


Soulmates

by erynnar



Series: Kai Cousland [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2018-02-11 19:55:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 32
Words: 69,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2081109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erynnar/pseuds/erynnar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The archdemon is slain, Alistair lies dead, or does he? And the last Grey Warden must fight Queen Anora with the help of her friends. Swoopers and Zev lovers rejoice, you get your cake and eat it too. An AU after the Blight tale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Death is Just The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> BioWare owns all but what I made up. : D Please let me know what you think.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The only way for an Archdemon to be slain is for a Warden to sacrifice themselves. Kai intends it to be her, but Alistair takes the killing blow with an cunning bit of trickery. Now he's dead and Kai is alone, or is she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns all but what I made up. : )

 

"You can't do this, it is my duty." Kai argued with him.

 "I want to be a good king. This makes me a good king, right? I save all of Ferelden from the Blight; I save you."

 Kai stared at him, her heart beating so fast and so hard surely it could be heard by everyone atop the tower. "No, I have led us. the decision is mine to make, mi gra. Most of my family lies dead due to Arl Howe's treachery. My brother Fergus is probably dead, too. This is mine to do. Ferelden needs her king, a king of Theirin blood, not Anora, you. It needs you, just as I have needed you all this time." She gestured with her hands pleading. "I need you to live, my love, my beloved, my heart. You will be a great king. You must live."

He drew her in close. His lips met hers. She put everything into this last kiss. She wanted him to take part of her soul in their mingled breath before she gave the rest of it slaying the arch demon. She allowed herself to take strength from his warmth, his soft lips on hers, the way the stubble on his chin rubbed against her skin. She felt the cold metal of his Dead Legion armor under one hand and the feel of his hair beneath the fingertips of the other. She took in the scent of him, of her beloved — a scent she could recognize even over all the blood and gore that covered them both. These things she would take with her when she passed into the Fade. They parted as he stepped back, running his fingers down the side of her face in that familiar, loving gesture.

 She looked into his amber eyes willing him to see the love for him shining in her own. She turned away from him to move to the arch demon, and…nothing! Her whole body was caught in mid-stride and surrounded by glowing rings of power, a paralysis spell. Every muscle felt as though made of stone. Sod it! Kai caught the knowing look that passed between Alistair and Wynne. He simply looked at her with those golden brown eyes, love and regret showing in them. "This is the sanest thing I have ever done." He gave her his lopsided smile and turned from her.

 Kai watched in horror as he paused and then began running toward the great dragon as it reared up in one last attempt to live. She watched everything in slow motion as if they were all underwater. Watched as Alistair grabbed a sword sticking out of a nearby corpse and without breaking stride heaved himself at the arch demon. One smooth motion had him sliding on his knees through all the blood and gore, slicing the dragon’s underbelly, letting his momentum carries him the length of the beast. Almost like some macabre dance, he came back to his feet avoiding the tail as the arch demon screamed in mortal agony, its huge darkly scaled body shuddering in a death throe.

She wanted to scream with it. Kai redoubled her efforts, sweating with her fight to break the spell that held her. Whether from exhaustion or because Wynne had become distracted by what they were witnessing, Kai was finally able to move. Both of them began to run toward Alistair. "Ali, NO!" Kai screamed at him. He simply turned and with the utmost calm on his face raised the sword over the arch demon.

"I love you, always." Alistair told her, before plunging the point of the sword into the head of the monstrous beast. Kai watched as white light speared out surrounding the sword and her beloved as he twisted the sword with a sickening crunch. She could tell he was in pain, but he did not falter or flinch.

 Suddenly it felt as if all the air around them was being sucked toward the center of the tower where man and beast hung suspended. Kai couldn't breathe, and she gasped and looked at Wynne before turning her gaze back to Alistair. It was only a moment, but it felt like a long pause between inhaling and exhaling. Then, the world exploded as the air sucked in now blew outward in a ring of immense pressure and blinding white light. The sound made Kai scream and reflexively cover her ears. The shock wave hit her, and she only had a moment to contemplate flying through the air before the world went black.

 When she came to, her right arm felt as if it were on fire and dangled uselessly at her side. Broken then, she thought, along with a few ribs on that side as well. Her head thrummed in time with her pulse. Disoriented, she thought for a moment she was back at camp. They had stopped a darkspawn raid on a caravan. Kai had taken a nasty blow to the head from a hurlock. They must have put her in her tent. "Nug humper!" she groaned. It occurred to her that she was spending entirely too much time around Oghren, he was a bad influence on her language skills. Alistair would blame himself for letting her get hurt, _had_ blamed himself for letting her get hurt. It all came flooding back, not camp, the top of Fort Drakon! The archdemon, Ali!

 "Alistair, oh Great Maker, no!" Not camp, the tower at Fort Drakon! Kai struggled up, heaving herself to her feet. She looked for him and saw his crumpled form lying next to the head of the arch demon.

 Her world went gray. All the pain of her broken body receded as if it belonged to someone else. She didn't notice when she stumbled on rubble or slid on stones slick with blood. She paid no heed when she tripped over the corpse of a Redcliffe knight, catching herself with her broken arm, or trying to anyway. She would not, could not stop until she reached him.

 Somehow she managed to heave him partway into her lap with her good arm. Kai kept hearing someone one screaming and crying his name in great choking sobs, but the sound came from a long distance away. When she looked at his face, it was covered in droplets of water. Was it raining? Part of her mind wondered at these things with a detached fascination.

 In the end it had been Sten who had pulled her away from his body so that Oghren, Zev, and Leliana could carry it away. Her Mabari war hound, Argus, whined and pressed close to his mistress trying to comfort her. She had struggled, but the giant Qunari merely held her close with no more effort than a child holding a doll. He simply stoked her hair and whispered, “Kadan” over and over again.

Wynne attempted to perform healing magic on her, though she was in no better shape than Kai. But Kai had spat at her with what little moisture her body had left. "Get away from me, witch! Betrayer, deceiver, I hate you!" Kai had screamed at her, and Wynne had pulled away as if she had been slapped. Kai railed and screamed until her voice had become nothing more than a croak.

 Finally, she was so exhausted she collapsed like a puppet with its strings cut. She had a vague impression of Sten carrying her out of the tower, and another of being placed in a bed in a darkened room. Then, the blessed blackness of sleep had swallowed her and no dreams from the Fade, not even of the darkspawn from her tainted blood, had disturbed her. Bless the Maker.


	2. Lost and Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai wakes and to a day without Alistair, or does she? And that which wandered during the Blight was not lost...at least he didn't stay lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder, I own nothing about Dragon Age Origins, it all belongs to BioWare. And special thanks to Mr. Gaider for inspiring me as well with his books based on same. I hope you enjoy Chapter 2.

Kai woke slowly, surfacing to consciousness like a swimmer rising from underwater.  Her eyelids fluttered open to a darkened room she barely remembered being placed in.  Her arm felt stiff, but it was mended, as were her other broken bones.  Wynne's work despite the venom she had thrown at her.  She could sense the older mage's magic.  Each mage's magic had its own unique flavor.  After all their time on the road, Kai had learned Wynne's, as she had been healed enough by her.

 

Her head hurt, and her eyes felt swollen and gritty.  Had someone poured a bucket of sand in each one while she lay helpless?  She felt the tug of bandages and the itch of wounds healing with poultices. Another familiarity after so much fighting.  Wynne's work as well, no doubt.  “It should drink a lot of water.” The resonant voice of the golem Shale caused Kai to jump.  For something – no someone – so large, Shale could be very quiet.

 

Suddenly, the dark room was lit with a pulsing neon green glow as Shale brightened the crystals embedded in her stone skin.  Interesting, Kai had no idea she could do that.  Of course the pulsing green glow didn't help her headache, as it caused the room's shadows to deepen and recede with each pulse.  “Sent to watch over me I see.”  Kai's voice was hoarse, and it hurt to talk.  Andraste's flaming sword, had someone poured sand down her throat too?  “Here to make sure I don't have access to sharp objects or high windows?”  Kai attempted to joke with Shale, but even to her own ears it sounded hollow.

“Well, it was quite distraught.”  Unable to get jokes at the best of times, Shale had apparently decided she was probably serious.  Only Kai or one of their other long time traveling companions might have caught the hidden worry in Shale's voice.

 

“ ‘Was distraught’ probably isn't the proper term. More like ‘I am,’ Shale. But thank you.”

Shale cocked her head at Kai.  Well, at least it was the golem equivalent of a head tilt.  “It should drink a lot of water.  It is dehydrated, since squishy things cannot be made to drink when they are unconscious.”  Shale stared pointedly at Kai. “It will also need to eat if it is not to perish.”  Though anyone else would think from the golem's tone that having her perish would not be all that bad, Kai knew better.

“Don't bother, I am not hungry.”  In fact, Kai wondered if she would ever be hungry again.  She felt numb and cold inside, but she knew that underneath lay a surge of grief, despair, and anger so great that if she gave in to it, she might not be able to stop.  Maybe she should have Oghren teach her how to be a berserker after all.  At least no one would have to kick her in, well, sensitive areas like that one dwarf he told her about.  Kai began to swing her legs over the side of the bed, experimenting gingerly with her newly healed arm.  It was stiff, but working.  In truth other than a headache from dehydration, there was no pain anywhere.

 

There was, however, another sensation.  A hole it seemed, where her heart should be.  No, not a hole, Kai corrected herself.  A stone heart had replaced the one that had held Alistair.  Kai snorted as she choked on a laugh that threatened to become a sob.  Here she was with a golem whose heart was made of stone.  Maybe they should start a group, ‘The Heart of Stone Club’; happy people need not apply.

Alistair would laugh at that. Would have laughed at that.  Andraste's knickers, how long would it take her to stop expecting him to walk through a door any minute?  That overwhelming grief began to surface again.  It took everything Kai had left in her to buckle it down.

 

Concentrating on getting her newly healed body out of bed was a great distraction.  Swinging her legs over the side of the bed and standing were two very different things.  When she attempted to stand, the room suddenly tilted and spun.  She would have reached out and caught herself on the bedpost, but Shale reached out and steadied her first.  “It needs to eat.”  The golem was positively growling at her this time.

 

“Why this sudden urge to have me eat?” Kai asked, amused.  Shale had never seen fit to nag her before, as the golem found 'squishy' beings’ bodily functions a weakness one did not discuss.

“Because it has been unconscious for six days.”  Shale walked over to the fireplace, her steps causing the floor to vibrate with every step.  Using the lightening crystals in embedded in her forearms, Shale lit the wood set there.  Maker's Breath, six days?  Kai could scarcely believe it.  Wouldn't have believed it, but the golem was not one to exaggerate or joke.

“Six days, did I miss Alistair's funeral?”  Kai couldn't decide if that would be a good thing or a bad thing.

 

“No, the elder mage magicked the body to keep it from corrupting as squishy things do.”  Wynne again. Kai had seen the mage do something similar to their food as they traveled.

 

“Great, so now I'm a nug steak?”  Kai heard Alistair's laughing voice near her ear as if he were standing right there.  Kai looked around the almost empty room.  Wishful thinking, Kai, get a hold of yourself, she berated herself mentally.  The sound of his voice had stirred up such longing and sorrow she had to bite her lower lip and clench and unclench her hands to gain control again.

 

Shale's voice came back into focus still speaking as the golem had heard nothing.  “Then, the body was packed – along with the Queen and all of us – and taken to Highever.  That is what it wanted, isn't it?” Kai took a stunned look around the room and realized they had put her in her parents’ room.  Arl Howe hadn't apparently had the time to rearrange the portions of Highever he hadn't burned, what with all the arlships and the teyrnship and the dirty work for Loghain.  Oh, and the fact that he was dead after she ran the sodding bastard through with the Cousland family sword.

 

Seeing her parents' things still in their familiar places caused a different grief and rage to vie for her attention.  This was a grief that she had never had the time to properly give herself to, what with the Joining and the fall of Ostagar and the whole Blight thing.  Kai stared at the floor and watched as the rug became all misty.  Shale still had her back to Kai and didn't notice her distress.  Which is just as well, what kind of comfort could one get from a figure of stone who had given up being squishy to become a war machine?

 

“I shall let the others know it is awake and see that it gets food.”  With that Shale turned and moved towards the door, causing the floor to vibrate once again.  “Perhaps it should dress itself?”  And then the golem shut the door.  Kai would be surprised if there wasn't an implied threat about getting clothed. Shale would, without a doubt, have no trouble throwing her into clothes if the golem had a mind to.

 

Kai took tentative steps away from the bed, testing her legs for balance.  It became apparent that balance wasn't really the problem, but that her legs wanted to tremble.  She made her way to a table nearby, set with a pitcher and cup.  She hadn't realized how thirsty she was until the first sip cooled her parched throat.

 

Despite her desire to gulp great quantities of it, she sensibly resisted the temptation to do so.  Too much too soon, and it would all just come back up after such long time with an empty stomach.  She had learned that the hard way after a lengthy healing session back when they were fighting darkspawn.

 

Shale had said something about dressing.  Kai figured that might be a prudent course of action, since the others Shale no doubt meant to tell would include Arl Eamon, Ban Teagan, or even Queen Anora. And Maker only knew what other nobles and sycophants who would want to see the 'Hero of Ferelden' were here as well.  Kai gave an unladylike snort.  She wasn't sure if she would laugh, cry, or stab with her dagger the first person who called her that.

 

The only one of her companions she worried about seeing her in her small clothes was Zevran.  And it wasn't that Zev hadn't seen her in her small clothes; camping in the woods didn't leave a lot of privacy unless one wanted to try dressing while kneeling in a tent.  No, it was that Zev could turn something as harmless as buying a loaf of bread into a sexual innuendo.  And that he had always made his interest in her known didn't help.  But she had always had Alistair to act as a shield against Zev's come-ons.  Now, she wasn't sure she was strong enough to resist, especially since she knew she was going to long for a warm body next to her at night.  She couldn't do that to Alistair's memory, or to Zev for that matter.  It would be unfair, especially to Zev.  “Unfair to Zev?!  Bloody hell, woman, you better keep your daggers under your pillow.  Who knows what that slick Antivan has planned now that I am out of the way!”  Alistair's voice sounded in her ear again, and she found herself reflexively looking in the room.

 

Then, another frightening thought caused Kai to groan inwardly.  Leliana, the shoe obsessed bard, and Lady Isolde, Eamon's fluffy bit of a wife, would no doubt conspire together to dress her according to her 'station.'  She really didn't think she could deal with that.  “What, you don't fancy layers of toile, tons of ribbons, and looking like a meringue?”  Kai heard Alistair's voice again as if he were standing right beside her.  She spun around fully expecting to see him standing there grinning at her.  OK, she thought, I really do need to eat.  Can auditory hallucinations be caused by a lack of food?

Kai looked at the pile of clothes folded neatly next to the pitcher, which she hadn't noticed in her quest to slake her thirst.  She started to take up what looked to be a simple tunic-type shirt, thank The Maker, when she saw a red rose laid gently on top of the shirt.

 

Alistair's rose, the rose she later learned had been growing on a dead rose bush and had caused Leliana to join them as it was a sign from The Maker for her to do so.  A rose that never withered or bruised or seemed to take damage.  Its perfume remained as well.

 

She buried her nose in it now, as she had many, many times before.  It transported her to that night in camp when Alistair had given it to her.

 

“Here, look at this.  Do you know what this is?” Alistair asked as he had handed her the crimson bloom.

 

“Is this a trick question?” she quipped, a smile dancing at the corners of her lips.

 

“Yes, absolutely!  I am trying to trick you.  Is it working?  I just about had you didn't I?” His grin had mirrored her own.

 

Then his smile faded, and he looked sad for a moment.  “I picked it in Lothering. I remember thinking, how could something so beautiful exist in a place with so much despair and ugliness?”  He paused for a moment.  “I probably should have left it alone, but I couldn't.  The darkspawn would come, and their taint would just destroy it.  So I've had it ever since.”  Alistair shuffled from foot to foot.  “I thought that I might give it to you, actually.”

 

Kai watched as a flush crept up his cheeks, and he looked as if he were afraid she was going to laugh at him, so he hurried on.  “In a lot of ways, I think the same thing when I look at you.”  This statement caused him to blush even more.

 

Kai had glanced down at the rose and then at this man, who did not know how good a man he was. “That is a sweet thought, and a wonderful compliment.”  Kai felt a blush of her own creeping up her neck.

“I'm glad you like it.  I was just thinking, here I am doing all this complaining and you haven't exactly been having a good time of it yourself.  You've had none of the good experiences of being a Gray Warden since your Joining.  Not a word of thanks or congratulations.  It has all been death and fighting and tragedy.”  His expression was one of hopefulness as if he desired her approval, but expected to get kicked instead.

 

Kai inwardly fumed at Arl Eamon for being so weak that he allowed his Orlesian fluff of a pretty young wife to make a little boy's life hell, and then insist he be given into what amounted to slavery by sending him to the Chantry.  All because his feather-headed spouse was jealous and thought he was Eamon's bastard, not King Maric's.  Some of her dire thoughts for the Lady Isolde must have shown on her face because Alistair got more nervous and almost stopped.  Kai gave him a brilliant smile and put a comforting hand on his arm, so he continued.

 

“I thought that maybe I should say something.  Tell you what a rare and wonderful thing you are amidst all this darkness.”  Alistair pinched his fingers together and blushed even harder, if that were possible. Kai felt her heart sort of do a dance and tip over in her chest, and she realized in a blink that she was falling in love with this kind and wonderful man.  She looked into his dark gray eyes and at his hopeful expression, and knew she could not help herself.

 

Suddenly, she found her own voice choked up, and it was hard to speak.  “I feel the same way about you,” she managed, even though she feared that after telling him her sudden feelings, he would reject her.  She thought, This must be how Alistair feels, wanting so badly the approval of another.

 

He had smiled that lopsided grin at her and said, “I am glad you like it.  Now if we could move on past this awkward, embarrassing stage and get right to the steamy bits, I would appreciate it.”

 

She countered his humor with her own.  “OK, off with the armor then!”  Kai's smile widened as his already pink face turned scarlet.  He laughed nervously.

 

“Bluff called!  Damn, she saw right through me.”  He had shuffled his feet some more while Kai resisted the urge to laugh at the both of them.  “I'll be standing over here,” he gestured behind him to camp, “until the blushing stops.  Just to be safe.  You know how it is.”

  
Her internal reflection was broken by the sound of someone opening the door to the bedroom. “Thunder humper!” Kai cursed under her breath as she tried to quickly grab the robe that was at the foot of the bed.  Daydreaming instead of dressing, serves you right if it turns out to be Leli or Lady Isolde with satin and silk, she chastised herself.  She barely had time to register that the robe had been her mother’s before a male hand holding a tray appeared around the edge of the door.  Well, not Leliana or Isolde, Ban Teagan or Eamon then.  “Blast it!” Kai huffed as she tried to tie up the robe.  As she fumbled with the ribbons, the hurrying only making it slower and harder, she heard a well loved voice.  “Mother would be appalled at your language if she could hear you now, little sister.”


	3. Family Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Kai is hearing Ali's voice, or is she? And guess who shows up but Fergus, so all is not lost. Big brother and little sister get reacquainted and discuss the little viper Anora. Stay tuned for more fun and games.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All names and places save the name of the main character are the intellectual property of BioWare.
> 
> Thank you all for your kindness, reviews, and support!
> 
> Blessings!

Kai forgot the damnable ties and spun around to find her brother Fergus alive and placing a tray on the table. It was a good thing he had managed to set it down completely before Kai launched herself at him, saying his name over and over again. She buried her face in his neck as hot tears wet his collar. She couldn't believe it, she had searched for any sign of him before the Joining while in the Kocari Wilds. She had forced herself to look at the faces of every bloated corpse they had come upon. Thinking one of them was going to be him.

 

When none had been, she’d hoped to search again but had been dissuaded in Lothering. Morrigan pointed out he was either dead, would show with stragglers in the North, or would soon be dead due to the horde of darkspawn in the Wilds. Since she did not have the luxury of time to look for him, she’d been forced to give up. She put aside any hope and left her brother for dead.  Soon, tears of joy turned to tears of shame and guilt, she had abandoned him just as she had Mother and Father.

 

Fergus just held her and stroked her hair the way Sten had, he told her it wasn't her fault, but she knew better. Fergus didn't know what else to do, as she wasn't a person who gave way to tears easily, but she seemed unable to help herself, lately. She hadn't even cried when she broke her arm in her first battle training trying to use a shield. In fact, the only time Fergus had ever seen her cry like this was when an elven playmate had been ruthlessly run over by a visiting noble's carriage, and at King Maric’s funeral. 

 

Kai knew he must be wondering what to with her now, just as he wondered back then, but she couldn't hold back. Something had to give or she would break. Finally, the grief seemed to abate some, like steam escaping from a dwarven made water pipe. Fergus gently pulled her up from the floor and sat her down at the table in front of the tray. He handed her a napkin which she used to wipe her face and her running nose.  Great, her eyes felt like sand _and_ acid had been rubbed into them.

 

"Eat or that stone friend of yours will break me in two, and I am not so sure about that giant fellow, Sten?" Kai nodded, "I am not sure he won't rip my arms off if I don't feed you. I like your friends, little sister. They are very protective of you." Fergus poured her another glass of water, having brought a second pitcher in case she had emptied the first. "Though I have to admit, the Antivan elf seemed to be flirting with me."  Kai knew he was trying to lighten her mood, so she obliged him with a laugh.

 

"Don't be too flattered, brother dear, Zev flirts with everyone." Kai picked up the horn spoon next to the bowl of steaming broth. She carefully spooned some up and took a tentative sip. It was spiced with herbs. She suspected some for healing as well as those for flavor. "What happened to you Fergus?" Kai asked as she broke off a small piece of bread to soak in the broth.

"I was out on patrol as you know. I never made it back to Ostagar. We were set upon by a band of darkspawn, and I woke up in a Chasind's hut, wounded and feverish. By the time I had healed enough to leave. You had already begun to stop the Blight. So I did a little adventuring of my own while hoping to run into you, little sister. But that’s a story for another day."

 

Kai looked down at her bowl, "I am so sorry about Oriana and Oren. Oh Fergus, I should have looked harder for you!" Kai balled her hands up next to the tray.

 

"I know you are sorry for them, and I try not to think of them too much. But, you did the right thing, little sister." Fergus grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him, "You did your duty, and we Couslands always..."

 

"Always do our duty first. Those were some of the last words Father said to me." Kai's eyes swam with tears, but she genuinely laughed. "You are turning into Father in your old age, brother!"

 

Fergus laughed, and you are turning into Mother. But you won't see me grow older if you don't eat, remember your rather large and insistent friends?" Fergus nudged her bowl closer.

 

"Hah, you are turning into Mother more than I am, brother dear, you nag just like her!" It felt good to have the old familiar banter with someone who knew her so well, but her smile quickly turned pensive again as she remembered the last time they were all together before Fergus left. She wondered how long it would be before such memories were welcome rather than sad. Kai continued to eat; after all, she liked her brother in one piece. She was sure that Sten and Shale were just joking, or at least mostly joking. So they sat in companionable silence.

 

"Oh, I like your brother. I just wish we had met in person." Alistair's voice came again in her ear, and she joggled the spoon, spilling some broth. Luckily, Fergus paid no notice, and she continued to soak pieces of bread and spoon up broth. She soon found herself full, though, her stomach was not used to holding much.

 

She set the spoon aside and looked at her brother's handsome face, so like their father's. "Fergus, when is the funeral? I know they held it off, I figure it must have taken, if the roads were clear, about four days from Denerim to get here? Then another two days, while everyone waited for me to wake up." Kai found herself nibbling more bread though her stomach turned queasy. "I would guess we need to get it done, and I would like to get it over with." Especially, Kai thought, just to get past the false praise Anora no doubt meant to lavish on Alistair now that he was out of the way of her crown and throne.

 

"What, you don't enjoy simpering political claptrap, my love?" Again that beloved voiced sounded as if he sat right beside her. It was squeezing her heart to a pulsing bruise; she didn't know if she was just tormenting herself as some form of punishment for letting him sacrifice himself.

 

Then Kai had another thought, Anora would indeed shower Alistair's memory with an eloquent speech worthy of any gardener needing composting material. But it wouldn't cover up her hatred of him, not from anyone who remembered her being put in the tower when she refused to swear allegiance to Alistair. She had been released to be queen because he ordered it be so if he fell, but she would not forget. Nor was she likely to forget who had made Alistair king at the Landsmeet.  Kai might need to hire a food taster, or since that could cause someone to die, ask Zev about antidotes. "What is on your mind, little sister? You seem lost in troubling thoughts." Fergus eyed her across the table.

 

"Fergus, Anora is only queen because Alistair fell. I promised Anora I would support her in the Landsmeet, and then I made Alistair king. I don't think she is going to harbor much love for me, and  her anger may fall on you too."

 

"You have never been one to go back on your word, sister. I know there is more to this story." Fergus lifted an eyebrow. 

 

So much like Father, she thought. Kai figured she should start with the confrontation with Loghain after they got to Denerim. Unlike Anora, Kai and Fergus had been raised in the nobility with all of its political maneuvering. Anora had been raised to it later in childhood. Kai told Fergus of Anora's elven handmaiden showing up at Eamon's estate with a tale of woe and kidnapping, of a daughter in danger from her father, her very life supposedly threatened. 

 

"Hmm, I find that hard to believe." Fergus scratched his chin, his thoughts echoing her own at the time. "Loghain may have been a regicide and a deserter, but he would never have killed his only child or allowed someone else to do so."

 

Kai told Fergus of using her secret weapon, the Antivan elf Zeveran, assassin and heart breaker of men and women everywhere. Zev agreed that it was suspicious and that he would do what he could. So Kai stalled Erlina the handmaiden, saying they needed several days to prepare in case the disguises didn't work. When Erlina agreed without much protest, Kai's suspicions had been given a little boost. She knew that Anora was in no real danger from Howe. "So I take it your friend found out something that made you play Anora along?"

 

"What Zev discovered was fascinating to say the least, brother." Kai leaned forward.  "He found out that Anora had staged the whole thing, including paying a mage to 'magic' the door. All of it designed to convince Eamon and myself of Anora's loyalty in spite of her father."  Kai found herself playing with the horn spoon, an occupational hazard for a rogue used to playing with daggers and always keeping her hands busy.

 

"This is getting more intriguing by the minute.", Fergus grinned at her.

 

"Oh to be sure, that wasn't the half of it. Anora set her little co-conspirator to leak that there was a kidnapping taking place to Loghain's second, Ser Cauthrien.  If I had asked Anora to confirm that we were rescuing her, she would have lied and told her father's soldiers that we were abducting her."

 

"She was playing both sides against the middle, it seems," Fergus grunted.

 

"I suspect that she was just using us to hold the crown. When she realized that the winds were now blowing against her father and Howe, she needed to switch tactics and sides. When it all started to unravel, Anora was looking out for Anora."

 

"Well, she is her father's daughter." Alistair's voice again whispered in her ear.

 

Kai went on, "Since I knew to expect Ser Cauthrien and a few dozen of Loghain's guards, I hid a few lock picks in the braids of my hair and simply surrendered peacefully when we were confronted."

 

"Ah! That is my resourceful little sister. I think Anora met her match in you."

 

Kai smiled.  "Well, you can see why I was not about to really support her as queen."

 

"Indeed, she reminds me of something. Do you remember that zoological book we used to look at as children, the one with all the colored pictures of the animals of Thedas?" Kai nodded and Fergus continued, "Anora reminds me of the Orlesian viper called Fleur de Lis Le Mort, very pretty, very delicate, and very..."

 

"Very nasty, yes, me too, and it fits Anora to a T. Which means you need to watch your back as well, Fergus, I will not, I cannot, lose you too." Kai looked at her brother, love and fear warring in her heart.

 

"Well then, maybe I should let your Antivan assassin land one, little sister. An assassin could provide great protection, no?"  Fergus laughed at the look on her face.

 

"I wouldn't let that sodding elf touch me, if I were you. You don't know where he's been or what species he's been with," Oghren's gruff and raspy voice proceeded him as her friends came trooping in.

 

"My dwarven friend, I am wounded! I only sleep with things that walk on two legs I assure you!" Zev's voice came through the doorway as he followed Oghren into the room.

 

Kai smiled and turned to address the gathering of her extended family.


	4. Wake for the Not So Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So her friends and her brother gather round Kai to offer an impromptu wake for Alistair who decides to join them. After all, what's the good of having a wake in your honor, if you can't join in?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder Bioware owns all but what I made up. Thanks for all the support, reviews, and kudos!

Apparently Oghren was carrying provisions, if your idea of provisions included two pony kegs of ale, that is. Oghren had one under each arm as he staggered through the doorway. Zev followed behind with another tray holding wooden mugs and a jug of milk? Kai felt her eyebrows rising in curiosity. Argus, her Mabari war hound, came behind Zev herding Schmooples, Leliana's pet nug. Schmooples's nose twitched, and it eyed the room nervously.

The nug always looked nervous, truth be told, after all, in Orzammar Schmooples would be a snack, so it had good reason, Kai figured. Its pink and mostly hairless body looked like an unholy cross between a rabbit and a pig. Kai had gotten Schmooples as a gift for the bard when she found there was something else besides shoes that Leliana loved. The only problem with Schmooples was keeping an eye on Oghren, who tended to eye the creature the way Kai might eye a ham whenever he was drunk, hungry, or both.

If Schmooples was being herded by Argus, that meant that Leliana must not be far behind, and it wasn't a second before her fiery red hair showed around the door frame. The bard had yet another bottle of alcohol, a honey mead from the looks of it. Leli refused to drink that 'horse piss,' as she put it, that Oghren favored. In the other hand, she held her lute. Leli immediately began looking for Schmooples and keeping an eye on Oghren. Leliana set her bottle on the table and put herself next to Kai, between Oghren and her pet.

Sten came next with a plate piled high with cookies. Kai found herself smiling, so that was what the milk was for. Sten didn't drink alcohol, but he had an almost obsessive love of cookies. Leli must have had a talk with Fergus about her friends' likes and dislikes. It would be just like her, Kai thought. Leliana could kill easily, and do it very well, but she had a sweet and kind soul. Shale followed Sten carrying extra chairs so no one had to sit on the floor. It appeared the gang was all here, but for three.

Morrigan had left before the battle, after Kai refused her offer to perform a sex rite to save the Gray Wardens (at least that’s what Morrigan had claimed). That really stung; Morrigan could at least have helped fight at the end, but she had taken herself off in a snit. Kai loved Morrigan like a sister, and she thought the witch loved her, too. Best not to think of that, Kai, she told herself. It threatened to touch on the guilt, anger, and pain she felt over the way it had all played out.

Alistair, of course, was also missing. "Am I? If you say so." she was beginning to get used to hearing his voice now. If she was just tormenting herself, so be it. Or a desire demon, she pointedly asked into her own head. "Only desire, no demon here," came the cheeky response. Kai groaned inwardly, well, if she had to torture herself, the torture would at least have his humor. She could do nothing about it anyway.

And one more was missing, Wynne. Kai noticed everyone judiciously trying not to make it noticeable. If she were going to be honest, she wasn't sure how she felt about Wynne's conspiring with Alistair to stop her from taking the final blow, her feelings about that seemed to be behind the same numb wall that closed off her grief for her family and Alistair. She guessed not seeing Wynne right now might not be a bad idea at this point.

"You need to forgive her, mi’gra, my love. She only did what I, as her king, ordered her to do." Alistair's voice sounded again in her ear, tinged with concern and regret.

You would, she thought, who knew Alistair could be so manipulative and sneaky? "I learned it from Morrigan," came another cheeky response. Kai gave herself a mental head slap. Her internal exchange was broken off by a hand on her shoulder.

"I am so sorry about Alistair, Kai," Leliana said, her blue eyes filled with tears.

"We all are, Warden, the little pike twirler will be missed." Oghren poured himself a mug of ale and made it disappear.

"Kadan." For one word, Sten could infuse it with multiple layers of meaning. His tone, too, said he was sorry and that he had respect for Alistair.

"Aw, isn't that nice, Sten liked me in the end. Though I really wish Oghren wouldn't call me that," Alistair's voice continued as if he were right there taking it all in. Ugh, maybe she needed to make a trip to the Circle to find out why she was talking to herself, if that is all this was. Kai felt her eyes welling up as she smiled at them all, trying to comfort them, comforting her.

"To answer your question, Warden, the funeral is tomorrow." Oghren proceeded to pour more ale into his mug. "It was going to take place with or without you."

"Anora said she didn't want to delay the funeral out of respect...," Leliana started to say.

"Out of respect for her own itching hands to get the sodding crown!" Oghren interrupted. "As soon as the funeral is over, it’s back to Denerim and to the Landsmeet Hall. The Revered Mother will bless Anora, and that nug humping chit will be queen." Oghren took a long drink from his mug and belched.

Fergus, who had been listening to all this in silence, laughed at Oghren's assessment. "My dear sister and I were just having a chat about our soon-to-be queen of Ferelden for the second time."

"The drunken dwarf is quite correct. One would guess that this Anora creature is only having the funeral because of appearances," Shale growled from where she was standing.

Leli's lilting Orlesian accent concurred, "She knows that the people would never allow her to forgo the funeral of the man who saved them. If I didn't know better, I would almost swear that this woman was Orlesian nobility. She could play the 'Great Game' well enough."

"But enough of such talk," interjected Zev's accented voice. "We have ale, we have wine, we have beautiful women, and if our dear Leliana would be so kind," he tilted his head toward the bard, "we will have song."

"We have nug which is tasty!" burst out Oghren, for which he received a smack on the arm from Leliana, jarring his mug and spilling some of its contents. "Careful, woman! Fergus was kind enough to dig this out of Highever's meager stores, don't waste it!" Oghren poured another mug and handed it to Fergus. "You look like a lightweight to me." He winked and made yet another mug disappear before wiping his mouth with his sleeve.

"Oh, you are so crude!" Leliana huffed, but she grabbed her lute and began to adjust the strings. Leli started with a song Kai knew well, as they had sung it many times around the campfire. It was a sad and humorous tale of two sisters vying for the same man with the older sister trying to do the younger in. It required the group to join in on the chorus so everyone felt a part of it. It had been one of Alistair's favorites because the elder sister and miller, who ultimately let the sibling drown, got their comeuppance.

"There were two sisters side by side, sing I dum, sing I day. There were two sisters side by side, the boys are bound for me..." and soon everyone, even Fergus, had joined in. So the night went with snatches of songs, stolen cookies, laughter and stories. It became apparent to Kai that they were all trying to keep her mind off of tomorrow, and she loved them even more for it. Still, the dread was there if she let it surface. Eventually, Kai found her eyes drooping and her head nodding.

"Well, time to let the Warden get some shut eye," slurred Oghren. "Of course you would think with six sodding days of sleep, she would have had enough by now." This statement earned him another smack on the arm from Leliana. "Watch it, woman, I might mistake you for Branka and crawl into bed with you." Leli just clucked her tongue, picked up her lute and Schmooples, and nudged the dwarf towards the door with her foot.

Slowly, they all filed out with the exception of Argus and Fergus. Argus planted himself on the floor near the foot of the bed, Fergus hovered near the door. "Good night, little sister, I am in your old room if you need me." With that he kissed her on the forehead and shut the door. Kai turned back towards the bed, guess it is a good thing I didn't get dressed after all, she thought. Instead, she took off the robe – she never had gotten the damn thing tied in the front – and laid it on the foot of the bed. Kai found herself filled with the dread she had pushed away all night and hugged her arms around herself.

"My dear Gray Warden, what distressing thoughts are in your mind?" Kai whirled around to find Zevran standing in a corner near the fireplace looking at her. She laughed rather than screamed, just barely, which was a good thing. The assassin had managed to stay unnoticed in the shadows while the others had filed out.

"Kai," Zev rarely spoke her name, usually calling her 'my dear Gray Warden.' And even now, he said her name softly and with such shared sadness, she knew he was serious. He walked towards her with his arms open to embrace her. He tucked her head into his muscled shoulder and held her there. There was nothing sexual in his touch, just the actions of someone who knew what it was to lose someone you loved with all your heart. Zev knew better than anyone else in their group, he told her of his Rinna, so long ago in one of their camps during the Blight.

"Oh Zev, I don't think I can do this, I don't think I can be at the funeral tomorrow," Kai snuffled into his shoulder. "Look at me, I killed hordes of darkspawn and faced the Archdemon, and I can't even face a funeral." The despair and grief she felt was surfacing faster than ever.

Zevran simply grasped her chin and made her look at him. "You will be able to, and more importantly you must. You must have closure and say good bye, otherwise, you will not be able to move on. I have first hand experience with this, no?" Zev smoothed her hair back from her forehead. "And more importantly, my dear friend, you will not do this alone." He simply looked at her with his pale amber eyes.

"Come with me." And he tugged her to the bed and tucked her in it, wrapping the feather filled duvet around her like a child. He tugged off his boots and climbed in bed on top of the covers next to her and simply leaned her head on his chest. "Now sleep, my one and only true friend." He stroked her hair and she listened to his heart beating. And if he felt the tears wetting his shirt, he said nothing. He just stroked her hair and her back until her deep breathing told him she was finally asleep.


	5. Breakfast and Musings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai meets with Teagan, Eamon, and Isolde over bowls of porridge, though Kai and food have a hit or miss relationship. Who doesn't love a little Teagan with breakfast?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BioWare owns all but what I made up. Thanks for all the hits, the kudos, and the bookmarks. It means so much that you take your precious time and allocate some of it for my writings, it humbles me. I hope you continue to enjoy. :)

When she awoke it was to sunlight shining through the high windows of her parents' bedroom. Zev wasn't there, just an indentation where he had lain. Kai had a quick look. Shift, check, small clothes, double check. She did a mental brow wipe, still dressed as she had been last night. Zev had been nothing but a friend and gentleman when she felt her eyelids dropping. But she was so filled with longing. She wasn't sure she trusted herself to behave and Zev not to be tempted despite his gentle friendliness towards her.

She got out of bed, washed her face, and quickly dressed in the simple tunic,from the first pile, and leggings from the second pile. And a soft set of leather boots were under the table. She didn't suppose they would let her go to the funeral in her sleep shirt and robe. Though Isolde would not like the tunic and leggings either. Probably Leli wouldn't be too thrilled come to think of it. But Leli wanted to play dress up, not 'I'm better than you,' like Isolde did. Kai decided that demons in the Fade could wear pretty dresses and dance the Remigold before she would dress up for the funeral. This was going to be hard enough without itching and sweating in layers of toile and lace. Kai waited expectantly for Alistair's voice make a comment, but it was silent. She didn't know what that meant.

She saw the rose still sitting on the table and she tucked it in her hair securing it with leather tie. Then she called to Argus who obediently padded to her side. Kai took one last look at the remnants of last nights revels, before the servants came in and cleaned up. She would try and take the love and warmth of last night with her to the dreaded event of today. She would not let Anora see how crushed and empty she was, the gloating bitch.

Kai opened the door and walked into the hallway trying to ignore the mental images of Howe's men and their staring, dead eyes after she had run them through and Argus had ripped their throats. On the night they had tried to get through her parents' bedroom door, she had no time for regrets of taking their lives. She didn't allow herself to look toward her brother's bedroom either. She didn't want to see the image of her sister-in-law and her sweet little nephew lying in pools of their own blood.

Maker's breath, this was going to be difficult in so many ways. Kai went to the door on the right, her old room. She knocked and immediately turned back to study the hallway. Dairren, her lover then, had died bleeding on her bedroom floor when Howe's men had put an arrow his heart. It was supposed to be her. His death had given her time to arm herself and kill those that did it. So many bad memories, so much death caused by her, or because of her. Maker, how was she ever going to atone for all of that?

She pushed those thoughts away to think on the Memorial she had yet to sit down with the dwarven stone mason about. If she and Alistair had not discussed it, putting up a memorial to Duncan at Highever, she might never have come back. Of course that was before she had known Fergus was alive. But Duncan had been born here, and Alistair had loved him like a father. She could not see Alistair's remains put so far away from Duncan's memorial. And if she was being honest with herself, Highever were where her parents were laid to rest, after what was left of them had been found dumped unceremoniously on the trash midden behind Highever castle. Since Alistair was to her, more than a husband, regardless of the lack of a Chantry wedding; she would have him here with her family. She didn't want him far from them either.

“Good morning little sister.” Fergus greeted her with a tug on one of her braids like he had when they were children. He quickly closed the door, perhaps sensing her trepidation for seeing her old room and the memories there. Just as Fergus wasn't in his old room for the same reasons. Who knew memories could cut deeper than any blade? Fergus put his arm around her waist. “Lets go get some breakfast.” He kissed her hair and smiled at her like old times.

As they walked through the castle, Kai was surprised that the damage from Howe seemed to be minimal, or had been cleaned up and repaired quickly. She shouldn't have been surprised she supposed. After all, Howe wanted to take over Highever, not destroy it. “It wasn't as extensive as it probably looked to you that night little sister.” Fergus echoed her thoughts yet again. Andraste's knickers, the only other person who could complete her thoughts or even read her face so well was Alistair. And today she was cremating his body so his ashes could be put in a memorial that had yet to be made. Her heart squeezed in her chest painfully.

They made their way to the dining hall. Arl Eamon and the Lady Isolde were there, as was Eamon's brother Teagan. Teagan was speaking with Leliana & Oghren. Well Leli mostly, as Oghren was slurping up porridge with his occasional responses being given through a mouthful of oats. He would stop his slurping to occasionally bite a greasy sausage in half with bits falling into his beard. Had he thinned his porridge with beer? Kai watched as Oghren poured ale from the mug in front of him into the bowl. Yep, beer and porridge, well it was all grains if you thought about it.

Sten, sporting a rather disgusted look on his face, was sitting next to Oghren and given Sten’s usually immobile features, it meant a slight crimping at the corners of his eyes and mouth.Shale, though she did not eat, was standing behind Sten watching Oghren with the same look. And Zev was nowhere to be seen. He may have come in early and left before Kai got here. She imagined sleeping sitting up against a hard wooden bed frame was not conducive to a good nights rest.

Kai and Fergus helped themselves to bowls of porridge ladled from the big pot sitting on the buffet table. Kai drizzled hers with honey and her favorite spices and a little cream. She didn't think she could handle beer in it. She saw there were more cookies as well as little sweet buns swirled with spice and drizzled with honey and crushed nuts, assorted fruits, a variety of weak ales, water and some juices on one side of the buffet table. On the other, there was ham and bacon, small sausages, and scrambled eggs. Kai eyed the ham to make sure it wasn't nug shaped.

Fergus must have told the new cook to make those sticky buns, they were one of her favorites. The cook, Kai almost toppled her bowl, the new cook. Nan, dear, cranky old Nan. The woman who had helped raise her and then became the cook. Nan whose lifeless body she had stepped over to get to her father. Kai swallowed hard against a sudden roll of nausea. Argus whined and pressed close. He tilted his head at her giving her worried eyes. “I was just thinking of Nan.” She explained. Argus whined again and his eyes became sad. “I know you miss her too. She isn't here for you to confound anymore just to amuse yourself.” Kai smiled and patted his big flat head.

That statement led to the memory of Ser Gilmore a treasured friend who had manned the gates to let Kai and Mother find Father. Ser Gilmore, whose tortured and rotting corpse she had seen when she was escaping from Fort Drakon after Anora's little get away. Kai felt the nausea getting worse. Andraste's flaming sword, would it always be like this? One terrible memory leading to another? Despair almost swallowed her whole. She focused on patting Argus until the feeling stopped, so she wouldn't run screaming from the room.

Argus barked and looked meaningfully at her bowl of porridge. “Ah, ham on your porridge, yes?” Kai asked him focusing on the here and now. Argus barked. “Oh, and bacon too? You better watch that you don't get fat and lazy eating so well.” Argus whined. “OK, if you say so, bacon and ham it is.” Kai smiled at him and ladled porridge for Argus laying ham and bacon top.

She made her way to the table sitting across from Teagan and Leliana. She set Argus's bowl down so he could eat. Teagan stood up as she sat. “My lady, it is good to see you up and about.” Teagan smiled at her and took her hand and grazed her knuckles lightly with his lips. “We were worried about you.” Kai caught the angered look that flashed across Lady Isolde's face. Eamon stood as well and gave her hand the same treatment. Isolde's look had been what, jealousy? Kai was not surprised Any man that paid less attention to Isolde was upsetting to Isolde. The thought struck her that Isolde and Anora were very much alike.

“Please gentlemen, I became just Kai, when I was made a Gray Warden. While it is flattering, the usual political niceties are not necessary. You didn't do them when I was at Redcliffe, or Denerim, please don't do them now just because I'm home.” Kai felt a blush creeping up her neck.

Teagan laughed “I am afraid that our early training is hard to do away with my…”  He managed to catch himself before finishing the inevitable lady and continued, “Kai.  When you were at RedCliffe you were dressed in leather armor splattered with who knows what. It was a little easier to forget you were Lady Cousland."  

“Well, I hardly look like a lady now either. So just keep forgetting that I am, okay?”

Kai heard Isolde say under her breath, “that is certainly true.” Kai allowed herself a smirk at Isolde's expense.

“Where is Anora?” Kai couldn't bring herself to call her 'queen.'

“Oh she is taking her breakfast in her quarters, away from the 'unwashed masses'.” Teagan said with a smile at Kai. He leaned forward and whispered. “Why, do you miss her company dear lady?”

“Teagan!” Isolde exclaimed. “Really, she is going to be our queen.”

Kai leaned toward Teagan and smiled. “Hardly, and I doubt very much she misses my company either.”

“That would definitely be true.” Fergus broke in with a grin at Teagan.

Teagan's smile left his face and he becme serious. “Kai, I am sorry for your loss, I know that Alistair was-, important, to you.” Teagan went on delicately.

Kai looked down at her bowl, hands clenched in her lap where they couldn't see. She made her face a neutral mask before she dared look up again. “He wasn't just important, I loved him, with all my heart. But, thank you Teagan. I know he was important to you as well. You weren't his uncle by blood, but he always thought of you, and Eamon as such.” Kai looked at Eamon whose eyes had gone bright.

“Eamon,” Kai began slowly. “ Alistair always regretted his behavior towards you when you came to visit him at the Chantry. He always wanted to apologize to you. He-he knew.” Kai had trouble keeping her composure. “He knew you cared for him, and so did I. I found his mother's amulet while you were comatose. You had it repaired. I-I gave it to him. It meant so much to him. He meant to ask you about it. To talk to you about your repairing it, and saving it for him. It meant more than he could say. I hope you don't mind that I gave it to him.” Kai couldn't continue, that grief, despair, and anger were threatening to break down the numbing barrier that was encasing it all.

“I- I don't mind that you did. I am glad you did.” Eamon's voice began to crack and he simply gasped out. “Thank you, I am glad you told me. If you will all please excuse me?” And with that Eamon left the dining hall.

Kai watched him go, wishing that had brought him comfort instead of pain. But maybe like all such things, with time it would be a good memory and not a sad one. She felt she made the right decision to tell him. Kai took a horn spoon and scooped up porridge covering for the silence she had caused with Eamon's leaving. It was after a couple of spoonfuls that Kai realized Isolde was staring at her with an angry glare. Kai simply returned her look and cocked an eyebrow, it was Isolde who to looked away. Teagan reached across the table and gave her wrist a gentle tug, smiled and winked at her. It was then that Isolde got up in a huff and left.

“You seem to be good at clearing a room Warden.” Oghren grinned down the table at her. “I thought I was the only one with that talent.” Teagan and Fergus both laughed, Sten and Shale just glared at the dwarf. Leliana put her face in her hands.

Kai smiled, but found she had no appetite. The porridge seemed to be sitting in her stomach in a ball. “ If you will all excuse me? I think I may have cleared myself out of the room as well. What time is the funer- ceremony?” Kai couldn't even bring herself to say the word funeral out loud.

“In about two hours dear lady. Anora wanted to have it early and then start towards Denerim. Since you are awake, and one of those being celebrated, you will need to go too.” Teagan looked at her. “As I understand it, there are huge crowds amassing in Denerim to see the one who saved us all.”

“Then they should be here, the one who saved them lies on a stone slab awaiting being put to the torch.” She hadn't meant it to sound so harsh, but there it was. She had just tossed it out there like the dead and moldering rabbit Argus had put in Morrigan's pack.

Whatever was the matter with her? All of her noble training seemed to have been left behind somewhere, probably in the Deep Roads. That place had a way of burning away the non-essentials with its horrors. She stood up a flush creeping across her cheeks as she balled her fists. “I am so terribly sorry, I don't know what has come over me. I think I need some air, and-.” She couldn't finish, she just simply turned and almost ran from the dining hall.

  
  
  



	6. Can't Get No, Satisfaction...Or Can She?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai gets to do something I've always wanted to do to Isolde in game. And we get more Teagan, which is always a good thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BioWare owns all but what I made up. Thank you for all the kudos and support! You're the best!

Kai's stomach was rolling with waves of nausea so bad that a cold sweat had broken out on her skin and she felt chilled to the bone, she dashed around the corner from the dining hall and up the walk to atrium. She just made it to atrium where she put her head into the niche behind the outdoor couch to be horribly sick into a potted plant. Even after the two spoonfuls of porridge she  managed to eat before she so gracefully cleared the room came up, she kept retching until there was nothing but bitter bile burning her throat.

 

Finally, thank the Maker, the heaving stopped. She wiped her mouth and her watering eyes. Poor plant, Kai thought. She turned to find only Argus had followed her out of the hall, for which she was grateful, she really didn't want their sympathies or kindness at the moment. She probably didn't deserve it with her boorish behavior anyway. Oh, if Mother could see her now.

 

Kai turned to Argus, who whined and looked at her with concerned eyes. "Thanks for coming to find me, boy." She scratched him behind the ears. Since she had two hours before the...funeral, she made herself say that word, if only in her head; and if solitude was what she wanted, she would grab a book and go out to the small garden near the beehives next to the orchards. It was a favorite childhood spot full of good memories and unlikely to trigger a sad one.

 

Kai continued past the atrium and around the corner to the sleeping quarters. She made her way through the first doorway leading to the hall with the guest rooms. As she passed, she heard Lady Isolde speaking in an angry voice, her Orlesian accent heavier due to her ire, "I can't believe it, she talks to my husband about that bane of our existence, Maric's bastard! I thought I had gotten rid of him, and he keeps turning up like a bad coin, he doesn't even have the decency to stay out of our lives now that he is dead!"

 

Kai’s vision seemed to narrow to a pinpoint and then expanded outward again with great speed.  Everything became clear and highly defined.She could count the threads in the rug at her feet, see every chip in every stone. Kai felt as if she were out of her body and just observing, she watched as she went into the room to find the lady in question talking to an elven servant. She watched as she stared at Isolde marking every wrinkle on the woman's face, her pouty full lips, her big doe eyes. She saw all of this while speaking to the servant in a voice that didn't quite sound like her own. "If you will please excuse us, I need to speak to the Lady Isolde, we have...unfinished business," Kai said, never taking her eyes off of the face in front of her.

 

As soon as Kai heard the door close she watched her hand, as it seemed to sail of its own accord, and slap Isolde soundly across the face. It was so loud the report echoed off the stone walls of the chamber, and Isolde rocked back on her heels clutching a hand to her cheek, her eyes wide. "You cowan bitch!" Kai heard her own voice hiss, "If you ever speak about Alistair like that again, I will personally rip out your shrewish tongue and feed it to Argus." Kai's voice didn't rise above a quiet conversational tone. It was cold, calm, incredibly smooth, and oh so dangerous. The tone caused Isolde to step back from her, not that she could go far or she would find herself aflame by stepping into the fireplace. Kai took a subtle joy in visualizing Isolde encased in flames and thinking about how she wouldn't piss on her to put her out. What has gotten into me, the detached part of her mind wondered.

 

"Do you know how close I came to letting Jowan stick you like a pig and bleed you to save your son? It was so tempting, so very, very tempting." Kai felt her eyes narrowing and her lips peeling back in a feral mask. Argus, catching his mistress’s anger at the woman before her, peeled his own lips back and growled as well, Kai stayed him with a flick of her hand.

 

"Do you know why I didn't, because Alistair wouldn’t have wanted it. Alistair, even after you made his life a living hell. Taking from him the only home he had ever known, making him sleep in the stables at Redcliffe and with the dogs at the Arlship in Denerim, like he was some piece of garbage! And when that wasn't enough, you made Eamon basically send him into slavery with the Maker forsaken Chantry where he was miserable." Kai watched as Isolde's big brown eyes got wider, "Even after all that, he had forgiven you."

 

Isolde stuttered, "I thought he was Eamon's; it was embarrassing. I was only looking out for my son and his future! Alistair was a stone around Eamon's neck, I was only trying...." Kai's other hand snaked out and slapped Isolde's other cheek with a loud crack. Well, at least she'll match, that detached part of her mind noted.

 

"You mean like you did when you hired a blood mage to train Connor? How many people have you hurt, Isolde, with your own selfish interests? Maker, you are dumber than a crate full of hair. Eamon is very weak man, but he is a good man, it’s a wonder what he sees in you." Kai felt a small cynical smile play on her lips. "Oh, never you mind, I know what charms he sees, it must be the buxom chest, the ‘suck me’ lips and those big vapid eyes," Kai hissed at Isolde, her tone making it sound as lurid as one might find visiting The Pearl, Denerim’s famous brothel. "It certainly isn't your brains he is enamored of. I watched you with Teagan who, by Andraste's grace, is not as easily swayed by your obvious charms."  Kai strung out the word “charms,” making it sound as tawdry as possible.  "Charms which can be found in any brothel in Thedas, by the by."

 

Kai kept her voice calm and conversational, but she wielded it like a blade, "Teagan didn't trust you either, or how did you figure we got into the castle to save him?" Kai laughed, a low and sultry chuckle of her own. The detached part of herself amazed at how nasty she could be. "You act all pious, but you are nothing in comparison to Alistair. He is...was a better person than you could ever hope to be." Kai watched dispassionately as tears fell from Isolde's eyes.

 

"As for me, the darkspawn will be holding ballroom dances with the dwarves in the Deep Roads before you will have my forgiveness. Alistair was better than both of us it seems." And with that Kai spun on her heel to leave.

  
Kai had almost reached the door when another thought occurred to her and she spun back to look at Isolde. "You know, Isolde, I may not forgive you, but I do need to thank you.  If you hadn't done what you did, I might not ever have met and had the privilege of loving that wonderful man." She heard Isolde sob before she opened the door and walked right into Ban Teagan.


	7. Funeral March

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai slaps Isolde, bangs into Teagan, and still has a funeral to go to, while hearing the voice of her dead lover in her head. Can things get worse? Oh yeah, Anora's planning on subbing Alistair for his brother and giving Fereldans the dead king they never got.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BioWare owns all but what I made up. 
> 
>  
> 
> Well, the last chapter was shorter, and didn't have the funeral yet. I promise I am getting to it. But I just had to leave it as a sort of cliffhanger. I mean what do you do when you obviously have been slapping around someone's sister-in-law and they have obviously been eavesdropping? And I admit it was cathartic to give Isolde the bitch slap she so rightly deserves. As you can tell, I really did get tempted to let Jowan bleed her to save Connor in the game, but I didn't. So, it just seemed appropriate to stop there and start a new chapter. Let me know what you think.
> 
> Again, thanks to all of you who read, and put it on favorites. And especially those who review. Your encouragement is a real blessing.

Kai felt all of her rage at Isolde drain out of her like water in a broken pot the minute she ran into Teagan, literally. She was snapped back into her body instead of being a casual observer, and the adrenaline stopped, causing her legs to go shaky. Teagan had to catch her as she stumbled.

 

Kai realized that he had one hand on her neck and one on her waist almost as if he was going to kiss her, which was ridiculous as the man was more likely to slap her for her ill treatment of his sister-in-law than to put his lips on hers. Kai felt a her face turning scarlet, and she felt feverish and light headed and dreadfully embarrassed. The nausea seemed to be coming back as well. "I don't know how much you heard," she began lamely, and it only caused her to flush more.

 

Teagan merely changed the position of his hands switching them to her shoulders, making sure she could stand on her own before removing them. His face was impassive, Kai felt horrible. She had great respect for Teagan and no wish for him to think ill of her, but she was not sorry. Isolde deserved every smack and every harsh word. Teagan took a look around as if to check for any others who might be lurking then grabbed her hand, tugging her to follow him. Kai was too light-headed to put up much protest, and she and Argus found themselves being taken along to the very garden where Kai had intended to read.

 

Teagan sat her on a stone bench there, made sure she wouldn't fall over, and then seated himself next to her. Kai could feel the cool stone of the bench through the leggings she wore and the cool stone of the garden wall where she rested her twirling head. She closed her eyes and listened to the drone of the bees, they had always soothed her as a child when she was upset, and they did so now. When she dared look at Teagan, who had remained silent thus far, she found him grinning at her...with admiration? By Andraste’s knickers, the man was grinning as if he were proud! "You have no idea, how many times I have wanted to slap that woman silly myself." 

 

Kai found she couldn't help herself and burst out laughing hysterically until tears poured out of her eyes. Teagan laughed with her until they were both snuffling and twittering. They had a tendency to cause each other to start again if they caught each others' expression. Finally, it seemed to wind down. Kai hadn't realized how much she needed that release. Teagan pulled out a pouch from his belt and opened it up. He took out what looked like a napkin from the dining hall and opened it, revealing sticky buns.

 

"Your brother said these are your favorites. You looked so pale and you ate so little, I thought you might need more. You have been asleep for six days., we spoon fed you broth and water, but you haven't eaten much." Teagan held out the napkin towards her, she looked into his kind face and felt herself flushing more. She took a bun and broke off a piece to pop in her mouth. It was then she realized he had said we  tried to spoon broth into you.

 

"Teagan, I didn't realize you had taken care of me while I was unconscious. I...ah...thank you," she finished lamely.

 

"It was nothing, your mage friend, Wynne, had to practically be dragged away from your side and forced to rest, heal, and eat herself."  This statement caused no small amount of guilt to come surging past the anger and indifference she felt towards Wynne so far. "And when your brother Fergus was found alive, he became part of our 'Kai rotation,' as we called it. We bathed you, put poultices on some of the wounds, Wynne healed the broken bones and your cracked skull."

 

Teagan popped a sticky bun into his mouth, "Oh these are good!" he said once he swallowed.

 

"Bathed me? You didn't..." Kai felt her face turning bright scarlet again,to which Teagan merely laughed.

 

"No dear lady, not I, your virtue is safe from me." Kai felt herself giving a great sigh of relief. Teagan smiled and put another sticky bun in her hand. "So, did the honey on these delightful confections come from these hives?" Teagan made a sweeping gesture toward the skeps placed in various locations in the garden.

 

"I doubt you wanted to talk about beekeeping or sticky buns, my lord," she teased him with his title a smile curving her lips. Teagan didn't smile back, instead he looked sad.

 

"What you said to Isolde." Kai groaned inwardly and waited for a mild scolding. Surely she deserved it a little, even if she wasn't penitent. "It was all true, she treated Alistair shamefully, and Eamon allowed it to keep the peace in his house and because he was infatuated with his new young bride, while keeping the peace with other nobles for choosing an Orlesian." Teagan looked away. "But I did nothing to help him either, I could have taken him in, given him a home, I didn't, I was a coward." Teagan looked at her then down at his hands.

 

Kai grasped one of Teagan's hands, "You weren't a coward Teagan, you were a very young man, with no wife and a bannorn to learn how to manage." She gave his hand a squeeze and felt reassured when the pressure was returned. "Besides, it was not yours to do. King Maric put your brother in charge of his son, not you. And while I respect your brother in so many ways, it was his responsibility, this was a major failing on his part. But, so too have I failed of't'ner myself, as my old nanny used to say." Kai bit her lip, thinking on how to continue, to explain. "It is not so much the failure of your brother, Teagan, it was Isolde’s cruelty that made me so angry. I have seen enough of deliberate cruelty, and I am sick and full to bursting with it."

 

Teagan looked at her with a grateful smile, though she had no idea why he should feel any gratitude, it wasn't Teagan's fault to her mind. Kai allowed herself to look around the garden. It was refreshingly the same as it had been when she last saw it. Here, she could pretend that the woman sitting on the bench with Teagan was the same as the one who had last been in it. Not this woman who had slapped another. Not this woman whose hands could, and had, slit people's throats and driven arrows into eye sockets. A woman who had become a sword, all the slag melted off and pounded into a blade so sharp she’d even cut herself.

 

Kai was jarred from her thoughts by Argus placing his head on her lap and whining and looking at her and Teagan. He barked, which startled both of them, and ran to the sundial. "Ah, so your friend is right. By the sundial my lady, it is time we went to the funeral. I don't think Anora will forgive any tardiness." Teagan offered her his arm, and they both took their leave of the garden. Kai gave it one last longing look over her shoulder before they turned the corner and it passed from view.

 

Anora, either anticipating or wanting a big crowd, had planned for the funeral to be held in one of the bigger harvested fields outside of Highever. There would be room for everyone, and since there was moist soil, they were not likely to set anything afire as they cremated the body.  The body, oh Maker! Kai forced herself to swallow continually and not vomit.  If she kept throwing up she would be defeating the purpose of everyone’s forcing food on her.

 

Kai, Teagan, and everyone who had visited her last night, except for Zev, were in front of the large crowd gathered in the field. Zev’s absence caused a momentary panic which abated when the Antivan simply materialized as if from thin air at her side. Anora, of course, stood near the bier. Her golden hair swept back into her usual pretty braided buns. She was dressed immaculately and looked beautiful.

 

Yes, pretty little viper indeed, mused Kai. Anora kept shooting her looks, which Kai expected.  Her brother Fergus leaned to whisper in her ear, "Ah, Anora does not look happy to see you awake and standing, little sister." She could hear the smile in his voice as he stood behind her and put his hands on her shoulders.

 

"No doubt she hoped I might just pass into the Fade in my sleep. I would say I am sorry, but I am not in a penitent mood, dear brother," Kai jested back. In truth her hands were clammy, her stomach had butterflies, and she just wished it was all over. Anora concerned her not a jot, but she was very afraid she was going to collapse the minute she saw Alistair's body, thus letting Anora know just how weak she really was.

 

"Or maybe run screaming into the crowd in your small clothes?" The voice, his voice that had for some reason been missing all day, returned. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry, and right now she didn't care if it was a desire demon or her own deranged head. Kai put a hand to her mouth to stifle a laugh.

 

She took a look around her, besides Fergus, Eamon and Isolde were there. Isolde refused to look her in the eye, and she noticed the woman wore that Orlesian face powder she favored so much caked on thicker than usual. Still, pink showed through on each cheek. As Eamon looked at Kai with nothing but kindness and a sad smile, she figured that Isolde kept their little “chat” a secret. Shale, Sten, Leli, Oghren, Argus and of course dear Zev were all fanned out in a semi-circle around her. Zev just squeezed her hand and held it. The rest of the huge crowd seemed to consist of mostly the same nobles who had been at the Landsmeet and the locals of Highever and the nearby Bannorn.

 

It was at the edge of the crowd some distance away that she caught sight of Wynne. Wynne looked so old and frail, not at all like the formidable mage she had fought the darkspawn with. Kai suddenly felt all the anger melt away and guilt replace it, along with more sorrow. She started to step out of the crowd to go to her, but Anora signaled for the bearers to bring the body to the bier.

 

Kai watched as solemn knights, assigned as an honor guard, walked slowly to a dirge played by a nearby orchestra. Ah, Anora was pulling out all the stops, she wouldn't want anything to blow her sweet little persona. Kai watched until they got close enough that she could start to see Alistair's armored feet, and then she had to look away. She found herself with a gross interest in the soil beneath her feet and the way the sun was shining on the pebbles there. Zev squeezed her hand, and she heard him whisper so only she could hear, "You need to look, Kai."

 

She took a deep breath and schooled her face, she was expecting that Anora had put Alistair in the same rather ostentatious golden armor that his brother Cailan wore. She couldn't look at that, her heart was pounding painfully in her chest. He should be in his Dead Legion armor, not looking like some pompous noble! He should be alive, I should be dead, her mind was screaming at her. The sun was shining and the birds were singing and he was dead! She should be dead! The world shouldn't be going on as if he were still here. Should be, should be, should be kept echoing over and over again like a hammer in her skull. Her breath was coming in great rasps like the last gasps of the dying. Her heart continued to gallop madly in her chest and seemed to be getting louder with each beat. A band had tightened over her skull, and all the crowd noises and the dirge seemed to go into a tunnel. She thought surely she was just going to collapse right here, never to rise again, and that was just fine. Let Anora take what she wanted from that.

 

"KAI!!!" Alistair's voice shouted in her ear, snapping her head back and bringing her back to herself. She felt Fergus's hands tighten on her shoulders, and Zev's hand was squeezing her right hand. Someone was holding her left, it was Teagan, when did that happen? What transpired felt like an eternity, but from the position of the servants no more than a few seconds had passed.

 

And then they placed him on the wood set there. Kai could have wept with relief just to see that he was indeed in his Dead Legion Armor and not some golden shell he would never have worn. His body wasn’t a substitute for Cailan, whom the people of Ferelden had not been able to send off, just like their father Maric. Kai realized that was exactly what Anora had planned, she would give them Alistair as Cailan, and they would forget the royal bastard as if he had never existed.

  
A look passed across Anora's face so quickly it would be missed by those not watching her closely, but Kai caught it. Anora was furious, her plans had once again been thwarted. Kai was shaking with relief, but she locked her knees down, and when Anora's gaze passed over her, she allowed her lips the barest of smiles.


	8. Smoke Gets in Your Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai almost loses herself only to be saved by Alistair's voice in her head again. Is it him, or just her going round the bend. And now she must give a few words which will not endear her to Anora one bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so the idea for Anora dressing Alistair up like his brother to substitute him for Cailan (at least symbolically) and cement the minds of the people that Anora should have been queen all along and that what her father did never happened, came out of left field as I was typing. I hope you like that plot addition, please let me know whether you love it or hate it. I am making Anora far more nasty than the game ever did, but it seems right and it is fun to do. You have to have someone to hate right? So, on with the show!
> 
> Blessings!

 

Anora's eyes shot daggers at Kai, but they were quickly shuttered again. My, my but the little viper does learn fast Kai thought. Kai stood sweating in her light tunic and leggings, this many bodies pressed in together made things very hot indeed. Only Zev did not seem to be overly warm, in fact for the first time since Kai had met him he actually seemed comfortable. Then again, Antiva is a warmer clime then Ferelden, poor Zev. His blood never had thickened up like hers to withstand the balmy Ferelden weather.

 

Kai had to stifle a giggle, which she was very afraid would turn into laughter. What was wrong with her? Her emotions seemed to be running amok. First she is going to collapse and now she was trying not to laugh hysterically, Andraste's holy knickers, she must be going mad. But could you go mad if you knew enough to ask if you were going mad? Kai had to stifle another giggle that threatened to find its way past her lips again.

 

"Ah, Anora is giving that speech full of manure, just like we thought little sister." Fergus voice whispered in her ear. Fergus' comments weren't helping her state of mind. She felt like someone who has dodged certain death and finds themselves disbelieving and giddy to have done so.

 

A flash of insight hit Kai like an arrow hitting a target. Zev had been gone all morning. He wouldn't have anything to do with thwarting Anora's little plot to dress Alistair as Cailan would he? Kai made a mental note to ask him later. Now, was neither the time nor the place, as Anora or one of her supporters might overhear. Kai preferred to keep Zev a secret weapon. Assassins worked best if people didn't see them coming, or at least she assumed that was the case, they hadn't had a need for a lot of secrecy in the Deep Roads. And in Antiva, The Crows were the best kept secret everybody knew about.

 

Finally, thank the Maker, Anora's lengthy speech was over and it was time for those who wanted to see the body and pay their respects to do so. 'Everyone,' to Anora, meant only those closest to Alistair, since she wanted to speed things up and get back to Ferelden to get her crown. It would have been impolitic to set the body ablaze without giving those who were considered his family time though. Anora was greedy to rule, but not stupid.

 

Anora had cut off any possible anger by the people, simply telling them that the body wouldn't last much longer, which was a lie. And that it was because he had to be laid to rest at Highever, which was Kai's fault, they couldn't allow the usual parade for so distinguished a personage.

Before Anora could do the honors, and despite being closest to the bier, Kai stepped in front of the crowd effectively cutting Anora off. Anora would not be the first to touch him, to say good bye. So Kai had forced herself forward without even realizing she had done so. Anora shot more daggers at her, and again Kai smiled so only the little viper could see it. Two could play this game.

 

She walked up and saw he looked like he did when he was sleeping. How many times had she looked at that face while he slept? "You know that is kind of creepy right? To watch while someone sleeps?" His voice sounded in her ear with mirth.

 

"Oh, yeah, like I never caught you doing that to me, especially the first time we-"

Kai got interrupted in her own head. "Licked a lamppost in Winter?" Alistair's voice sounded with with familiar humor at the old joke they shared.

 

"Oh how I wish I knew what to make of this internal exchange. I don't know if I miss it more when it isn't there or if it kills me more on the inside when I do." The voice, his voice, was silent on this.

They had left his helmet off, and to the side as was the sword, Starfang, that she had had made for him from a meteorite she had found. She found herself leaning forward and kissing his forehead, and his lips. They were cool but not cold like she expected. It was like a building and no one was there. Kai could hear Anora impatiently tapping her foot into the dirt wanting her to hurry up. Kai reached up, and untied the rose he had given her. She placed it between his armor covered hands. "Zev was right, I needed to do this." She whispered. And then she was stepping back into the crowd. She couldn't bear to look at their faces as they had watched her exchange.

It did surprise her to see Zev go next, but she gave it a passing curiosity as her thoughts were turned inward, on keeping control, presenting a neutral mask. She was determined to give Anora no quarter and no satisfaction. She had no idea what Zev said, he only came back and took her hand in his again.

 

Eamon, Teagan, all of their party took their turns. Wynne strode up from the back of the crowd, brushed her hand across his forehead like a mother would a feverish child and then strode back the way she had come. Even Isolde went forward on her own and bent down to say something, which surprised Kai.. Kai even caught a glimpse of a little white mutt with yellow eyes. To anyone else it would have been just a stray, curious at what the humans were doing, maybe hoping for food. Kai knew in her bones it was Morrigain. But she lost sight of the little dog and she was not in a position to chase Morrigan down had Morrigan been of a mind to let her.

 

Then it was Anora's turn, last but not least Kai thought. Boy she must be getting pissed, her plans had not gone the way she wanted them to, of that Kai was sure. Kai found she was having almost as much fun thwarting Anora at every turn as she had Howe and Loghain. "Nothing like making someone powerful soil their drawers to get you going, eh my love?" Alistair's voice had laughter in it, making her want to laugh herself.

 

Really Kai, you need to get a hold of yourself! Maker's Breath girl! You smack Lady Isolde around, you taunt the soon to be Queen of Ferelden, on her second go around. What you miss danger and putting your life on the line so much this is what you do? She felt another hand grab her free left hand and squeeze, effectively breaking off her own chastising internal monologue. Teagan looked at her with a reassuring smile briefly before turning back to what was going on.

A lit torch was being handed to Anora, to light the bier. Instead of setting the wood under Alistair's body ablaze, she walked across the crowd and handed it to Kai.

 

Ah, little viper! Anora no doubt meant it as a slight. Hand the torch to his lover, the woman who had bedded him without a wedding ring. In the Chantry's eyes a sinner. The woman who made him king and then let him die. The other Gray Warden, the other 'Hero of Ferelden. ”Ah yes, Anora, very clever, and oh so transparent, you might just have stepped over a line you shouldn't have crossed and allowed your inner bitch out for all of Ferelden to see. Kai simply let that small smile play along her lips and gave Anora her sardonic raised eyebrow meant for Anora's eyes only. Where everyone else could see it, Kai gave a slight bow. And Kai could hear the gasps at Anora's little social slip start in the crowd, along with some hushed whispers. Anora's eyes got wide for a moment and then glistened with hatred. As she walked by Anora she couldn't resist.

 

"Oops."

 

Kai stepped behind the bier, facing the crowd. "Today, we honor the last of the Theirin line. Maric's  son, the man who saved us all from the Blight. He proved his bloodline over and over, with his humor, his bravery, his strength, and his unholy love of fine cheeses!" Kai's finally allowed her eyes to shed the tears she had been holding back, while she and the gathered crowd laughed at her joke. His love of cheese did seem to come from Maric, as they both had an addiction to the foodstuff, and the nobles who knew Maric responded with a great cheer.

Kai looked at Anora who could no longer keep her composure, and her hatred showed plainly and openly for all who may have missed it earlier. Kai smiled wider and raised the torch high and brought it down to touch the oiled wood of the bier. She made a clockwise motion until the whole bier was aflame. She tossed the torch on top and walked back to the group waiting for her.


	9. Inflections and Innuendos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ocular daggers are thrown, with Kai thwarting Anora's plans to make Alistair's death a political one. But who changed the armor, none other than our saucy Antivan. And Anora hints she knows a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you keep enjoying the story. I am just glad to have the first part of the funeral out of the way, that was really hard to write. Please feel free to review. And thank you so much for your support! : )
> 
> Blessings!

Kai stood with her extended family and watched the flames lick at the bier, sending greasy black smoke into a beautiful blue sky. Fergus wrapped his arms around her waist this time. Zev took her hand once again and Teagan put her other hand in the crook of his elbow. They all seemed to press closer in comfort while the crowd behind them seemed to be dispersing. "Anora," Kai called out as Anora had turned to begin to leave. "A word if you would."

 

"What are you up to little sister?" Fergus whispered.

 

"Playing my hand at 'Wicked Grace,' dear brother," Kai whispered back. Anora reluctantly turned and came towards Kai, her face was schooled and neutral. Kai made her own features mirror Anora's, "Anora, who will be gathering Alistair's ashes?"

 

"I have some of my people set for that task. They will remain here and gather them while I-we head to Denerim." Anora looked Kai with a slight eyebrow tilt.

 

"No," I will gather the ashes and gather his armor." Kai merely continued to look at Anora keeping her face a mask.

 

Anora's eyebrows shot up as her eyes narrowed in anger. "But I wish to travel to Denerim today!" Anora's voice was becoming a hiss.

 

"Careful Anora or people might start thinking you don't love Ferelden and love only power." Kai simply continued keeping her own voice conversational. "I will not leave something as important as Alistair's remains to any but me. You are free to travel to Denerim without me, simply make an excuse to the people who are waiting there to see the 'Hero of Ferelden.' I am sure they will understand your reasons, whatever excuse you come up with, no?" Kai cocked her own eyebrow and tilted her head toward Anora. "Ah, I see that even you think the people would not buy any story you might make. They will want to see me. Well then, it seems we won't be leaving until the ashes have cooled and we have them and his armor safely sorted away." Kai merely shrugged. "I will send word when it is done." Kai merely waved a hand to let Anora know she was done talking.

 

Anora's face became a mask of fury, and she drew close enough that Kai could smell her scent, soft flowers, and lavender. "I am queen, how dare you treat me this way!"

 

"You are not queen yet Anora, I know how clever you think you are." Kai let a small smile play along her lips as she said a couple of names. "Arl Howe, Ser Cauthrien?" Kai let out a little chuckle as Anora's eyes got wide. "Oh yes Anora, and if I could figure that out, I wonder what other dirty little secrets you've been hiding I might be able to find? Or what other plots I can uncover. Like the one where you dress Alistair as Cailan, maybe?" Kai shrugged at her again. "You want power, but I know what you really want more than that Anora."

 

Kai watched as Anora huffed, waved her arm dismissively, and turned and took a few steps to leave. "You know nothing of what I really want."

 

"I know you want the love of the Fereldan people. Daddy wasn't around you and your mother much I understand. He was busy helping Maric in Denerim, the country needed him. Or so he said, but it seems he was running away from his pretty young wife and pretty young daughter. You didn't get enough of Daddy's love, so you need something to fill that hole." Kai watched as Anora spun back and had her face close to Kai's again, snarling like any rabid dog.

 

"That isn't true, you take that back!" Kai kept her face passive and stared Anora down. It was Anora, like Lady Isolde earlier, who looked away.

 

"You want their love. If you harm anyone I care about, I will personally make sure that you never get that love no matter what it takes. As the 'Hero of Ferelden,' I have that power. You would do well to remember that Anora. We will wait until I have gotten the ashes. It should be done by tonight and we can leave in the morning. That isn't so long to wait now is it?" Kai kept her face neutral, but the adrenaline was starting to wane and her legs were getting shaky again.

 

Luckily for Kai, Anora apparently had had enough. She simply nodded and walked away from Kai in great strides her fists clenched at her sides. She turned when she was a few steps out, "You think you know everything, but there are some things you haven't even figured out, Warden." And with that Anora stalked off.

 

"Well that was exhilarating." Teagan laughed.

 

Eamon looked at Kai. "She reminds me of Loghain more and more."

 

"That last line was cryptic; I wonder what the little viper meant? You are playing a dangerous game indeed little sister; you need to be extra careful." Fergus had turned her around and hugged her.

 

"Don't worry brother, Mother and Father taught us well the game of politics, remember? And I have a few things I learned while fighting the Blight that they didn't teach me. And I have the best and most talented friends to help me" She hugged him back hard.

 

"That is true, my dear Gray Warden." Zev's voice sounded behind her, Kai turned to see the assassin putting a small very sharp dagger back in a hidden sheath in his clothing. A dagger Kai had reason to know was meant for close in work and coated in a very nasty poison, she could only burst out laughing.

 

"You really know how to win friends and influence people Warden." Kai almost fell over when Oghren smacked her on the back.

 

"Thanks Oghren, I think." Kai put a hand on the dwarf's shoulder to steady herself.

 

"Well, if we are going to stay here watching the little pike twirler burn, we will need provisions. Hey Fergus, you wouldn't have any more ale around would ya?" Oghren now clapped Fergus on the back almost toppling him forwards.

 

"Well my friend, let’s go see what we can find." He winked at Oghren and turned briefly to Kai. "You’ll be all right here?"

 

"Rest assured she will be fine, my dear Gray Warden is in good hands." Zev nodded at Fergus. "But I for one, do not relish sitting on the cold ground, so if someone might bring some chairs for us to sit on?"

 

"I suppose what the painted elf means me as the 'someone' he is referring to." Shale sighed. "Of course it does. It was not enough I carried tents and supplies all over Thedas, now it wants me to cart chairs. I should squish its head like a lemon." But Shale turned back toward Highever with Fergus and Oghren.

 

"I am going to go get Schmooples and food, and my lute! Wait for me!" Leliana babbled as she jogged towards the group.

 

Isolde had already left with the majority of the crowd, which left Kai standing with Sten, Teagan, Eamon, and Zev. No one seemed inclined towards conversation. "Please be careful my love, very, very careful. ”Alistair's voice spoke into her ear, Kai just looked at the clouds floating so peacefully in the blue sky.

 

Sten seemed to be looking towards the receding backs of their friends and started to walk to catch up. "Sten, where are you going?" Kai asked teasing the Qunari, she knew full well he was off to get more cookies, and she smiled at his retreating back.


	10. I Heard it on the Road to Denerim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So it’s back to Denerim we go folks and just a little plotting before the Landsmeet hall scene.  
> Thank you again for all your support and reviews!
> 
> Blessings!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BioWare owns everything but my character's and her dog's names, and the Ceffyl's and their names. : )

Kai groaned as the carriage they were riding in hit yet another pothole that sent everything and everyone inside it shooting about a foot into the air before landing hard on the pillow covered benches. The jolt caused everyone's jaws to clack together and their spines to compress with the sudden stop, Kai wondered if she would be a foot shorter by the time they got to Denerim. She almost wished she were back in the field watching Alistair's remains finish burning. They’d had another party of sorts, a wake, a little more sober and at times sad, than the one they had in her room the night before. It was so hard to take the armor and sword still whole and warm from the flames and put them into a chest. Scooping up the ashes had been another extremely difficult task.

Kai fingered the small leather pouch around her neck which held some of those ashes, until her hand went flying as her arms flew up to reflexively catch the wall, when they hit another pothole. "Nug humper!"

"You didn't complain this much the last time we were on the road Warden." Oghren grinned at her.

"Yes, well being comatose really helped." She couldn't help but wink and smile back. Leli laughed and then continued sniffing the bundle of herbs she’d had the foresight to bring, she’d given each party member a bundle tied in ribbons. They made the air in the carriage a little sweeter when you rubbed them releasing the aromatic oils. Oghren with his usual couth manner had asked if he was supposed to wipe his arse with the twigs in lieu of leaves. Leli had merely smacked him and taken them back, before walking off with her nose in the air. Kai had no idea what Sten and Shale had said to the proffered gift. Especially since Shale had no sense of smell that she knew of.

They were traveling in what amounted to covered wooden boxes with the merest hints of slitted windows at the top which let in the barest hint of light and air, and could be closed quickly in case of attack or used as archer's holes to shoot from. The lamps inside them held the same runes in them that the mages used at the Circle. These lanterns wouldn't spill oil and set people alight if the carriage should overturn and it least allowed enough light that one could read or play chess with pieces with pegs in the bottoms to fit in holes in the board so they stayed in place, or mostly stayed in place. Some of the potholes must have been the size of cows.

They were all taking turns riding in the carriage or on horseback around the carriage with the armored retinues that Anora and all the nobles hired. Any highwaymen or bandits who would try and rob this group of travelers would do so at their peril.

Only Sten and Shale did not ever ride in the carriage or on horseback. No horse could hold either of them, Sten found the carriage claustrophobic, and with good reason. With him in the carriage the space became considerably smaller.

Shale the golem didn't care about the elements. After thirty years stuck in a village square being a statue, as long as she was moving Shale couldn't care less about the weather. Oghren was the only one who rode in the carriage almost full time, as his horsemanship consisted of him staying on a horse for about four to six seconds, give or take, before he invariably slid off one side or the other. Even when they’d gotten a child's saddle so he could reach the stirrups, which he found demeaning, it hadn't worked.

The carriage's closed in space was not conducive to keeping friendships for long if one didn't get out to fresh air. Even without the Horde having destroyed large swaths of the countryside on its way to Denerim during the Blight, there was only the occasional inn along the way in this section of Ferelden. This area consisted of mostly farm holds, so inns and baths were hard to come by.  
It reminded Kai of the, not so, good old days when they were on the road during the Blight. But back then they weren't stuck indoors with one another and could walk a ways apart if they were a little pungent. "You mean like Wynne accused me and the dog of being?" Alistair's voice sounded in her ear again feigning hurt. Kai smiled at the thought.

It also didn't help that the rain was following them, ever since Alistair's funeral and the roads were nothing more than streams with mud that sucked at the horse’s hooves and made the wagon wheels slid precariously down slopes. That was if the wheels didn't get stuck all together, requiring everyone to get out and push. One good thing about the rain, it was almost like having a bath so body odor wasn't as bad as it could have been. With the exceptions to that being Oghren and Argus who, when wet, seemed to amplify, rather than dampen, their aromas.

Kai always liked the rain, and had a tendency to walk in it as if it was a sunny day. It didn't bother her to be soaked through, but poor Zev was just miserable. Speaking of Zev, it seemed time to switch places with him and take a ride in the rain. Kai pushed open the door in the back of the carriage and looked out to find Fergus, Teagan, and Zev riding their Ceffyls with Argus trotting along beside them. They rode between their wagon and Eamon's which was following them.

Ceffyls like everything else in Ferelden were built for survival and independence. Orlesians considered them excessively ugly in comparison to their own Chevals. Ceffyls used their huge thick heads, with sharp flat teeth, for cutting off short and sparse grasses, twigs on trees, and even bark, making them able to live off of plant material that would stop up the guts of their pretty Orlesian counterparts. They could and did live on very little water, able to get what they needed from dew and rainfall, or snow if needs be. And like Mabari, Ceffyls were smart enough to do independent reasoning and problem solving, which included scraping snow away in winter to get to grass underneath. They were stocky muscular, and if thought you had insulted them, very, very mean. A Cheval, while pretty, would stand in snow and starve before it would think to scrape the snow to look for grass.

During the Orelsian occupation Meghren had ordered the slaughter of the breed as Fereldans used them as battle horses. It was just another means of trying to keep the Fereldans in line. The breed had almost died out. But a luckily two herds had been found after the occupation, roaming around the countryside, and a re-breeding program was under way. It was a slow process, as they had so few numbers to work with. And they needed to be careful of birth defects and physical defects that could show up down the line. But so far, they were making great progress.

Ceffyls never pulled wagons, it would be boring for them, and a bored Ceffyl was nasty and hard to control. In perhaps a turn of fortune, Chevals left behind after the occupation, were being bred with some of the genetically weaker Ceffyls creating a sturdy hybrid capable of doing more menial labor. It smartened up the Cheval and dumbed down the Ceffyl. But it made a horse less likely to bolt in fear and take your carriage racing off. Luckily for Anora, Highever was one of the places breeding full blooded and hybrid Ceffyls again,so they had been able to provide more for the journey back.

Zev, as well as the others developed a routine which did not require the wagons to slow. One simply guided their Ceffyl up to the wagon door and the horse would side canter allowing the one rider to jump off into the wagon and the new rider to take the reins. Zev looked up from under the hood of his oilskin raincoat to see Kai. Zev's Ceffyl was a dappled gray creature with a snow white mane and tail when dry, and who was now dark gray and cream as the rain slicked her coat. He guided Rhia, as his Ceffyl was named, into the side canter and slid back so Kai could jump on and take the reins. She was surprised when he didn't jump in the wagon but merely closed the door and slid his arms around her waist.

Kai guided Rhia back into formation next to Teagan, not that Rhia really needed guiding, being as smart as a Mabari, meant the Ceffyl pretty much guided herself.

"Nice day for a ride is it not, dear lady?" Teagan grinned at her rain slicking his honey brown hair down and darkening it to muddy brown. Fergus too grinned at her over the head of his Ceffyl. Like her and Teagan, Fergus didn't mind the rain.

"Ugh, you Fereldans are so strange, you act as if there is no water falling from the sky." Kai felt Zev speaking into her back.

"It rains too much here to let a little water become an issue, Zev. Why didn't you go into the wagon and dry off?" Kai tried not to smile at the elf's obvious misery.

"Maybe because I prefer to have my arms wrapped around a beautiful woman rather than sitting in a closed in space with a dwarf who smells like a cross between a tavern and a privy?"  
Kai laughed and playfully slapped the hand that had crept up her front to skim the edges of her armor across her chest. He made his reach obvious so she knew he was joking. It didn't mean her skin didn't tingle where he touched her. Damn she missed intimacy with another warm body, Alistair's body. Maker besides missing his smile and jokes, she had to miss their lovemaking too? Life was very cruel indeed. "And a cruel thing you would have done to me had it been the other way around. Everyone knows it is much worse for men than women." Came his cheeky response.

"Hah, 'everyone' knows no such thing." She answered back.

She tilted her head to better hear Zev when she felt him talking into her back again. "Or maybe it was because I wanted to talk to you. There are some things we should discuss before we reach Denerim, especially if you are going to keep angering our soon to be queen, no?"

"Hmm, I just have a bad feeling about her being queen. And it has nothing to do with her not being of royal blood." Kai began.

"Just about her being a royal bitch?" Zev jested back his laugh ringing out amongst the raindrops. Kai, Teagan and Fergus let their own laughter join his.

Kai sobered almost immediately. "Yes, that would be it. I would almost rather saw my tongue in half then say it, but I wonder if she won't be worse than Loghain."

"No doubt dear lady, you echo what Eamon, Fergus, and I have all been worrying over as well." Teagan smiled at her.

"She may not be, she may turn out to be a good queen." Kai retorted, but she didn't believe it. "Great, we need to rebuild Ferelden, rebuild the wardens, and fight off rogue darkspawn bands that are going to keep popping up, and try and keep an eye on Anora, yes, nothing to it!" Kai let out a bark of cynical laughter. "Do we know who she is going to take as her adviser? I am guessing not Eamon, since he wanted Alistair on the throne."

"Anora plans to advise Anora. Word is that she is confident in her ability to rule all by herself." Teagan looked at Kai.

"Sounds like a dictatorship to me. Is there really no one else we could get the people behind who would be better? Are you sure Cailan had no royal indiscretions running around with his color hair or blue eyes, or the Theirin nose?" Kai asked hopefully "Preferably one that looks just like Cailan, or Maric?" Kai made her voice do the tone of a child saying 'pretty please,' for a sweet.

Teagan laughed at her obvious attempt at light heartedness for a very serious situation. "None that we know of, of course we haven't had a lot of time to look either with the Blight and all. We might be able to start looking in a lot more earnest now. Since the letters you found when you returned to Ostagar implied Cailan was aware that Anora was the problem not he, despite his anger at Eamon suggesting it was. We can only hope that maybe there will be one somewhere. It isn't a lot to pin hope on." Teagan replied.

"Yes, but it seems that is the best have at the moment." Kai looked at Teagan and Fergus.

"I would still like to know what she meant by 'you still haven't figured out everything, Warden, meh meh meh'." Alistair's voice used frippery to draw attention to a serious question as he did when he was alive.

"I would like to know what she meant when she told me I haven't figured out everything yet. You don't suppose she meant that there is a child with Theirin blood out there, do you?" Kai looked at her riding companions.

"Oh good, take credit for my question" Alistair's voice spoke in her ear feigning being insulted.

"Hush you," she retorted back with a mental smile. It was getting surprisingly easier to talk to what, herself, she still wasn't sure.

"Maybe, we can only hope." Teagan smiled back at her, but she could see the worry in his eyes at Anora's cryptic statement.

It was then that she felt Zev tug on her arm and point. They had come to a rise in the road, and Denerim was straight ahead.


	11. From the Point of a Needle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So here we are in Denerim, before the big ceremony making Anora queen. For those of you who missed Wynne, she missed you too! Will Kai finally have to dress like a meringue? Read on and find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns all but my character's and her dog's names. : )
> 
> I apologize for the long, long time between postings. I've been trying to write my own novel between work and taking care of a home. And my dad got sick with cancer, a primary glioblastoma multiform of the brain and he passed away. I hope to do better by you all.
> 
> I will just say thanks for keeping up with the story, for putting it on your favorites. For all your feedback. I love the encouragement from reviews and the traffic I have on the story. Thank you! So on with the show.

Kai was trying hard not to fidget as she stood with her arms straight out from her body as a servant was fitting her for a dress for the coronation ceremony going on this afternoon. They had made it to Denerim in the pouring rain, and been unpacked and put in the farthest part of the castle away from Anora that she could put them. All the rain that had followed them from Highever had blown off into the Waking Sea and the sun had shone drying out puddles as if the skies had never been anything but blue and bright.

“Please stand straight my lady!” Came the voice of the exasperated seamstress who was directing the servants helping her stick pins in the nightmare that they were adjusting for the final fitting. In fact Kai only wished it was a nightmare and she could wake up. She was hot, sweating, uncomfortable and very bored. She kept trying to ignore what was going on by doing mental exercises that Sten had taught her, the one he had used when he was locked in the cage in Lothering. A sort of 'I spy' game. There were a lot of things in the room that started with the letter 'c.'

“Nug Humper!” Kai yelped when one of the pins scraped the skin along her ribs. The seamstress looked scandalized. Her assistants just hid their mouths behind their hands and tried not to laugh. Leli who was sitting on a chair nearby with a pair of dainty shoes to go with the monstrosity they were currently trying adjust to fit her, giggled, at Kai.

“I am so sorry my lady!” A plain looking young woman cried her eyes wide. She was a new girl who had been brought in when one of the other assistants had gotten ill suddenly. Kai was surprised they didn't rotate servants more, as this dress thing had taken hours.

“Don't worry about it.” Kai shifted from foot to foot. “I have had worse.” Why was it she thought, that small shallow cuts often stung so bad?

“If her ladyship would just stand still, I am sure we could get this done in less time and with less bleeding?” The seamstress said with a wry twist of her lips and a pointed look at Kai.

“Obnoxious old bat.” Kai said under her breath which caused the elven servant on her other side, to giggle into her hand.

“All right, let’s have a look at you.” The 'obnoxious old bat' pulled Kai off the stool she had been standing on and pushed her in front of a full length mirror.

Maker, she looked like a meringue. The bodice was tight pushing her, well her assets, almost up under her chin. Then it all seemed to explode in layers of silk and ribbons. She looked like she her legs had gotten stuck into a tiered and iced cake. Ugh she huffed in mental disgust, this is ridiculous. “'The Hero of Ferelden' dressed like this? The darkspawn would have been able to kill you instantly in that get up, if they didn't fall down laughing first.” Came Alistair's voice laughing in her ear.

“And now finally we can get to your hair.” The seamstress was speaking again. The way she said 'hair' you would think a dead animal was on Kai's head, not sleek black curling locks. "If she doesn't like my hair now, she would have really loved it when it had darkspawn blood in it." Kai grumbled under her breath.

No, I cannot do this, she thought. I am not going to the coronation dressed like a doll. Kai started reaching for the buttons running down the back. “Nope, sorry, I am not going to the coronation in this dress. I can't and won't do it!” Alistair's voice just laughed inside her ear as if he was rolling around unable to control himself. Glad you find this so funny she thought into her own head. “You're not helping!” Which only made his voice laugh harder.

What ensued next, she would later be told by Leli from an outside observer's point of view, was a comedy fit for any stage in Thedas. The seamstress grew red in the face and sputtered following Kai around the room as Kai kept trying to reach the long line of buttons in the back while arguing with the seamstress. Their arguing and bickering back and forth, while they circled the room, had caused the servants to simply stand against the wall covering their mouths and giggling. Leli too was giggling and of no help at all.

Finally it was Zev who had come to her rescue by simply taking a dagger and running it down the buttons of the dress and releasing Kai from her silken prison. When had he snuck in? Kai wondered.

As each button came off with a popping sound, the seamstress's face had gotten redder until Kai thought the woman was going to have aneurism and her head would simply pop like a cork. If it popped like a cork, Shale would be sorry she missed it, Kai giggled to herself. The seamstress had glared at Zev in a way that one would having stepped in something nasty and gotten it on their shoe. Then she had simply waved her hands at the two servants and left the room sputtering something about giving up. Kai stepped out of the piles of silk and toile as they puddled around her feet. Kai looked at Zev. “You have had a lot of practice at that haven't you?”

“Si.” Came Zev's response, as he leaned on the bedpost with his ankles crossed and a catlike smile on his face. He began cleaning under his fingernails with dagger he had used to rescue her.

Kai laughed. She was still in her small clothes and she couldn't very well go to the coronation in those. But with sudden insight she knew what would be appropriate. She walked over to a chest sitting against the wall. It held the armor she had worn to Fort Drakon. She had forgotten about it and found it again before they left Highever. It hadn't been cleaned or repaired. It still had every sword cut, arrow hole, scratch and burn. And still had all the darkspawn blood, her blood, the archdemon's blood, Alistair's blood-. Kai felt the room doing a tilt, and her vision got narrow. She thought she might fall over. Andraste's flaming sword it had gotten hot in here. Sweat was beading up along her skin.

Zev had crossed the room to steady her, thank the Maker for his quick reflexes. Wouldn't it be dandy to have a broken nose and two black eyes for the coronation? Kai felt really lightheaded and it took a moment to focus that Zev was speaking to her. Was he asking her if she was all right? Her hearing came back into to focus. Kai looked and even Leliana looked frightened. Kai shook her head. “No, I'm fine, really. Just a little warm in here. That stupid dress and standing for hours. What a waste.” Kai smiled at them. “Help me buckle on my armor please?” Kai threw on a simple cotton shirt wincing as it caught on the scratch on her side as she started to put on the armor. Leli, and Zev helped her get all strapped in.

“I like it my dear Gray Warden. You wear the armor that will remind people of why you are 'The Hero of Ferelden,' and you rub Anora's nose in it as well. I follow your thinking my friend.” He laughed and Kai smiled at him.

“I thought it might make a point, besides it is better than that awful waste of cloth they wanted me in.” Kai snorted.

“Aw, I thought you looked beautiful, and now you don't even get to wear the pretty shoes.” Leli pouted.

“You wear them Leli, and enjoy.” Kai waved a hand at the offensive footwear.

“Zev, did you find Wynne? Did you give her my message?” Kai asked as she sat on the bed and buckled on her boots. Kai,once they had reached Denerim, had been able to write Wynne a note. When she saw her at the funeral, Kai knew that she had not only forgiven Wynne, but that it was really, she herself, that needed to ask for Wynne's forgiveness. She had lost Alistair, and Morrigan, she would not lose another of her group if she could help it. Especially not to her own pride.

“I did, and she received it. She read it and agreed to meet with you.” Kai felt Zev's warm hand on her shoulder. “I am glad you are making amends.” Kai smiled up at him.

“Well, I am going to try, she will have to decide if I deserve her forgiveness. I hope I do.” Kai looked down again so Zev wouldn't see the tears in her eyes.

Leliana just stood watching Kai. “I am sure she will, Wynne is so kind, and wonderful.”

Ah, Leli always thinks the best of everyone, Kai thought even after being betrayed by her mentor.

“Well, why don't we go find out?” Kai strapped on her daggers and took Leliana and Zev's arms and walked out of the bedroom.

“You are a little warm my dear Gray Warden, are sure you are all right?” Zev asked as he brushed a hand over her forehead.

“I’m fine Zev, just nerves I think.” She smiled at him reassuring him. But truth be told she wasn't feeling well at all. She felt like she had a fever, and the sweat was making that scratch burn like it was on fire. Her head was starting to throb too.

They made their way to a side room off the Landsmeet hall. Kai felt her heart start to beat fast and her hands were clammy. And when she saw Wynne standing there her mouth went dry. She didn't know what Wynne was going to do, slap her? Kai felt she deserved it. Her knees started to buckle but she pushed herself forward. Wynne's face was impassive when she turned and saw Kai.

“My father always said you should look someone in the eye if you were going to apologize. He said it was important for the other person to know you meant it. He was right.” Kai felt her eyes tearing up. “Oh, Wynne, I am so, so sorry!” And with that Kai found herself sitting on a bench next to Wynne hugging her around the waist the way a small lost child does its mother.

“No, no child, you have nothing to be sorry for.” Wynne's cool hands came stroked her hair and hugged her close. And then Wynne had gently removed her arms from around her waist so she could sit and look Kai in the eye. “I am so sorry, he asked me to do it. He said he couldn't bear to lose you. He said you were the stronger one.” Kai barked out a laugh at this, but Wynne continued. “And he said you would be all right. As king, he ordered me to do it. He knew you meant to take the blow yourself. He begged me, Kai, after he ordered me.” Wynne was openly weeping at this point and her words seemed to be tumbling out like water over stones.

Kai just held Wynne while they both cried. And then she had a thought, and grasped Wynne's face with her hands looking her in the eye. “Wynne, I am talking to your spirit friend in you. You keep her alive and healthy as long as you can you hear me? I need her.” Kai looked into Wynne's eyes and tried to look through them as if she could see the spirit in there.

Wynn just smiled, hugged her tight, and kissed her forehead with cool lips. “You are warm my dear, are you running a fever?” Wynne hands started to glow with healing magic, but Kai stopped her.

“ I don't think I have a fever, it is just nerves.” Kai smiled at her trying to wipe away the remnants of tears and her snotty nose. Wynne produced two handkerchiefs out of her sleeves one for each of them. Kai laughed. “Always prepared Wynne? And I thought you weren't the typical old woman.” And she was very happy when Wynne laughed and it sounded genuine

“Only in having handkerchiefs on hand. Still no socks with pom poms, sorry.” Wynne smiled at her. Besides the handkerchief, Wynne pulled out a little pouch and handed it to Kai. “Alistair gave this to me right before- before the gates. He made me promise to give it to you.” Kai's hands shook as she opened it and tilted it upside down. Alistair's mother's pendant fell out onto her open palm. The one she had found at Redcliffe. She remembered the pure joy on his face as she had given it to him. Her hand closed over it reflexively. There was a small piece of paper in the pouch as well. A note in Alistair's hand writing.

My Beloved,  
I love you so much. More than my duty. More than Ferelden. More than my own life. If you have my mother's amulet, then my little trick with Wynne worked.  
I couldn't let you die. I couldn't go on in a world without you in it. You are my compass, my light in the dark, my strength when I thought all was lost. You are so much stronger than me, and you know it. You have the others to draw from, but for me, you were, are, the only source I needed or wanted.  
I hope you will forgive me too. I haven't had a very happy life. But I would do it all again if it meant I could be with you.. You made up for all the bad things, a thousand times over. Being loved by you has been my greatest joy, and my greatest treasure.

I love you, always,  
Alistair

Kai couldn't stop the sob that came up from her throat. “You sodding bastard!” His voice didn't make a comment in her ear, probably sensing now was not a good time. She just cried into the handkerchief that Wynne had given her. She felt Wynne’s hand stroking her head. Leli had come and hugged her from behind and Zev just put a hand on her knee gently rubbing with his thumb. They just sat like that for a moment, letting her cry. Then one of Anora's guards had poked his head in from the doorway leading to the Lansmeet hall. “I am sorry to interrupt but the coronation is about to begin. If you could all take your places.” He nodded in particular to Kai. “Especially you my lady, the people are very anxious to see you.” And then he closed the door again.

“Kai, we need to talk about something else when the ceremony is over. I have something important to tell you dear. “ Wynne had helped her dry her eyes and wiped her face with the other handkerchief.

“Is it bad, or about Alistair? Because if it is, I think I have reached my quota for today.” Kai tried to joke.

“No, it isn't bad, though it does have to do with Alistair in a way.” But we can talk about it when we are done with this whole coronation business. It is too important, and you will have questions. We need more time then we have now.” Wynn simply brushed a cool hand over her forehead.

“Ok, after this farce is over then.” Kai smiled at her. “I love you Wynne, thanks.”

“I love you too child.” Wynne smiled back at her. “And maybe you want to wear that?” She looked pointedly at the amulet in Kai's palm.

Zev lifted it gently out of her hand and clasped it around her neck. The metal felt almost icy on her hot skin.

Kai lifted it and brushed it with her lips. “Let's go watch a viper get crowned.”


	12. Fire Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anora is being coronated and Kai isn't just upset, she's hot under the collar about it. Literally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BioWare owns all but my character's and her dog's names. : )
> 
> Oh and a bit of a cliffhanger, hope you don't mind. : ) But it is just a cliffhanger there will be more , this isn't the end, I promise so stay tuned!
> 
> Again, thanks for all of your support. And reviews. And again mea culpa on the mistake of having this story labeled complete when it wasn't. Please tell me what you think! : )

Kai walked into the Landsmeet hall, a huge room with a vaulted ceiling and balconies running along either side. The steps on one end led to a dais with the throne on it. The Revered Mother was standing to one side of the dais waiting to give her blessing to Anora. All the nobility were lined up along the sides in the balconies and under them.

Kai went to join the rest of her friends and Fergus standing on the right of the hall facing the throne. Her group was at the front of all the other nobles, just like at Alistair's funeral. Circles, circles, circles, Kai thought. She smiled as she was greeted by Teagan and Eamon as she walked past them to put herself closer to the aisle. Oghren clapped her on the back, nearly toppling her again, and grinned like a maniac. Sten and Shale both just nodded. Leli put herself next to Sten, and Wynne stood next to her. Zev who had been her shadow lately followed her to the aisle and stood slightly behind her and Fergus. Argus pressed close to her thigh.

Maker, it was hot in here. Kai could feel rivulets of sweat running down her back under her armor and the scratch seems to be burning and throbbing now with sweat and her body heat. She could feel the ends of her hair near her neck getting damp. She wished for a cool breeze or a bucket of water to dunk her head. Then the large double doors in the back of them opened and the orchestra started up an regal sounding, strong, warrior like tune as Anora strode in walking down the aisle followed by her soldiers. Kai watched as the pretty little viper walked down it as if she owned the place. Which, Kai had to admit to herself, Anora officially did after this little ceremony.

Kai felt like her heart had started thrumming in her chest and it went with the headache that had developed in the back of her head. Andraste's holy knickers was it just getting hotter in here! It must be all the bodies pressed so close in an enclosed space. It had been hot in the field at the cremation but they had been in the open air. That had to be it, right? Either that or she was coming down with something. Kai had to ignore the urge to fan herself with her hands.

She watched Anora's beautifully clad back as she strode up to the top step of the dais and knelt before the Revered Mother. Kai felt her heart fluttering in her chest like a butterfly, and the Revered Mother's voice just became a buzz, like a wasp was in the room. Kai suppressed the urge to laugh, what was next, her feet would hop like a rabbit? She thought she might have a whole damn garden before she was done. My her thoughts were turning queerly today.

Kai's fingers itched and began rubbing the hilts of her daggers. Alistair should be up there, not that little viper. Her own head kept screaming it over and over again, not her, HIM! “Are you all right little sister?” She turned to see Fergus looking at her with concern.

“Fine, brother dear, just not used to so many warm bodies in an enclosed space.” Kai smiled. But Fergus didn't look convinced. Kai wasn't convinced herself. She could feel sweat beading up on her cheeks. She wanted to chalk it up to a similar emotional distress like at the funeral, but it wasn't the same. She felt like flames were crawling under her skin. And the headache was just a sickening hum in the back of her head. She looked again towards the dais fingering her daggers again, thinking how easy it would be to use them on Anora.

“My dear Warden, let me save you from yourself. When playing with vipers it is best to be subtle.” Zev's voice purred behind her as she found his quick hands had taken her daggers from her. “I think the Revered Mother is about done and I will just hold these for you until you get back. No?” Zev's voice was smooth but she could see the hidden concern in his pale eyes.

“I will be fine Zev. And thanks.” She reached out and touched him on the arm, he felt cool and she almost wanted to cuddle up to him just to get relief. She noticed he looked at her hand like it was a branding his skin. But instead of pulling away, he simply grasped her wrist with the fingers of his other hand and they felt cool as she felt her pulse fluttering under his fingertips.

“Kai-” But whatever else Zev meant to say got interrupted by Anora announcing her name and beckoning her to come forward as the 'Hero of Ferelden.' Kai felt the headache humming getting worse, spreading from the back of her skull and up the top going now towards her forehead. The clapping and cheering of the crowds weren't helping. The flames under her skin were burning hotter than ever and she felt her cheeks were pink, like she was blushing. The scratch was burning like it had acid in it and she wanted nothing more than to peel off her armor and gouge it out with her fingernails until she hit the bones of her ribs underneath.

She made herself face Anora and took great pleasure in watching the woman's eyes narrow with hatred when she saw the armor Kai had on. Kai only smiled and watched as Anora's lips moved but it was so hard to hear what she was saying. Something about Kai being a hero and giving her a boon. Kai almost laughed in her face. She was sure Anora wouldn't have given her the boon except it would look bad for her not to do so. She managed to keep control of herself even though the heat was getting unbearable and the room seemed to be moving back and forth like it had turned into some giant child's swing.

Kai heard her own voice from far away telling Anora she wanted a memorial to all the Gray Wardens made, so that Ferelden would never again forget why they were necessary. She watched Anora's eyes narrow again but her voice was honey sweet in reply, even suggesting that they get scholars to study the darkspawn. Kai watched Anora's mouth, the only thing Kai could seem to focus on at the moment, as Anora told her that the people Ferelden were anxious to see their hero and she should tell the guards when she was ready to go outside and greet them. Then Anora giggled and told her not to keep them waiting. Kai imagined what it would look like if she stuck her daggers in Anora's chest and watched the blood fountain out of her mouth. That would stop the giggling really quickly.

Something was definitely not right, she must be sick. Maybe too much time in the cold rain? That didn't make people sick, she berated herself. Whatever this was, she was glad Zev had taken her daggers from her.

Kai realized that Anora was done talking as everyone was cheering at her in the room. Kai managed to get herself down the stairs from the dais without falling, and congratulated herself on a job well done. How would anyone believe that she was the 'Hero of Ferelden' if she showed the grace of a drunken cow? Kai wanted to giggle again. She kept hearing a voice way in the back of her head almost crying her name, she thought it was Alistair's voice, but she couldn't be sure. It was so hard to hear it over the loud hum of the headache which now seemed to envelop her whole head. Even her teeth hurt. What was wrong with her? If she was sick she figured she better go greet the Fereldan people and then put herself in bed. So she made herself keep walking down the aisle past everyone to the big double doors.

The guard was speaking to her, she saw his lips moving, but it was so hard to hear him, his voice kept fading in and out. Ah, he wanted to know if she was ready. Kai hope she kept her voice normal when she told him she was. He didn't seem to think anything was amiss. The guard opened the doors and she walked out to the stone balcony overlooking the courtyard of the palace. It was thronging with people. Kai wanted to laugh hysterically when she thought they looked like packed and salted fish in a barrel sent from Gwaren.

Instead she found herself waving and the crowd just cheered. Kai thought out here the heat might abate, being outside in fresh air. But the fire under her skin seemed to be getting even hotter if that was possible. She felt like she was burning from the inside out, and the damn sun was so bright it hurt her eyes. Kai put a hand over her forehead to block it out.

She figured she better say something. “People of Ferelden. I stand before you,” feeling like a drunken dwarf her own mind said, “and you call me the 'Hero of Ferelden.' But I am not the true hero. That title belongs to Alistair Theirin, Maric's son. Some would call him bastard, but he was your savior. Never let the word 'bastard' be said in regards to his name ever again. He deserves the honor of being recognized as Maric's blood. The blood of Cahlenhad, the Silver Knight ran in his veins and he proved it to you all. Don't let his sacrifice go without note. His remains are at Highever, and you should all remember him on this day. Let this day, be 'Alistair's Day' for as long as Ferelden stands. Say his name now, let it fall from your lips. The true 'Hero of Ferelden,' and Maric's son, ALISTAIR!” Kai pushed her fist into the air and a roaring cheer went up from the crowd.

Pretty good for off the cuff Kai old girl she told herself guess some of Mother's training stuck after all. And that speech is really going to piss Anora off. Kai felt laughter burbling up again. She seemed to be doing a lot of that lately. She felt like the sun was burning her skin on the outside to meet the flames under her skin on the inside. She was sweating so much her hair was getting wet. But she didn't care. The crowds were shouting his name. Chanting it, as it passed along from those closest and going back like wind across a wheat field. A chant for her beloved. She heard them saying his name, but her hearing seemed to be like waves lapping a shore? She could hear them chanting 'Alistair, Alistair, ' but it it would recede and become in loud again.

Kai took her hand down from her forehead as she was having trouble keeping her balance that way. The sensation the world had turned into a giant swing returned again. No not a swing, like the word was an ocean tide and it kept coming in and going out again. Interesting, she thought, until she started to pitch forward. She felt hands grab her armor from behind that kept her from breaking her teeth, her nose and cracking her skull on the stone balcony floor. She supposed she should be grateful, but her head hurt even more if that was possible. She thought she heard the crowd gasp in alarm, but she really couldn't be sure.

She saw Zev's worried face above her own, felt his cool fingers brushing her sweaty hair from her face. He seemed to be checking her eyes, what was that all about? She wanted to make a joke that he was the savior of damsels pitching face forward today, but she couldn't get the words out. Zev was breaking open a little vial and forcing some kind of bitter thick liquid into her mouth.

She thought that Wynne was there, and maybe the others too? But she couldn't really move her head or her eyes, that hurt too much. She wanted to close them against her the bright sun and sleep, but Zev would slap her cheeks and call her name. He was also unbuckling her armor with fevered fingers. She wanted to make a joke about him taking advantage of her in public, but it was too much effort, and her tongue felt thick and useless.

She could feel the armor breastplate lifted off of her and leaving her in the cotton shirt underneath. She wanted to thank him, that felt much better, but before she could even try he was practically ripping up the shirt to look at, and touch with his cool fingers, the scratch along her ribs. “What in the Maker is wrong with her?” She heard Fergus's anguished voice as the tide of the world came back in again. But she didn't hear the response before it went back out.

She felt cool hands and magic snaking along her skin particularly around her abdomen. Ah, Wynne, I am so glad I got your forgiveness. Kai smiled to herself. She really didn't see what the fuss was about. When the world came back into focus she heard Wynne say something about needing to protect them both? Both of whom she wondered. But the sounds went out on the tide again.

Funny, whatever Zev had put into her mouth seemed to be cool and soothing. It had tasted awful, but the flames under her skin seemed to be abating a little at least around her face. And the ache in her head was better. She still hurt a lot, but she didn't feel like it was building up like it had been.

She had been looking at the sky, so blue with clouds and the occasional bird flying across her field of vision. But a sparkling light had suddenly appeared. And she kept hearing waves lapping and the light turned into a lot of little sparkles of light, like sunshine on water. Like the light hitting the surface of the lake outside Highever where her family would sometimes go for picnics and swim in the Summer. And Kai felt herself falling into to that water, and it was so refreshing and cool, she just let herself fall right into it.


	13. Tripping the Fade Fantastic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, what would you do if you were in the Fade with those you loved and lost, but were begged to go back and continue saving the world and the others you loved who were fighting the good fight? This question is probably going to be spread across multiple chapters, just something to ponder.
> 
> Also, there is a little sex scene in here, which I hope I did tastefully but still kept it sexy. I mean if you hadn't been with the one you love going on almost a month now, wouldn't you jump them? That and the cussing is the reason I rated this as T.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns all but what I made up :)
> 
> I hope you enjoy this next chapter. And thank you so much for your reviews, messages, and encouragement! This story is compelling me to write it, but your support makes it even more a joy. Blessings.

Kai came up from under the cool water of the small lake outside of Highever as she had a thousand times before. She laid on her back floating in the cool dark water watching the clouds scuttle across the sky. Had she been dreaming? She must have. What a horrible and beautifully realistic dream too. Ah, but today was a day for relaxing and taking in the fresh air. She could smell water, and grass, and the wildflowers growing on the bank.

Today must be 'Cousland Camaraderie Day' as her family had labeled it. A day her family always took once a month where no servants waited on them or disturbed them. A day off for the servants as well as the family. They didn't attend to castle business, or politics, unless it was an emergency. They just spent it with each other. Her favorite day of any month, even more than her birthday.

Kai flipped over and began to tread water looking at the shore. There was Highever, the stone walls shining light gray in the sun. What a beautiful sight. And someone was waving to her to come ashore, her father probably. Ah, lunch must be ready. Kai started to cut through the water with graceful strokes. She loved skimming through the water and took a moment to delight in the sensation. Her father often joked that she was part Selkie.

She got to shore and saw a cotton towel and her clothes. She dried off as best she could and slipped on her tunic, pants, and boots. Kai knew where they would be, in the garden next to the orchard where they kept the bees. Her family would be there with a table laden with food, and blankets to lay in the grass on while Father and Mother, she and Fergus, and Oriana and Oren, would take turns reading aloud from a new book Father had gotten for their library. Or from an old favorite they all loved hearing again and again.

Kai headed towards her favorite spot in Highever winding her way through the orchard of apple trees. Their blooms were falling like snow when the breezes caught the blossoms. She took a deep breath. It was so-perfect. She wanted to laugh and dance. She felt so free, so happy.

She saw the walls of the garden and the sturdy wooden gate set in it. She traced her fingers on the familiar words carved into the wood whose varnish had darkened to a deep honey brown with age:

“cha d'dhuin doras nach d'fhosgail” - no door ever closed but another opened

And without having to open the door and swing it, she knew the other side had three words carved in it on the garden side:

“gaol, gra, gaire” - live, love, laugh

Maker it felt good to be really home, that dream had seemed so real. That horrible dream. A dream where she let her parents die, she drank the tainted blood of monsters, let people down, killed other sometimes innocent people. A dream where she had the fate of Ferelden hanging on her decisions.

And those monsters, horrible creatures. Kai shuddered. And she had had to chose between bad decisions or worse ones. Sometimes a decision between a lot of people getting hurt and only some. Kai didn't think she would ever complain to her parents about making decisions on the running of Highever ever again. Somehow running a castle was easy in comparison.

She had to admit some of the dream was not so bad. She had met and befriended interesting people whom she had loved and they loved her. She had been in love and loved by someone, Alistair. The name seemed to whisper among the blossoms falling. But then it was as if a cloud had come over the sun. Then she had watched him die. Okay, everything that seemed good in that dream had been tainted like that blood she drank. Best to leave that dream far behind.

Today was family day. Love and laughter and living, as the door said. She smiled. Kai grabbed the heavy wrought iron handle of the door to the garden and stepped through and turned to close it behind her. “I'm here, I hope you didn't let Fergus start without me or he will eat up all the blackberries before I get any!” She turned from closing the door to find him standing there. The bloke from her dreams, he was just grinning at her.

Not a dream, real. All of it. This must be the Fade. Kai felt herself striding forward as the Kai she was just a moment ago, and the Kai that was made in the heat of battle collided. She walked at a fast pace, closing the distance between her and Alistair. And when she was close enough, her fist shot out and landed squarely on his jaw. Part of Kai's mind registered that she must have caught him by surprise. Alistair was a shield warrior, it took a lot to knock him down. “Hee-yyy! That hurts even in the Fade you know.” He rubbed his jaw where her fist had landed. Kai could only stare at him.

She could feel her face getting hot with fury. “You sodding, Thunder humping-” Kai was so mad she was at a loss for words. “NUG HUMPER!” She screamed it at him. “How dare you! Just, how dare you?” Kai paced back and forth in front of him, balling and un-balling her fists. “If you weren't already dead I would kill you myself!”

It was then that she heard other voices. “Mum, what is a nug humper?” Oren's sweet voice piped up.

“Ask your Auntie later dear.” Came her sister-in-law, Oriana's, tart but amused reply. “I will let her explain that one.”

“Brother you really know how to pick the feisty ones don't you? Of course I knew how beautiful and strong she is when I met her at the garden in Denerim. You really are lucky.” A voice Kai just registered as Cailan's came off to her right.

“Indeed, you can see why I wanted to recruit her. Though I don't recall her language skills being so- diverse at the time” Duncan's deep , beloved, and amused,voice came from her left.

It was her father's voice that made her anger drain out. “There's my fierce girl.”

“Fierce girl indeed, I am proud to say she takes after her mother, except for the appalling language. Wherever did she learn it?” Eleanor Cousland's voice filled with laughter, came from behind her next to her father's voice. “I dare say I would have done the same thing to you though, Bryce. Honestly, men can be just like small boys. You don't just, surprise a girl like that.”

Kai whirled around to see her parents standing there looking at her with smiling faces and their love for her glowing from their eyes. “Hello Pup.” Her father smiled at her and opened his arms to her. She had never seen such a beautiful sight. Her heart constricted and she just threw herself at them. She found herself babbling saying their names over and over again, them how much she had missed them, and loved them. Tears ran down her cheeks. She motioned Oriana & Oren over and they all just hugged each other.

And then Oren broke in wanting more of the attention that was being given to his 'Auntie' for himself. Kai just scooped him up and kissed him until he started to protest and then she hung him upside down and tickled him until he giggled with delight and turned red in the face. “No, Auntie, stop, stop-” He protested though he was obviously laughing and wanting more.

“What was that, I don't think I can hear you, someone is laughing too loud.” Kai told him as she held his legs with one hand and tickled him with the other. He squirmed and shrieked in her arms.

Kai had missed them so much. She realized she had been so busy saving Ferelden, that she not only didn't have the time to mourn them. But she also never had the time to miss them properly. Even Oriana's 'proper- behavior- as -done- by- Antivan -women' comments were something she had missed.

Kai realized that their family reunion was being watched with polite interest by the others in the garden. Kai put Oren down and turned to Duncan and Cailan. What did you say to the young king you were supposed to save and didn't?

She bowed her head flushing. “Your majesty, I am so sorry.” But Cailan merely tilted her chin to look at him. “First, I am not a king here.” He merely held up a hand to stop her protest. “Second, it wasn't your fault. You take too much on yourself dear lady. I am just sorry I was not able to fulfill my promise to you.” Cailan brushed her knuckles with his lips.

She felt tears welling up and then she turned to Duncan. She gave Duncan the same treatment she had her Father. She just sort of launched herself at him. This man she had only gotten to know for the briefest of moments. The man, on whose face, she had seen such incredible sadness as they left her parents behind to die. A great man, who had believed in her, trusted her to do right by the Gray Wardens, and Ferelden. A man who had stepped in for her Father, however briefly. This man who she felt as though she had failed. The man whose face a demon in the dream side of the Fade had taken, and she had had to kill . She found herself sobbing into his shirt front. Duncan hugged her tight. “There, there child, all is well. All is well.” He just kept repeating that until the tears had finally stopped. Maker she was tired of crying. She was doing more crying now, than she had in her entire childhood, and in the space of a few months to boot. She kissed Duncan on the cheek and smiled when he looked bashful.

Then she turned back to him. She watched Alistair's eyes get wide, and he threw up his hands and started to back away. But he found himself getting closer to the garden wall with nowhere to go. Just where Kai wanted him. Silly man, he should employ better tactics than that against the enemy. Her mind gave a little giggle at his expression of wariness. He looked like she was some wolf about to bite him. Oh, she would bite him, and nibble, and lick....

Kai jumped him, literally, wrapped her legs around his waist as she smothered his mouth with hers. She nipped his bottom lip and smoothed it away with her tongue. She remembered well the taste of him, the scent of him. It just entwined itself in her until she felt they were on person and the whole world didn't exist anymore. She felt his surprise and wariness quickly overcome as he responded by nibbling her top lip and running his tongue just inside her mouth only to take it away daring her to follow. Maker how she had missed this

It was Oren's childish voice that brought her back to the fact that they had an audience. “Mommy, why did Auntie hit him and then climb him like a tree?”

Kai realized that she had indeed, climbed up him. Her legs wrapped around him, and her hands pushing the back of his head crushing his lips on hers. Alistair had one hand fisted in her hair and the other on her, um, hindquarters. His big hands with its long fingers doing enticing things along her inner thigh. She felt herself blushing but she was not about to let go. From the look on Alistair's face he felt the same way.

Orianas's voice came as if from far away. “I think it is time we went inside Oren. Your Auntie and Alistair have a lot of, um catching up to do.” And Kai heard, rather than saw, them leave the garden. Duncan and Cailan both chuckled as they walked the way Oriana and Oren had gone.

She heard her father's voice merely say, “I really like your young man Pup.”

Then she heard her mother's voice, “reminds me of us Bryce.” and her soft laugh as her parents left them alone in the garden.

She looked at Alistair. Almost not daring to believe it was him. She remembered the last time she had looked at his beloved face, and into his honey brown eyes. The day he sacrificed himself, how he had looked at her. How his face looked, as he lay on the bier at the funeral. Her eyes began to fill. “No, my love, don't” He took his hand from her hair to thumb away the tears that had started.

“I really hate you, you know that, don't you?”

He just smiled his lopsided smile. “Understood.” And then he kissed her again. His mouth smothered hers, taking her into that wet slippery world. She felt like the top of her head had come off and was spinning around. How did the man do that with just a kiss? Granted she had only three lovers in her lifetime, but none had that affect with just a kiss.

Dizzy, she moaned and nipped and licked, and allowed herself to run her tongue in his mouth, and along his lips. She found him leaning her backwards on a bed? The garden had disappeared and they were in a bed in the middle of a clearing in a forest. She cocked an eyebrow at him. “It's the Fade, you can go anywhere, visit anyone and make your own reality. I wanted privacy, and to be outdoors like the first time when we-”

“Licked a lamppost in Winter?” Kai smiled at him “I don't remember us having a bed the night you asked to jump me.”

“ I remember my asking in a romantic manner for the pleasure of your company in your tent.”

“Oh you mean, sweating nervously and then telling me your head was going to explode every time you were around me? Yes very romantic.” Kai found herself giggling as he tickled her ribs in retaliation for her cheek.

Then he cupped her face in one of his hands and looked into her eyes before his lips were on hers again. He ran one hand along her belly leaving a trail of fire. No one had ever lit so many flamees with just their lips and hands alone as he did. He said her name as his lips were crushed on hers and then he moved them to her jaw, and down her neck. His hands skimmed the skin of her breasts, his thumbs teasing, causing intense waves of energy to pulse down her body until she was arching under him. He ran his hands along the inside of her leg his fingers leaving trails of longing.

She found her own hands running along his back feeling the muscles tensing under her her fingers when she bit his neck or licked his collarbone or the smooth muscles of his chest. Her fingers kneaded the muscles of his shoulders restlessly. He moaned when she ran a fingertip up his spine starting at his lower back and up between his shoulder blades. It was, Kai knew one of those arousing moves she had learned when they were first discovering each other. His response was to torture her by closing his mouth on one breast than the other until she thought she her system would just implode. Ah, they still knew what made the other crazy. Smiled to herself. She had been a little nervous truth be told.

She never could figure out how they got out their clothes. The steps between kissing and naked never seemed to register when they were together. She allowed herself to cry out and moan, as she hadn't been completely free to do when they were at camp. Or when sneaking stolen moments in each other's rooms at RedCliffe, or Arl Eamon's place in Denerim. At RedCliffe or Denerim it had always felt like they were two wayward teenagers who might get caught and sent to the Chantry to do penance.

She felt her system raging under his hands, her longing cutting through like a blade. Sweat had popped all over her skin and she could feel herself flushing. She wanted him to fill her up, body and soul. She had been so empty. She opened for him and then closed on him like a hot wet fist. They moved together sweetly, building on each others' pleasure.

She had always likened it to climbing a mountain that was spinning madly. Each step causing her pleasure to build until she thought her heart would simply give out, as she gasped out her last ragged breath, when she could take it no more. But her orgasm released like an arrow from a bow and sent her flying. She felt his own body shudder as her own arched under his, her body gripping his and her legs wrapped around him as if to keep him prisoner. Their hands were linked together in fists their lips together breathing each others’ breath as she cried out calling his name. His ragged breathing echoed her own as he buried his face in her hair as he collapsed on top of her.

She always felt like she had left the world when they made love. Now that she was in the Fade, she really had left the world. She let a giggle escape from her lips. “A laugh is not exactly what one wants to hear from his lover.” He unhooked his hands from hers to frame her face as he looked her in the eyes. She mirrored his move.

“It is if that lover has been made completely boneless, and made to feel as if her skin is velvet, and she has been dunked molten metal.” She looked into his eyes. “Oh how I have missed you.” He smiled and kissed the end of her nose before rolling to the side and pulling her to him. She simply placed her head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat as it slowly returned to normal.

How familiar this was, how delicious. She wanted to purr like a cat. She felt so, complete, so relaxed. She hadn't realized how tense she had been for so long. She supposed that killing had a way of making people tense. She suppressed the urge to laugh again. Her thoughts seemed ready to fly away like her body had.

Her eyes started to droop, and popped open in a flash. “Alistair.”

“Hmm?” He asked with the end of hmm going up in that way he liked to do. His hands were gently stroking her arm and her back whatever skin he could reach even though his eyes were closed. It was almost as if he was afraid she was going to disappear.

She had a brief moment of amusement since they were both in the Fade. “I kept hearing your voice in my head, was that really you?” Not that she guessed that it mattered now, but it could have been she was quietly going mad after all.

He looked sheepish and blushed. “I know I should have probably left you alone, so you could grieve and get on, but I couldn't help it. I missed you so, and you were so sad.”

She put her hands on his lips to stop his usual wont to babble. “I think hearing you saved me. At the funeral.”

“Well I tried to leave you alone that day, you seemed despondent, and I thought I might make it worse. And then I felt what you felt, and your fear, and longing and you were screaming into your own head. I was afraid you were...that you were going to lose yourself. And all that makes you, you, would be lost and I was going to be lost too. Because I wanted you to come back to me as you, not broken. I had to stop it. I couldn't take it.” He looked at her with tears in his eyes.

She could see the fear he felt for her that day. “I was afraid for me too. You saved me twice.” She leaned in and kissed him lingeringly, stroking the side of his face with her fingertips.

“I wonder if Fergus hears Oriana, I mean I never discussed it with him, or anyone else for that matter. I figured they'd think I was going mad. I did wonder if I was myself.”

“I believe I can answer that question and many more Warden.” A soft feminine voice commented.


	14. Hooded Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So what is going on, and who is our mystery figure, a creepy voyeur or something else? I hope you enjoy this next installment. Please let me know what you think.
> 
> And a little bit of a surprise for Alistair and Kai, that I would love to know if anyone reading along saw coming. I tried to hint but not to strongly. So read on to see, and hang onto your hats, it is going to be a bumpy ride. : )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BioWare owns all but my character's and her dog's names. : )
> 
> Thanks to my friends and betas, Ladyamesindy and mireliambar! I couldn't do it without you guys!
> 
> Thanks for all your support and encouragement. Your reviews, private messages, and putting me on your favorites, and author watch lists means to much. It really helps keep the muse going.
> 
> Blessings!

Kai and Alistair jumped guiltily and grasped at the, Maker blessed, covers. Kai had a moment to think how funny this moment might be with them both blushing, especially Alistair whose flush seemed to be extending all the way down to his, um toes. That is if it were not for the creepiness of having a hooded female figure standing at the foot of the bed.

The figure merely smiled as if she could read Kai's thoughts. Kai couldn't really see much of the face except the mouth as the rest was in shadow, so she had no idea if the smile was one of amusement or something else.

“You two might like to get dressed, yes? And then we can all go back to Highever. Or at least what your minds created as Highever here.” The figure turned and walked a distance away keeping her back to them.

“Friend of yours?” Kai asked Alistair, with a grin, as she put on her tunic.

“What? No!” Alistair spluttered. “Why would you think that?”

He is so cute when he gets flustered and blushes she thought to herself. “Because you have been in the Fade longer than I have?” Kai raised an eyebrow at him. “I thought maybe you picked up a girlfriend while I was stuck in the real world.” Kai laughed at him.

“Oh, you are evil, you're a bad person.” He grinned at her.

“Do you hate me?” She asked him coyly as she reached over and kissed him, running her fingers in his hair.

“Yes.” And he nibbled on her earlobe setting off a familiar aching need.

“You had better stop, I don't think our visitor is going to want to wait while we have hot animalistic sex again.”

“Oh animalistic? What did you have in mind?” He asked cheekily, but he pulled away from her, running his fingertips down the side of her face in that familiar way.

“Shall we go now?” The cloaked figure gestured sweeping her arm, but their seemed to be amusement suggested in the woman's body language.

Kai grinned at Alistair and shrugged.

Kai and Alistair followed the figured across the forest glade which shimmered and became the great hall at Highever before they hit the tree line.

Apparently everyone but Oren was sitting and waiting for their arrival. This conversation was for adults only it appeared.

They had one other new visitor, whom Kai did not recognize at first. It took a moment. He looked so familiar, like Alistair and Cailan. Another brother?

And then it hit her, King Maric. She had seen him when she was a little girl, briefly at a tourney held at Highever in his honor. And again when she was ten at the palace in Denerim for the landsmeet. The man sitting here, was the man who had sat her on his knee and told her stories and fed her cheese. The man who’d had daggers made for her and trained her to use them. That man who’d had a lingering sadness around his eyes and the weight of the world on his shoulders. This man looked free of those things, and thus younger because of it.

She found herself going to him and was about to kneel but her put a hand under her elbow and stopped her. “Please dear lady, don't do that. As Cailan said, none of us have titles here. And we are still friends, aren’t we?” He smiled a familiar lopsided smile. She realized how much Alistair looked like his father.

“I-” 

Maric put a finger on her lips and stopped her. "Please, no explanations or apologies to me, my friend. I have nothing to complain about.” He simply looked at her with the same bright blue eyes Cailan had.

Maker, they all shared so many traits she was going to giver herself mental vertigo comparing them. She gave herself a internal head slap.

Alistair walked up behind her and placed his hands around her waist. Maric smiled at them both. “You have grown into a strong, smart, beautiful woman. My son is very lucky.”

Alistair kissed the back of her head, she could feel him smiling. “Thank you your-, Maric.” She laughed self consciously.

“Well I always asked you to call me by my name.” And he smiled at her again.

The hooded figure had watched all of this quietly standing near the flames roaring in the fireplace.

The soft voice broke into the exchange. “ I believe I offered you answers Warden.” She gestured for Kai and Allistair to take a seat.

Kai sat next to Alistair, he took her hand and linked their fingers. “First of all, who in the Maker's name are you? I mean, I don't want to be rude, but you showing up, cloaked and offering answers, is really kind of creepy.” Kai just looked pointedly at the figure. And your being covered and obscured and standing in front of the fire so you are just a silhouette is not helping.”

“Not to mention maybe watching us in an intimate act of passion.” Alistair whispered out of the side of his mouth to her, causing Kai to grin at him.

Again, Kai thought she caught a smile from the hooded figure, but it was really hard to tell. “Let us just say I am a messenger for the Maker.”

“Really, does he send a 'messenger' to all newly dead people? Do I get a fruit basket, a welcome-to-being-dead gift?” Kai asked raising an eyebrow.

“I think she has been around Alistair a little too long.” Came Duncan's retort.

“Hey, I resemble that remark.” Alistair quipped. “But I certainly didn't get a visit when I showed up here. I feel insulted.”

The hooded figure sighed. “You did not get a special visit because you are indeed dead. But the Warden is not.”

Kai felt herself leaping up from the couch like she had been set on fire. “Not dead, of course I'm dead. I’m here aren't I?”

“Part of you is here in the Fade. A large part due to your connection to Alistair. But a part of you is still there in Feleden. The mage Wynne used her spirit helper, at great risk to herself, to keep you alive.” The hooded figure paced. “When the Maker makes souls, some souls get split in two. They are really one, but can inhabit two different bodies. This doesn't happen very often. But you and Alistair are two such souls. It is why you can speak to him across the veil, and he you. You are never really separated. And why you would have found each other even if your lives had been different and the Blight had not brought you together. But only a part of your soul is here. There is a small spark still keeping your corporeal form alive aided by Wynne's helper.”

The hooded figure took a pitcher and poured water into a silver bowl that had materialized in her hand. She held it out to Kai. “Take it and I will show you.”

Kai took the bowl and sat back down on the couch. The others in the room all gathered behind her. The hooded figure brushed her hands along the water and it began to sound like the tide lapping and it sparkled like sun on the surface of the lake. “That is what I saw before I ended up here.”

“Yes it was your way of passing through the veil. Look.”

Kai saw a doll, no it was herself. Lying in a bed. Zev, dear Zev, was sitting in a chair next to her along with Fergus. Zev had placed a red rose, the rose in her hands, and he stroked her her hair and kissed her forehead.

So that was why he went right after her at the funeral. He saw her put the rose on the bier and he had taken it back. She had been so distraught she hadn't even noticed it missing. She could hear Zev speaking as if from a long way off.

 

“Kai, you need to come back. It is my fault, dear friend, I should have seen the signs of poison sooner. We need you here. If you don't come back Anora wins. She watched as Zev clenched his fists and unclenched them. “I need you here, we all need you here Please come back.”

“Please little sister.” Kai watched while Fergus put his hand on her forehead. It was breaking her heart to heart the fear in their voices.

“They need you Warden, Kaidana Cousland.” The cloaked figure used her full name. “Fereleden needs you, once again or great suffering will befall it.”

“ Will befall it? You mean Anora is going to be that bad?” Alistair asked. The figure nodded the affirmative to Alistair's question. And then the whole room started talking at once.

“No.” Kai said it as a whisper.

“I don't understand.” The hooded figure effectively cut everyone off mid sentence.

“ I said no. I will not go back. I’m through. You overplayed your hand spirit. I did my duty by Ferelden. I am not going back.” Kai said each word slowly and deliberately so no meaning was lost.

“Kaidana-” The hooded figure began, but was cut off as Kai threw the bowl from her lap with such a force as she got up that it hit the wall and dented, splashing its contents over half the room.

“I said NO! I have had enough of being the Maker's puppet, his toy, his plaything. He can't even keep his other creations from the Blight without help. Well, let him find another to clean up his messes. I’m done!” Kai felt her rage, and and her fear rising up to swallow her.

How could they see her as this savior this hero? Didn't they understand?

She thought she was going to choke on it all. She found it all spilling out of her. All the failures, and everyone kept on seeing her as this strong, smart leader. They looked at her like she knew what she was doing. Maker, she had been a Gray Warden all of four days before she was running around Ferelden trying to get an army together and avoid Loghain. She was no leader, it was just a facade, couldn't they see it? Kai pleaded with them. All her decisions just meant death and destruction. How could they not see it?

Kai felt all that anger, grief,and despair that she had kept locked up behind a numb wall, finally burst. Great choking sobs had her bending over on the floor, sobbing confessing all of her failures.

Her failure to save Duncan and Cailan, because the beacon took so long to get lit. Killing men in Lothering simply because they were starving and thought the bounty on her head would put food on their table. Killing Branka, Oghren's wife so they could destroy the Anvil of the Void. She confessed them all. Alistair had been there for all of it, but they weren't, his decisions. It was her decisions that had created such death and destruction. It all rested squarely on her shoulders. The burden was hers, and hers alone.

The litany of her failures kept tumbling out of her mouth. She listed them all, not expecting any absolution or forgiveness, How could there be? And then the one that broke her. Alistair. Watching him die when she could have used magic to save him. What had her choices done but brought death and destruction? So much death caused by her or because of her. And they wanted her to go back and cause more? Kai sobbed all of this out while they all tried to comfort her. Alistair in particular tried to hold her but she was inconsolable.

And then Maric's quiet voice broke through her sobbing. “So many lives rest on all of your decisions don't they? To know that not only can just a few people die based on what you decide, but that a lot of people can and probably will?” Maric bent down and smoothed away her tears with his fingers. “To become what you hate to save what you love.”

Kai just nodded, he understood where the others didn't. Maric just smiled at her with a sad knowing smile.

“I was told by Flemeth that is what would happen to me. She was right. I think it happens to anyone who called to, who are born to, do the difficult jobs that no one else can do.” He gently picked her up off the floor. “I think, dear friend, you are one of those people.”

“I always knew why you were, and still are, such a well loved king.” Kai told him.

“Then it should not be so hard to see why you are so well loved yourself, dear lady. No one is asking you to be perfect except you. And believe me, that is not possible. I tried and it made me miserable and I failed spectacularly at it.” Kai could see where Alistair got his humor from. “ I would rather have someone like you who agonizes over the consequences of their decisions, rather than someone like Anora who does not, helping the country. Wouldn't you?” Maric smiled at her.

“There is something else you should know Kaidana.” The hooded spirit spoke her full name. They all looked at the hooded figure.

“Uh oh, this can't be good.” Quipped Alistair.

The spirit merely turned an amused look on Alistair and said, “The Theirin line is not dead. It lives in you Kaidana.”


	15. To Live or Not to Live, That is the Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Kai and Alistair get some unexpected news. But what will Kai's reaction be? And who is the cloaked lady who has all the answers? I hope you like reading enough to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BioWare owns all but my character's and her dog's names. : )
> 
> I hope you enjoyed my little twist, and I hope you are enjoying the story so far.  
> So nice of the spirit to drop a bombshell like that no? What mayhem will ensue? I hope you will stay with me and find out. : )  
> Thanks again for all your support. Your reviews have been wonderfully kind and your encouragement has just keeps inspiring me. Blessings! : )

"You lie spirit. Two Gray Wardens together can't have children." Kai just stared at the hooded figure, feeling as if her stomach had dropped into her feet.

"It is difficult for a Gray Warden to produce a child with someone without tainted blood, and two with tainted blood makes that even harder, tis true. But it does not mean it is impossible, Kaidana." The hooded figure smiled again in amusement. "You are living proof of that. Or at least your body is."

"Looks like you are going to be a father, brother, congratulations." Cailan clapped Alistair on the back grinning at his stunned expression.

"Another grandchild, I am so happy." Her mother's voice chimed in.

"Elle." her father's voice came out in warning using his nickname for her mother. Her father, like Fergus was always able to read her so well.

Kai felt fear crawling along her skin like baby spiders and her hands were making fists so hard the knuckles were white. She unclenched them and opened them looking at them as if they didn't belong to her. She had created bloody little semi circles from her nails biting into her skin, breaking it.

Another bar in the cage. She felt the walls closing in on her, she needed to get out and think.  
Only Duncan, Maric, and Alistair had not made a comment so far. Alistair looked to be pale and in shock.

She cocked an eyebrow at them. "Well, any comments, or ideas on what I should do with my life?" They said nothing and kept their faces neutral. "Really, because I just figured that why shouldn't everyone decide but me." She looked down and found she was in her leather armor with her daggers strapped on. How appropriate, since she was basically going to war with herself. "No? Nothing, well that is interesting." She could hear how bitter she sounded. She turned back to the hooded figure. "You will have my decision, when I decide."

The figure merely bowed its head. "Don't take too long Kaidana." Kai felt her hand reflexively going to one of her daggers. She was really getting tired of hearing her full name as if the figure owned her or or like she was a naughty child.

Kai turned and strode from the hall letting her feet take her where they would. They took her to the training grounds near the armory. Hay filled dummies were scattered about the large round courtyard while targets for practicing archery lined around the edges of the walls in four quarters.

Kai began attacking one of the dummies, first with the unarmed martial arts she had been taught, as a sort of warm up. Hitting, twirling, kicking, until a nice sweat had started to bead up along her skin and she felt her muscles warmed up. Kai ran a distance from the dummy and unsheathed her daggers, took a running start and flung them as she did a forward tumble, coming back on her feet to continue her forward momentum and grab the daggers sticking out of the hapless dummy as she vaulted over it doing a somersault. Without turning around she stabbed the daggers into the dummy from behind with her back to its back into what would be its kidneys.

She continued fighting the dummy letting her mind clear as her body went through the almost reflexive movements of her rogue training. Her blades blurred faster and faster until hay started tumbling to the ground and filling the air, falling like golden colored snow. In one final spit of rage Kai spun, and the dummy's 'head' went sailing across the courtyard to tumble and roll, landing at Alistair's feet. He just picked it up and looked at her. "Who is that supposed be? Our little messenger, the ray of sunshine?" He gave her that lopsided grin. Kai found herself laughing despite her anger and her heavy breathing. How did he do that? Kai bent down placing her hands on her knees panting, letting her sweat cool on the night air.

Alistair walked up and held out his arms to her. She found herself just burying her face into his chest while he rested his chin on her on top of her hair. They just stayed like that for a while. 

"What do you think I should do?" She finally ventured to ask him.

He stepped back and tilted her chin to look at him. "I think you should do what you want to do." He smoothed back her hair from her face.

"You have a stake in this too Alistair." She looked into his face, but his expression was difficult to read for once.

"All my life people made decisions for me. No one asked what I wanted until Duncan, and then you. The only two people who ever really cared about me." He kissed her forehead, her nose, her lips. "How can I take a decision away from you?" He kissed her again tenderly. "Don't ask me to do that to you." He sighed and held her close. "Do I find being a father wonderful idea? Yes I do. Would it be even more wonderful if I could actually be there to be a father, definitely. But my wants don't come into this. Not this time."

Kai just sobbed. "I don't want to be without you again. I don't know that I can do it. A huge part of me wants to stay here, be with you, make love to you. You are my heart and soul."

"And if little miss sunshine is right, we literally are each others' heart and soul." Alistair quipped. His joke stopped her tears and again had her laughing. He tilted her chin again to look into her eyes. "You heard the mysterious, boogity boo, scarey, cloaky, spirit person. We are always together." He smiled at her and kissed her forehead.

"Alright, let's go talk to the boogity boo lady." Kai gave him a wan smile. Wrapping her arm around his waist as they made their way back to the hall. Everyone who wasn't standing stood, and those standing and pacing stopped when they came in. Kai suddenly felt like she was naked as all eyes turned towards her.

"Okay, I will go back." She heard herself say it, though she couldn't believe it. It was as if her tongue had a mind of its own. She didn't even remember having made up her mind yet. She let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. "But I have a quid pro quo. I will not be going to the Deep Roads when I get the calling. I am not going back there ever again. I have had my fill of the place. And I am not going to take the chance on being turned into a Broodmother. I will drink poison, or hang myself, or stick my head in a dwarven lava channel. Whatever it comes in handy." The hooded figure just looked at her with that amused smile on her face. That smile, along with the use of her full name, was getting annoying. "I don't give a tinker's damn what the Chantry says on taking your own life." Kai paced. "That is my deal spirit. Take to the Maker and see what he says." Kai turned and sat down before her shaking legs gave out. The rest of them just continued to stare at her with varying looks of amusement or shock.

"Actually Kaidana, there was one more offer I was going to make to you to 'sweeten' the ante in our game of Wicked Grace, but you came to your decision, no?" The spirit made a wide gesture with her hands and continued. "The offer was this, the Lady Isolde still has some of the ashes of Andraste you brought back from the temple. She is going to offer to use them to save you. When they are used, they will remove the taint from your blood. You will be able to live a long and normal life. At least normal for you." The spirit smiled again at her own joke.

"And why would the Lady Isolde offer to save me, we didn't part on the best of terms." Kai felt herself flushing and she couldn't look at Alistair. "And wouldn't the ashes work that way on any Warden? Won't that start a clamor to use them until we run out? That could set a dangerous precedent." Kai scowled. "And by the by, I really don't like you, you're toying with me. Push too far and I might change my mind." Kai crossed her arms and cocked an eyebrow at the figure before her.

The figure only laughed a light and lilting laugh. "Ah my spiritual daughter you are a stubborn soul just as He made you. We would have not have you any other way." White hands raised and lifted off the hood of the cloak to reveal honey colored hair surrounding a pair of big blue eyes, rosy lips, and creamy skin.

"The ashes will only work because I want them to work. They are the remains of my physical body." Again the woman laughed. "Allow me to introduce myself. Andraste, bride of the Maker."


	16. There and Back Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So little miss ray of sunshine, or as Alistair called her the boogity boo, cloaky , scarey spirit person has revealed herself. I know you clever readers probably figured it out so no real surprise I know. If you didn't, then maybe I am not doing so bad at the storytelling. But I enjoy pouncing things on my characters who don't know what we know, yes?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BioWare owns all but my character's and her dog's names. : )
> 
> Thank you all for the kudos and the thoughtful comments. They keep me going. You all are such a blessing.

The room just fell silent as everyone stared at Andraste, or at least the spirit calling itself Andraste, like they had at Kai just a moment before.

Kai just snorted. “Figures.” Kai tilted her head. “Again, why would Lady Isolde do this?”

“Why do you keep asking her that?” Alistair asked her.

Kai felt herself flushing. “Maybe because I slapped her when she insulted you? Twice.” Kai looked up from her lashes at Alistair not really daring to see what his expression was going to be. He could be so sensitive about these kinds of things. He always forgave and moved on. It was one of his most enduring and annoying qualities.

He just sat down next to her and took her face in his hands. “You slapped her for me?”

“Twice.” Kai looked him in the eye. “It was before the funeral.” Kai struggled not to squirm. “I told Eamon about the amulet. He kind of got upset, in a cared- for- you, not an upset- I- gave- it- to- you, sort of way. It put her knickers in a twist, and she was talking badly about you. Even after all we did for her, and I just snapped. I was under a lot of emotional distress!” Kai could hear the defensiveness in her voice.

Allistair just smiled, laughed and kissed her. “Twice. Well at least you made her cheeks match. You did right, it wasn't all on one side?”

Kai just smiled. “No I made her match.” And she sank her head onto his shoulder.

“I always did find her to be self centered and a bit stupid.” Kai heard her mother retort.

“Mamae!” Kai just laughed. “My question remains unanswered spir-, Andraste. Why would she help me?”

“Let us just say that the Lady Isolde may not be the brightest lantern in the dark.” Kai snorted back a laugh. “But, you removed the scales from her eyes so to speak. You showed her who she was and it came up wanting. She has a need to make amends. She really is a pious woman, in her way.” Andraste smiled down at Kai.

“Great, so how do we get me, back to there, myself, my body? This is so strange.” Kai grumbled. She felt so solid so real here, and the more she was here, wherever 'here' was in the Fade, the more the 'real' world felt like a dream.

“Perhaps I should speak to her as she prays then? And soon, no?” Andraste seemed to read Kai's thoughts yet again.

“Yes, because the longer I am here, the less I want to go. Let’s do this. Do I just sit here on the couch or what?” Kai found herself gripping Alistair's hand so tight her knuckles were white.

“The ashes are already being brought out. You only need to go back the way you came.” Andraste smiled at her.

“Great, I have to go for a swim again?” Kai forced herself to stand. “Then I need to go now.”

She held Alistair's hand like it was a lifeline as they walked out of Highever back to the lake. Part of her was screaming that she was insane, going back, leaving them all again. But she ignored it.

“Good bye darling, I love you so much. But do try and watch your language.” her mother jokingly nagged at her before hugging her.

“No father could be prouder. You are my fierce girl.” Her father pulled one of her braids and kissed her cheek.

“Help Fergus find love again sister dear. Life is too empty without someone. Tell him we will be waiting for him.” Oriana hugged her tight.

Cailan just brushed her knuckles with his lips. “Dear lady.”

“I knew I chose well with you, Kai. You are the best of us. And if I may, like your father I too am proud and honored to have known you dear girl.” Duncan's deep voice became slightly choked. Kai found her own eyes with unshed tears.

“I am only as good as the man who chose me.” She told him as she hugged him tightly and he hugged her back.

Maric simply held her face in his hands and kissed her forehead. “Remember, there is no 'perfect.' And that most of the time, we do what we have to, and some of the time we get to do what we want.”

He smiled at her. “ I know you will do very well. Do you know how I know that?” He asked her as he held her chin looking her in the eyes. Kai shook her head.

“Because it isn't just the quality of one's enemies that defines a person. It is also the quality of their friends. And you have many good friends. I only hope I am still counted among them, even after all this time.” He looked at her hopefully.

“Of that, ser, let there never be any doubt.” And she kissed him on the cheek and hugged him.

She turned to Alistair. Her throat constricted, and her heart hurt. She didn't have any words. She was going back into a plane of existence where she would not be able to touch him or see him trademark grin.

He smiled his lopsided smile at her and simply wrapped her in his arms and kissed her like he had on top of Fort Drakon, their souls mingling together.

It was, she, that stepped back this time. running her fingers down his face. She didn't even bother to try and stop the tears running down.

“Do not worry. While time will be normal for you, and time will seem to drag on at certain points in your life, it will not be an eternity until you get to see them again. For them, no time will really have passed. They will not have long to miss you. Only Alistair will have a sense of time for both places.” Andraste whispered in her ear as she hugged her close and released her.

“I too am proud of you my spirit daughter.” Andraste smiled with genuine affection at her.

Kai began walking backwards into the water keeping her eyes on Alistair's face, her anchor.

As the water splashed around her thighs and her waist she looked at all their beloved faces.

“Tell Oren his Auntie will be back in no time, okay?” They all nodded tears running many pairs of cheeks.  
The water got up to her chest, and her shoulders, and then her neck. Before she dunked her head under she wanted one last look, even if her heart felt like it was being squeezed by a giant hand.

And then she plunged under. The water was so dark, and it was thick, and she had a momentary sense of panic Could you die again in the Fade, and if you did where you go then? Her lungs felt like they were going to burst and then she hit the 'surface' gasping and choking on air. The leaving the Fade was not so pleasant as going to it.

Her eyes flew open to find a roomful of anxious faces all in various degrees of exhaustion, tears, or stoicism depending on who you were looking at.

"Hullo, everyone." Or at least that is what she thought she said before she found herself unceremoniously plucked from the bed and crushed in her brother’s arms.


	17. Death Didn't Depart Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, back to the real world and all it's pitfalls. Oh, and a bunch of loving friends who have nursed our beloved Kai through yet another coma. What will they have to say this time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BioWare owns all but my character's and her dog's names. : )
> 
> Thanks so much for staying with me. Your reviews have just made my telling of this story so much more enjoyable. Thank you, and please those who haven't reviewed please do. I love to know what you think.
> 
> Blessings! : )

Kai wanted to comfort her brother; she made a vain attempt to pat him on the back, but her skin felt like the thinnest of silks and if it tore, her spirit would just go back to the Fade. And she was not about to try and come back a second time. Fergus leaned her gently back, still grasping her by the arms and holding her upright so he could look at her.

"Okay, new rule everyone." Her voice sounded like a whisper, she cleared her throat. "No more letting the Warden go into a coma. No going unconsciousness unless it's sleep related. M'k? Everyone got that?" She smiled at them

"Hah, you stop by for a short visit, and I am a bad influence," Alistair's beloved voice sounded in her ear. Relief washed over her. Fergus looked furious, and she thought he was about to shake her, but he simply laid her back on the pillows Zev had been piling behind her so she could sit up. Fergus had tears in his eyes and looked caught between fury and relief.

"Hmm, your joke seems to have gone over as well as mine used to." Used to, you mean usually, right? "Hey-y." She did a mental smile.

Then it struck her, Wynne. "Is Wynne all right?" She tried to raise herself up but was gently pushed back onto the pillows by Zev. Not that it took much. He could have used his pinky to get the job done.

"My dear Gray Warden, Wynne is fine." She went to get more broth, as it seems that is what you like to eat, since you seem to keep going into comas." Zev smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"I do wish it would cease this obsessive need to be unconscious for days as I am always the one who gets put on guard duty," Shale growled from her corner. "One would think that it would understand I spent quite enough time standing in one place to last even a golem's lifetime. One would also think it is part pigeon the way it likes to toy with me."

"Sorry Shale, I will try to do better, really," Kai mumbled, her face flushing.

"Huh!" Shale growled.

"Kadan" was all that Sten had to say, which was almost worse than having Shale rant at her, as his tone implied anger tinged concern. And fear? Fear for her? Oh, my.

Leliana just wiped her very swollen and red eyes with what looked like a very wet handkerchief and came over and planted a kiss on her forehead. "Oh, I am so happy, I am going to tell Wynne!" And she left the room almost skipping.

Argus jumped up on the other side of the bed and barked at her before lying down and shoving his nose under her hand. She obliged by rubbing his head. "So, how long this time?" Kai asked.  
"Almost two weeks this time, little sister." Fergus looked down at the covers, trying to get control of himself. Kai reached out and grabbed his hand. She just squeezed it while he sobbed and choked out her name.

"You could slap me if you want." She jiggled his hand.

Fergus wiped his eyes and obliged her with a little choked laugh. "I wish I could, but Wynne would have my head on a pike, sister dear." Fergus leaned down and kissed her hand and put his other hand over hers.

The door suddenly swung open as if a great wind had blown through, and Wynn practically ran through the opening and right to her bedside. Kai just stared at her. "Feeling your oats Wynne?" Kai's laugh was cut off when Wynne scooped her up and hugged her so tightly she couldn't breathe. When Wynne finally released her, she stepped back and put a hand on Fergus's shoulder. Fergus hadn't let go of her hand through that entire exchange, and he continued to stroke it as if she might disappear. Apparently, she had been giving people that impression lately.

Kai felt guilty for all the fuss she seemed to be causing them all. "I am so sorry, everyone, really." Kai felt tears forming in her eyes, and she chose to focus on hers and Fergus's linked hands.

Zev just brushed her hair back from her forehead. "My dear Warden, it was not entirely your fault. You were poisoned after all."

"Hey, where is my food?" she joked at Wynne, giving her a pointed look and a sly smile.

"Watch it, young lady, or I will turn you into a frog," Wynn retorted back. But, she was smiling with her eyes bright. "Leli is bringing it. When she told me you were finally awake, I handed her the tray and sent her back to the kitchen to get bread to go with the broth. We get to start all over again with you, young lady. It seems you like keeping us on our toes."

Kai realized that they were missing a dwarf. "Hey, where's Oghren?"

"Ah, the dwarf has been drunk ever since you took ill,” Sten explained. “I shall go and fetch him. Though whether or not he is sober enough to understand when I tell him you are awake remains to be seen, Kadan." Sten simply touched her face and turned to leave, almost running into Leliana with the tray causing Leli to giggle and Sten to growl. Touching her face was the equivalent of Wynne’s tight, rib cracking hug. Wow, I really must have frightened them very badly. It was hard to feel any concern for that in the Fade. Now, she felt terribly guilty.  
Leliana set the tray down on Kai's lap and put a napkin across her chest. "Do you think you have enough energy to eat on your own?"

"I think I can manage, thanks," she smiled at the pretty bard. "I am so sorry to have made you worry, Leli." Leliana only smiled at her and made shushing motions with her hands.

"I think the rest of you should all go get some sleep, and Shale can stretch her legs." I will stay with her since I was next on the “Kai rotation.” Wynne looked at Leli and patted the bard's cheek.  
"Okay, but wake me if she needs anything, promise?" Leliana kissed Kai's forehead again and turned and left.

"I am glad it is awake." Shale touched the bed and smiled – well, it was as close as her stone features would allow – and walked out, her steps shaking the floor.

"I am not going, I can't. I just need to stay." Fergus just continued to hold her hand in both of his.

Wynne shrugged at him. "You and Zev are exhausted, but you have to make up your own minds." Wynne's look encompassed both of the men still sitting in the room with the look of a mother facing two stubborn children.

She sighed and brought over another chair. Kai noticed that there seemed to be quite a large grouping of chairs. "Sorry, Argus old boy, I need this hand." She patted him once before picking up the horn spoon next to the bowl. Argus gave a soft woof of approval before laying his head back down on the bed. This is familiar, Kai thought as she soaked bread and spooned up broth. But she got full faster than before and set the spoon down next to the bowl. "Maybe I can eat more later?" Kai looked at Wynne, who took the tray and removed the napkin, setting them both on a table in the corner. "Where are we? This isn't the castle at Denerim." Kai took a good look around the room, it wasn't at Highever either.

"Ban Teagan's home, for now," Zev said."Though that might have to change so Anora doesn't find out the truth."

"So Anora doesn't find out what, Zev?" Kai asked him.

"That you are alive."


	18. Murder Plots & Drunken Dwarves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai get's filled in on what happened and how she wound up in Rainesfere. Oghren pays his respects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BioWare owns all but my character's and her dog's names. : )
> 
> Thank you all for your feedback! It really means a lot to me. Blessings!

"Perhaps we should go back to when you remember, before you decided on another feat of daring-do by sleeping for days. And then we can go from there, no?" Zev offered.

"Yes, that would probably be a very good idea," Kai smiled at him. "The last thing I remember is giving a speech and then almost pitching face forward. Oh, and you were trying to get me naked and take advantage of me in public." Kai grinned. Zev didn't smile in return, but instead gripped her arms with both of his hands, squeezing gently. Oh boy, it must have looked really bad from their point of view. Kai flushed again with guilt.

They took turns telling her what happened. When she had touched Zev, he had suspected poison was at work, but Kai had been called forward to Anora's side. It was then he had left the hall to go to their quarters. Fergus, who also had suspected something, followed Zev.

"I suspected that a poison called 'The Burning Heart' had been used. It is a thick concoction and takes time to move into and through the blood. Anora wanted that particular poison because it can cause violent behavior in its victims. She probably hoped you would do something to disgrace yourself, thus ruining your reputation or giving her reason to have her guards kill you outright, or both. Such events would have been bonuses to Anora." Zev's voice got raspy and he looked away from her.

"He climbed the ivy on the castle wall like a monkey; it was amazing," Fergus broke in, grinning at the elf, giving Zev time to collect himself.

"Amazing he didn't break his neck," Wynne retorted.

"My dear Wynne, I was a Crow; we are the best," Zev smiled at her. "I was going after my antidotes," Zev explained. "From the heat of your hand and your behavior, I didn't think we had much time," Zev's voice caught, and he cleared it.

"'The Burning Heart?'" Kai snorted. "More like the burning everything. I thought I was on fire on the inside." Kai's free hand flew to her still flat belly. "Maker, Wynne?"

Wynne only looked at her in surprise. "The babe is fine, the poison did not reach it, and I used...."

"Your spirit helper? Oh Wynne, you need to be careful." Kai felt fear for her friend.

"I need to be careful? Young lady, I am not the one who got poisoned." Wynne's face started to crumple, but she breathed deeply and set it to neutral again. "I did not know you knew. That was what I wanted to discuss with you after the coronation."

"I learned of it in the...the Fade. Let’s just say a little birdie told me," Kai looked down.

"A creepy little birdie," came Alistair's retort, which cause her lips to quirk slightly.

She hoped they wouldn't ask questions about her knowledge. Not yet, she wasn't ready. Perhaps sensing this, they let the statement go unremarked. "How did you know, Wynne? I didn't have a clue myself. Since the Joining as a Warden and since I tend to be athletic..."

"And far too thin, especially recently," broke in Wynne with a mother's reproachful tone of voice.

"My cycles have not exactly been regular," Kai finished. "So, how did you know?"

"After Fort Drakon, when you were, unconscious...." Kai reached out as a huge wave of guilt swamped her. "No, child, don't be sorry. I forgave you already, remember?" Wynne smiled at her and gave her hand a tug before releasing it. "I was going to heal you. But, I didn't have a lot of mana left, and I was re-charging and using potions. I needed help. Anora offered the help of the mage assigned to the castle; Mordyth, I think his name was. He was doing a magical diagnostic of sorts so that we could tell how far your injuries went. He is the one who discovered it. The pregnancy was in such an early stage you wouldn't have had any signs. We only caught it because we were performing a detailed inspection. He must have told Anora."

"Well, that explains her cryptic remark at the funeral then." Kai patted Argus absently. "So, what happened after you climbed the castle. You must have retrieved the antidote, I remember you making me drink something. It tasted awful, but it helped."

Zev told how he had tossed down the bag containing the antidotes to Fergus so he could climb down quickly. How they had both raced back to the hall to find that she had gone out to the balcony. How they had all opened the doors to find her about to fall face forward. It had been Zev's quick hands that had saved her yet again from breaking her nose. How Zev had poured his antidote down her throat praying that they were in time. 

"But you were dying, and we could tell it. Your cheeks were so red, and then they were pale as snow and your breathing got shallow, and you wouldn't respond when we called to you," Fergus's voice broke, and he started sobbing in earnest as he bent his face over their linked hands, his tears wetting them.

Kai just stroked his head with her free hand as tears slid down her own cheeks. "Oh Fergus, I am so sorry..."

"It is that bitch who should be sorry!" Wynne's voice burst out.

"Wynne!" Kai gasped, never having heard Wynne use any exclamation stronger than “horse feathers.” She couldn't help it, she burst out laughing, which caused both Fergus and Zevran to join in. It was a tension reliever sorely needed.

Wynne continued nonplussed, "I was trying to use healing magic, but I could feel you, your soul, slipping away into the Fade. So my spirit helper latched on before you slipped through entirely." Wynne just patted Fergus on the back. "But you still looked like death."

Well, that confirmed what Andraste had said. "Gee, thanks a lot," Kai grinned. "I take it that is how you passed me off to Anora as dead, though?"

"That, and I tracked down our little assassin." Zev's face had gone very hard and very cold. "It seems Anora was not willing to pay for the best. She was not a Crow, for which we should be grateful. But I do have a contract signed by Anora and a letter with instructions for your demise. Anora wanted it to be as painful as possible, as well as making you sully your reputation in public, if she could get it. The assassin confessed all to me and gave me the evidence."

Kai looked at him; his face was unreadable. It was his assassin's face. He knew she did not approve of torture, though Zev had other pleasant, though no less deadly means of getting information. Don't ask, don't tell, Kai figured. Zev wasn't about to be penitent about whatever happened, since he no doubt felt it was justified. Maric was right, she had very loving and loyal friends. How did she get so lucky?

"I gave her the same poison she gave you. Then, I hid the body and came up with a plan." Zev reached up and stroked her cheek briefly.

"When we carried you back through the hall, you looked dead. We did not realize that taking you through the hall past witnesses would be an advantage at the time. We were just trying to get you to your room," Fergus broke in. "But when Zev came back after tracking that killer down, it worked with his plan perfectly."

"We used the dead assassin as a substitute for you," Wynne put in.

"You used the assassin as a...a body double?" Kai felt her eyebrows shooting up her forehead. "And that worked?"

"We cut her hair. Luckily, it was almost same color as yours. We dressed her in your clothes and laid her in your bed.Then, we smuggled you out of the castle," Zevran went on. "Apparently, Anora is a little squeamish about seeing the results of her handiwork. She looked at the body briefly from the bedroom door when we spread news of your demise. Anora had a chamberlain confirm the body on the bed indeed had no pulse."

"Then, she made a big show of announcing your 'death' to the people of Ferelden with tears falling down her cheeks and vowed to find and bring to justice the person or persons responsible. Little viper," Fergus put in.

The door to the bedroom suddenly blew back on its hinges a second time, startling them all. Oghren strode in, actually “staggered” would be more appropriate. He smelled as if he had fallen into a barrel of beer. He just walked up to the side of the bed and put his face in Kai's, looking into her eyes as if to make sure that she was indeed awake.

"Hey, Oghren," Kai greeted him, not sure what else to say as he continued to squint at her.

"He is probably squinting, my love, because in his inebriated state, he sees six of you," Alistair's voice was tinged with amusement.

"Warden," Oghren grumbled before he swayed back and forth and passed out.


	19. The Trouble is Just Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, if you are alive and your enemy thinks you are dead, what trouble can you cause?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns all but what I made up.
> 
> Thanks to my betas, I couldn't do it without you all.
> 
> Sorry for the delay in this chapter, I had guests over the weekend so I'm playing catch up.
> 
> Thank you all for your kudos, your love and your time. i am so grateful for all of your love and support. I couldn't do it without you all either.

Fergus and Zev each grabbed one of Oghren’s arms and half carried, half drug the heavy drunken dwarf to his room, promising to make sure he would be alright. Kai still felt badly for causing them all such misery and worry. Oghren hadn't been that drunk in a long time, and it was due to her letting her guard down.

Wynne had pulled all the pillows from behind her back and gently laid her down, tucking the blankets around her and kissing her forehead. "Sleep, you will have a big day tomorrow. Teagan and Eamon will want to see you, and we will need to make plans." Argus got down off the bed to sleep by Wynne's feet.

Wynne sat down in the chair Zev had occupied and pulled out some small needles and fine yarn. As Kai felt her lids starting to droop into sleep, she realized that Wynne was knitting a little bootie while humming under her breath.

When Kai awoke the next morning, the chair that had held Wynne was empty. And when she turned over, it was to find Zev, wrapped in a blanket, asleep on top of the covers next to her. She figured that he would be shadowing her even more closely now.

His face was relaxed and as peaceful as she had ever seen it. The mask of control that he wore, even when joking and lighthearted, was gone. Kai wished that he could have that peace more often, his life had been so hard. The Crows had not beaten or tortured the little boy out of him completely. Almost as if he knew she was thinking about him, his pale eyes flew open and stared into hers. The mask was automatic and settled like a second skin. ”Good morning, Zev," she smiled at him. "I trust you, you know, you could sleep under the covers."

"My dear Gray Warden, your trust in me has always been misplaced, or have you not learned this by now?" He gave a slight smile, but she sensed he was only half joking. Kai gave him a puzzled look and reached out to tug his earlobe playfully, hoping he would explain. He simply caught her hand in his and set it down on the bed before releasing it to untangle himself from his blanket and rise.

Kai felt her cheeks flushing and found herself feeling stung and a little embarrassed. It was as if she had propositioned him and he had rejected her. He was angry with her, not that she really blamed him. The poisoning was her own stupid fault for not keeping her senses on the alert. She had let her nervousness about meeting Wynne cloud her thoughts. She hadn't been as wary as she should have been. Had she been, she might have been more suspicious of the servant’s sudden illness and her replacement. She felt herself sighing and biting her lower lip. She didn't know how she was going to make it up to all of them. She supposed one way might be to survive and not get knocked out again.

She grunted and rolled over the other way, throwing back the covers and attempting to stand. The world tilted and spun, another familiar feeling. She really needed to stop getting herself into situations where she was out of it for days or weeks.

Zev caught her and angrily gave her a little shake. "What is it you think you are doing, my dear Warden?" His tone was even and cool, as if he wanted to yell at her and was keeping control, barely. Kai felt her eyes tearing up of their own volition, and her lip wanted to tremble. What was the matter with her? She seemed to be so raw emotionally and not like herself at all.

Suddenly, she found herself crushed in his arms as he whispered her name over and over again. He leaned her away from him with another little shake and laid her back in bed, piling pillows behind her and pulling the covers over her lap. When he sat down and finally looked at her, she saw tears in the corners of his eyes. She touched his shoulder this time, and he did not push her hand away. "I am so sorry, Zev, I know it was my fault. I should have been more wary, less trusting. I knew Anora was clever, but not that sneaky. I..."

His cynical laugh interrupted her babbling. He grabbed her hand and held it under his chin for a moment. "I should be asking your forgiveness, my friend, I am the assassin, I should have been there to watch for such things.I know too well the art of death, and the people who employ it. It is I who should have seen what was happening and either stopped it or gotten the antidote more quickly." He put his head down on the bed, his forehead resting on her hand. "It is because I was not where I should have been that I almost lost my only true friend."

Well, aren't we just a pair? Both taking the weight of the world onto their shoulders, and all the guilt of their decisions, the should haves and the could haves. Kai was struck by how alike they were. She had become what she hated to save what she loved. Zev, poor Zev, hadn't even had that luxury. He had become what he hated, no matter how much he said he liked being an assassin, because he had been forced to do so. Just to survive. Neither of them had had a choice. Suddenly, part of her wanted to find and kill the person who sold him into slavery to the Crows, if they weren't dead already.

She started to ball up a fist in anger, but instead made herself place it on his head in comfort. She decided to take his usual tack, humor, "Let's face it. You just wanted to see me in my small clothes while they dressed me like a doll, and you’re sorry you missed it." And she was glad when he played along, even if it was obvious that he was still upset.

"Si, I love seeing beautiful women get dressed. It can be as enticing as watching one get undressed. They have this place in Antiva City where the women start off with tassels and..." Kai put a finger on his lips and stopped him, "You are incorrigible." He kissed her fingertip, but she could tell his heart wasn't in their usual friendly flirting. A part of her hurt for him, but she knew he would have to work through it himself.

"I am going to go get Teagan and Eamon. They wanted to speak to you when you woke up." Zev turned to go.

"You mean if the Ashes of Andraste worked?" Kai asked him.

"You know about that?" He turned to her with a surprised look on his face.

"Remind me to tell you about the Fade sometime," she smiled at him. "So, would you fetch Lady Isolde, too? I owe her my thanks." Zev just nodded and left the room.

Kai touched her flat stomach. She was still having trouble getting used to the idea of being pregnant. A mother, her. She was suddenly attacked by panic, what if she was horrible at it, what if she messed it up? She couldn't even keep herself out of trouble, how was she supposed to raise a child? Added to that, she was going to have to do it without Alistair here? Her heart wanted to claw its way out of her throat.

"Well not completely without me, love, calm down," Alistair's voice sounded in her ear.

"Wondering how you can be a mother?" Wynne's amused voice asked her. Kai jumped. She hadn't heard her come in.

"I think there has been a big mistake, Wynne, I can't do this," Kai gulped big snatches of air.

Wynne just placed the tray she had brought on Kai's lap and stroked her hair. "Ah, I'm afraid it's a little late for that. You can't send it back to the shop," Wynne laughed.

Kai found herself crying again. "What is wrong with me? Is it my coming back from the Fade? I can't seem to keep my emotions steady. I cry or get really mad or both,I thought it was grief at Alistair's death, but it isn't just that. I feel so raw; I don't feel like myself!"

Wynne only smiled and handed her a napkin to wipe her eyes and nose with. "My dear, you aren't yourself, you are going to be a mother. And I am afraid this is all part of it, the body goes through many changes, and those changes have been happening whether you were awake for them or not. You know, it isn't like the Chantry tells you." Wynne continued to smile as she poured Kai a cup of water.

"I don't just dream of my baby, and the good Fade spirits don't put it in my arms?" Kai laughed, remembering when Wynne had made Alistair blush and get flustered with that “where babies really come from” conversation.

"That is because you and Wynne are both evil people," he spoke in her ear. She could hear the smile in his voice.

She felt marginally better. Well, at least she wasn't going crazy. It didn't change how easily she felt like crying, but it was a small relief to know why. She had never had the chance to talk to her mother about pregnancy or babies. It was good she had Wynne who could tell her these things. She still did a mental squirm when she thought “pregnancy.” Okay, she really needed to stop now, or the panic would come back.

There was a knock at the door, and Wynne answered it while Kai looked at the tray. It had a thinned stew and a piece of toasted bread with cheese on it. She took her spoon and began to eat.

Teagan came in the door first and sat in the chair closest to her head, taking her hand and brushing it with his lips, "Dear lady, you frightened us." The “yet again” was implied in his tone and had Kai blushing as she set down the spoon.

Isolde followed Teagan with Eamon coming behind."Lady Isolde, I am told I owe you my gratitude and my thanks. It was your thinking of the Ashes of Andraste that saved me. I can't thank you enough." Kai felt herself blushing harder. She held out a hand to Isolde and was pleased to find that she received the woman's hand in her own.

Isolde bent down and hugged her, whispering in her ear, "I am so sorry about what I said. You were right; he was a better person than I am, and I can never make up for what I did."

"You did make up for it and more by saving me and his child, Isolde. And I will never forget that. Thank you." Kai kissed the cheek she had slapped once. My, how we travel in circles.

Eamon smiled at her and grazed her knuckles with his lips after Isolde sat down. "I am so glad to see you awake," he smiled at her. As if anticipating her next question, Eamon took some papers from the inside of his shirt and handed them to Kai. They were the letter and the contract signed by Anora arranging her death. Kai skimmed them.

"These will not be enough to get Anora off the throne, will they?" Kai sighed.

"I am afraid not, Warden. We need the 'why' she would want you dead. And we have some months to go before that proof arrives, yes?" Eamon gestured towards her. They all smiled at her.

"May I say congratulations, dear lady?" Teagan gave her hand a friendly tug.

"Well, I guess you are all aware that we don't have to go searching far and wide for another Theirin after all." Kai just laid a hand on her belly and smiled.


	20. Alienage Blues-Reprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> join Kai four months after her second Rip Van Winkle impression. : )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns all but what I've made up.
> 
> My love and appreciation to all my betas. And my love and gratitude to all my readers, lurkers, and those who take out their valuable time to make comments. I couldn't do it without you all.

Kai stayed ducked behind the crenulation of the wall overlooking the Alienage in Denerim with her Dalish longbow across her knees. Leliana, with her own longbow, was crouched further down and to her left, and Wynne was to her right. Shianni, the spunky young elf and new elder who had helped them in a battle against the archdemon's general, was sitting next to Wynne. Eamon's and Teagan’s archers fanned out to either side of her along with the elven citizens who knew how to use a bow of any kind. The stone was cool despite its being the dog days of Summer when even the nights stayed muggy and hot after the sun had gone down.

Kai was stifling in a light cloak with the hood pulled up, which she was wearing over her leathers. As she was “dead,” she really couldn't afford for anyone to see her; she was a little too solid to be a ghost. Somewhere down below, hidden amongst the houses of the Alienage, were more of Eamon's and Teagan's men along with Zev, Sten, Shale, Oghren and Argus as well as more of the elves fit and willing to fight. Some of the elves were armed with weapons compliments of Eamon and Teagan. Others were armed with whatever weapons they could make out of garden tools, kitchen implements, pieces of buildings, even rocks. Whatever might gouge, stab or bludgeon.

Thanks to Zev and his assassin skills, which included spying, not just killing, he had obtained information that Anora was sending an armed contingent into the Alienage on this night to "quell a rebellion against humans" brought on by the food shortage and the ill treatment the elves had received for years. Except, there was no uprising.The elves were hungry, but they were not starting a rebellion. At least they weren't until Kai and her group had talked to the hahren, the elder Shianni, and told her of Anora's plans. Those plans included using the excuse of a rebellion to sell the elves into slavery to the Tevinters just as her father, Loghain, had done. But unlike her father, Anora was more clever. A rebellion would give Anora the reason she needed to make slavery more palatable for the nobles and the people of Ferelden, plus give Anora an income. This income was not to be used helping the Ferelden people rebuild, mind you, but to continue the construction of a monument to her father, the regicide, who had almost sacrificed Ferelden to the Blight. Kai shook her head in disgust. 

Eamon, Teagan and her group of friends had protested strongly when she insisted she was coming. I don't blame them, she thought, as she rested a hand on the small swelling of her belly beneath her tightening leathers. It fluttered as though in response to her touch. But, she had convinced them that she would stay cloaked and at a distance firing arrows from cover, not wielding her blades in close combat. That, coupled with Wynne at her side in case of any injury, had finally convinced them. Well, it was that or they would have had to truss her like a pig and lock her in a closet. Still, she was here.Kai allowed a small smile to play on her lips.

"You can be the most pig headed, stubborn person in all of Ferelden," Alistair's exasperated voice sounded in her ear. I prefer “implacable,” it sounds classier, she thought into her own head, to which she got a deep sigh in response. She gave a mental smile. What am I supposed to do, sit around the various castles and safe houses we move to, eating sticky buns and getting fat? His only reply was a grumble.She laughed into her own skull and called him a worry wart.

Her internal conversation with Alistair was broken off by the sounds of the back gate to the Alienage being opened. Kai had anticipated Anora’s men would lock the gate leading to the long narrow bridge which had still not been repaired since the battle with the archdemon. The elves had done a makeshift repair with boards which created a wobbly but serviceable shortcut to the gate to the marketplace, but the soldiers would not want any elves to escape, so that gate would be locked. Furthermore, no large number of heavily armored soldiers was willing to cross tottering boards, which had left them only one gate to come in by.

The plan was to have the Alienage look as normal as possible. Lanterns glowed, candles shone in windows. Some of the citizens, those who were too old or feeble to fight or those whose weapons were everyday items, stood around in various places to make it look as though it was a night like any other. Those too young or unable to fight were hidden in safety.

Everything was designed to lull the soldiers into thinking the elves were unaware. The soldiers were to be allowed to come in until the last man was behind the gate, and one of Eamon's men disguised as a dirty drunken beggar would wait outside to close and lock the gate, cutting off the soldiers' escape route. Kai and those on the wall would rain down arrows on the armored men, which would mostly be a distraction, as the arrows would more than likely be stopped by their armor. However, this would give those below a chance to take most of them down, they hoped with minimum of casualties for their side.

Kai allowed herself a furtive look down below and watched as the armor clad men walked into the Alienage, their metallic footsteps echoing off the stone walls. Kai signed with her hand for the archers to nock their bows. When she heard the gate close behind the soldiers with a loud clank, she stood up and took careful aim, letting her arrow fly and lodging it in her target's throat between his helmet and his breastplate. He gurgled and went down. Before the man even finished falling, she was nocking her second arrow and looking for another target.

As with anytime she was in battle, Kai's senses became acute and her adrenaline sang in her veins. As master archers, Kai and Leli would actually be aiming for openings to incapacitate or kill. Others who were not as skilled were told to fire at the soldiers and try not to hit their own. She put another arrow through an eye socket as one man looked up to see where the arrows were coming from. He went down like a sack of beans. Part of her brain was horrified that she was killing other living human beings, but she had learned to tune it out. Later, she would probably empty her stomach in disgust, but right now she focused on her task.

It was then that she saw a soldier she recognized, Sergeant Kylon. He was the poor man who had been stuck with all the nobles' bastards to keep the peace in the marketplace. She and her group had done some work for him. He was a kind and honorable man who had spread the word that the Wardens were to be trusted.

"HOLD!" Kai yelled down into the fracas. "HOLD!" But she could not yell loudly enough. "Wynne, I need to get their attention, think you can help?" Kai raised an eyebrow at the mage. Wynne just nodded and began to cast an earthquake spell, aiming it at the middle of the crowd of fighting men and women below. There was a deep rumble as the earth trembled beneath the seething mass of people. The ground rippled like water in a pond when a pebble has been dropped into it, causing friend and foe alike to concentrate on standing rather than fighting as some people began to fall.

When the trembling stopped, Kai had her fellow archers quickly move the long ladder they had used to get to their perch into position against the wall so she could climb back down into the square. "Leli, cover me," Kai told the bard as she began to climb down hand over hand.

Kai reached the ground, strode to Sergeant Kylon and helped him to his feet. "Please tell your men to hold, ser. I think you and I have much to discuss and I would like to stop the bloodshed.” Kylon looked at her as if she had gone mad, and she realized he didn't recognize her due to her hooded cloak.

"Why should I do that?" Kylon continued to look at her as if she were a snake about to strike.

"Because you know my intentions are honorable, as you know me." Kai lifted her hood away to let him see her face. Kylon's eyes got wide, and he smiled and grasped Kai's outstretched forearm in friendship as she gripped his.

"By Andraste's knickers, I believe I do, good lady!" He turned to his men and gave the order to stand down. "We were told you were murdered by persons unknown."

"As you can see, news of my demise has been greatly exaggerated. Kylon, by the Maker, why are you helping the pretty little viper against innocents?"

"Because those who don't do what she says have their families disappear, or they themselves disappear if they have no families to be threatened," Kylon looked down, abashed.

"So I had heard, but I did not have confirmation until now. It has gotten as bad as that?"

"Yes, Warden. The disappearances are subtle. She hides her true face from the people, and so far they are fooled." Kylon looked at her with a guilt shining in his eyes. "We haven't had much of a choice."

"Kylon, you cowardly fool! How dare you give the order to stand down. I am in charge here! And why do you tell this, this traitor, such lies?" a high pitched male voice shrilled from behind Kai. She turned to find a thin man with a face like a ferret. His hair was slicked back, and he had a mustache with the ends waxed in the Tevinter fashion. His armor was expensive and well made and had Anora's coat of arms on it. Ah, a sycophant then.

"This is no traitor, she is the Hero of Ferelden. You are not worthy to lick her shoes, Wadeth! And I only tell her the truth," Kylon snarled back.

"The truth is that Queen Anora has power, and she has the right to use it and to give it to those she favors. The Hero of Ferelden is dead, all two of them, or they are supposed to be. This little guttersnipe is a traitor to our queen. I will personally find it a pleasure to run her through and make her death a reality. I wonder what kind of favors Anora will give me when I present your head to her, little bitch?" 

Wadeth’s last words barely passed his lips before his eyes widened in shock and a cough brought blood to his lips as he fell forward. His body landed with a dull thud on the ground, the dirt turning into mud as his blood soaked into it.

Zev stood calmly where Wadeth had been, wiping off a dagger. "Ah, that was the wrong thing to say," he murmured.

Kai turned back to Kylon, motioning for Eamon and Teagan to join her. "Wynne, keep an eye on things, use whatever spells you think you need. Archers, stay alert!" Kai shouted up to figures on the wall. She took Eamon, Teagan and Kylon inside one of the houses and closed the door. Kai turned and leaned against it trying to look casual as she faced the men in the room. Both Eamon and Teagan were furious with her for exposing herself, but were hiding it behind neutral masks. She could still feel the disapproval rolling off of them in waves.

"Truth be told, my love, I am not happy with you either," Alistair's angry voice said into her ear. She made mental shushing noises.

"Arl Eamon and Bann Teagan, may I introduce Ser Kylon?" she motioned toward the two men. "Ser Kylon, Arl Eamon and Bann Teagan. Now that the introductions are out of the way, may I propose a plan?"

"I certainly hope you have a plan, dear lady, or any one of those men you exposed yourself to will tell Anora you are alive and well," Teagan's voice broke in fear for her.

Kai made a dismissive gesture with her hand. "Kylon, you say your men and their families are threatened, well, then I propose we give them an out. How many of the men are loyal to you, and what number were that little dead weasel's flotsam?"

"That is easy my lady. All but four of the men out there hated that worthless piece of trash. The four I mentioned were part of his 'gang'. In fact, Gwydion in particular would kill the little maggot again if he could. Wadeth and his four supporters raped his sister, and he could do nothing to stop it." Kylon looked at her. "Why, dear lady?" Kai just put up a staying hand, opened the door and motioned to Zev.

Once Zev was inside, Kai turned back to Kylon. "I want you to describe where they are and what they look like, the four men who were friends of our dear departed maggot, to Zev here. Zev let me know when you have their positions in the crowd, please." Kylon and Zev made their way to the window. Kylon stood looking out the window where he could be seen. Zev looked while staying out of view. Kylon, to his credit, acted calmly as if he were just looking out the window while talking to those inside.

Zev nodded to Kai. "Zev, get Leli, Shale, Sten, Oghren and yourself on those men. Try to do it without drawing too much attention to yourselves, if you can. And let Wynne and Shianni know what is going on." Zev smiled and slipped out the door.

Kylon turned his back to the window, "Now what, dear lady?"

"Now we give Zev and the rest a moment to get into place," she smiled grimly. It only took a few minutes. and there was a soft knock on the door. One of the elves poked her head in and gestured to Kai.

Kai walked out, and the others followed. She noted where in the crowd her people were. "Men, I understand you and your families are being threatened. I would like to offer you a way out and a way to take back Ferelden when the time comes. If you join us, we will help you get your families safely out of Denerim. You will be able to disperse among some arlings and bannorns loyal to the Theirin line. We ask you to hide your weapons and armor until we have called you."

"The Theirin line is dead!" a voice shouted out from the crowd.

Kai took a deep breath. "The Theirin line lives in me," she placed a hand on her belly for emphasis. "What is happening now should not be happening in Ferelden. Her people are hungry, nothing has been rebuilt, your families are threatened, and your honor sullied by the petulant orders of a spoiled woman. I am asking you to stand with me when the times comes. Those who feel they either can't or won't join, I give you my word on the blood of my father Bryce Cousland and by Andraste's grace that neither you nor your families be harmed." Kai watched the faces in the crowds carefully for any sign of more men, other than the four they knew of, who would not go along. It seemed Kylon still knew his men; in fact all of them save the four looked hopeful and relieved.

One young man walked up and bowed on one knee in front of her. "For killing that bastard Wadeth, I would follow you and fight demons in the Fade. You have my sword and my life, my lady."

"Your name, good ser?" Kai asked him as he started to rise.

"Gwydion, my lady."

"I am sorry to hear about your sister." Kai looked him in the eyes. Gwydion bowed his head. Kai motioned for her group members to bring the four men forward.Three of the four looked terrified and kept looking to the dark haired one who wore a feral smirk. Ah, the second in command of the gang. One of the men broke as if to run, though where he meant to go she had no idea since they were all locked in. He took two paces before one of Leli's arrow took him in the back. As his hand reached reflexively for it, two more followed. He fell with a sickening thump. The second man took one terrified look at his fallen fellow before stumbling only a step or two; Argus leapt on him, knocking him down and ripping out his throat.

Kai looked at Gwydion. "Are these the men who abused her?" she gestured towards the two that had fallen and the two still remaining. Gwydion nodded. "Does anyone here think they are not being given proper justice?” Kai asked the crowd. There were no dissenting voices raised. In fact if anything, they looked as if they wanted to be the ones who handed out the justice themselves.

Kai turned to the one with the smirk. He had greasy black hair and stubble. He might have been considered handsome except for the cold, arrogant eyes and the scar running up from one corner of his mouth. His smirk had been replaced by fear. "I will not run, they were cowards," he growled with bravado while fingering the sword strapped to his side.

"And you think raping a woman who was powerless to stop you is brave?" Kai asked him coldly.

"She was a toy. Why pay for it when you can have it for free? The strong take what they want." Anything else he might have said got cut off when Gwydion ran his sword through the man’s belly, up to the hilt.

"She was not a toy!" He pushed the man's body off his sword with his boot.

The last man, a greasy faced fellow with thin blonde hair, stared at them with eyes that bugged from his head in fright, "Puh...Please, I...."

Kai cocked her head at him, "Please? Did she ask you to please stop? Did she beg, and did you stop? Did you try and stop them, no, I thought not. You are a disgusting coward."

"I...," whatever the man was going to say didn't get finished; Kai planted her two daggers into the man's chest up to their hilts. She turned away from him, took two steps and then spun back, yanking the daggers out. With a double-handed sweep, she sent his head flying in a fountain of blood. Before his head had even hit the ground, she turned back to the sergeant, "Kylon, get your men and get their families moving. Go to the bannorns to the north and the Terynship of Highever. Tell your men to hide their armor as they carry it with them; they are not to wear it. They should wear civilian clothes.Their families should only take the clothes and provisions they need, and one toy per child, leave the rest. They only have a few hours before sunrise, and they need to be out of here before then. Split the men up into small groups, deciding who goes where. We don't want to arouse suspicion. They must disappear like smoke. Tell them that word will be sent to the teryn and banns so they will be expected. They will have a home," Kai nodded to him.

"Yes, Warden. May I say how grateful I am to be in your company again?" Kylon grasped her forearm in a soldier's shake once more before turning to his men. "You heard her, move out!" Kylon and his men turned toward the gate which was opened once again. One of the others must have given word to their accomplice outside.

 

Kai turned towards Shianni, who had come down from the wall. "We need to strip the bodies of anything useful and then get rid of them and clean up the blood. I want the Alienage to look as if nothing happened, as if the men never were here at all. Is that understood?"

Shianni just nodded, feigning innocence. "What soldiers?" she asked Kai with a feral grin.


	21. Always Expect the Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai's pregnancy has come right along, thank goodness she an hole up during the Ferelden Winter. Zev tries to make himself into a snowman and they receive an unexpected visitor with shocking news. I hope you enjoy. Oh, I don't want to give away the surprise guest, but I am basing it on Mr. Gaider's books. : )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns all but what I made up.
> 
> Thanks again for all your support! And thanks for your putting me on as a favorite author and your reviews. I hope you continue to enjoy. : )
> 
> Blessings to you all for your love and support.

Kai sat with her back leaning against Alistair’s muscled chest while he read aloud from a book. They were leaning up against a tree while sitting on a blanket in the grass in the garden. She could smell the scent of him, the grass and the apple blossoms.The bees hummed back and forth, and it felt so good. "You know you are going to have to help me up from the ground; I'm as big and unwieldy as a bronto." She felt rather than saw him set the book down, and the arm that he had draped around her moved so his hand could rest on her large rounded belly, caressing it. The baby moved under it in response to his touch.

"I think you look beautiful." She could feel his grin in the back of her head as he smiled into her hair.

"My belly button may never go back in at this rate. My whole body is so round so you would think I never wielded a weapon. And despite using the creams Leli and Wynne made for me, I have stretch marks because your child keeps getting bigger. It also seems to take after its father and have this huge appetite."

"And?" She could feel him grinning more.

"And I am so completely happy," she laughed and leaned back so she could look at him. He bent down and kissed her lingeringly, one hand supporting her head and the other still stroking her rounded stomach. Then someone started knocking on the gate in the garden wall. She tried to ignore the sound, as Alistair's tongue was doing very enticing and arousing things to her mouth, but the knocking didn't stop. "By Andraste's flaming knickers, come in!" Kai found herself yelling out loud, and then she woke up. Kai groaned as the feelings of intense love and happiness following her from the Fade collided with reality. Her eyes teared up with an agonizing longing, and she felt her heart would break.

"Damn, just when we were getting to the good part," Alistair's voice spoke in her ear, and she couldn't help but laugh. His humor always soothed her.

She took a deep breath and realized that a servant had stuck his head into the room. "My lady? I am so sorry to wake you, but we have an unexpected visitor, and Arl Eamon and Bann Teagan asked me to fetch you? They know you need your rest, my lady, but they said it was very important?" The servant looked positively horrified at having woken her, so every statement came out as a question.

"Very well, I will get dressed and come down. Are they in the dining hall?"

"Yes, my lady! I will tell them you will be on your way." The poor man closed the door.

Kai felt a hand on her belly over the covers, Zev's hand. His face was buried in her hair as he breathed into the side of her neck. Just as she had expected after her visit to the Fade, Zev continued to shadow her closely. That is, when he wasn't training a core group of volunteers in the finer arts of spying and the ways of the assassin. Or practicing those same arts. He told her he wanted to have more feelers out and more people to protect her. It was a plan that Eamon and Teagan supported wholeheartedly for multiple reasons, the most important being to protect Kai and the last of the Theirin line.

Zev still slept on top of the covers wrapped in a blanket. Well, now a feather filled duvet due to the Winter chill, almost as if he were afraid she would take advantage of him. This thought caused her to smile. He had snuggled close, probably for warmth. Ferelden Winters were hard on people from places like Antiva. Kai remembered her sister-in-law's reactions to winter here and how miserable she had been. Kai wished he would just get under the covers; it would make him more comfortable. In her state, she couldn't take advantage of anyone even if she wanted to. All they would have to do is walk at a normal pace to get away from her. Her lips curved in a rueful smile. When walking, she thought she must look like a ship under sail.

Zev had come in late last night through heavy snow after a mission in Denerim. He had been gone over a week and had caused Kai to worry herself into a state thinking he had gotten caught, tortured, and/or killed. She had almost gone out the door herself to find him and had to be restrained and convinced to wait. It had only been Leli's promise that she, herself, would go after him if he didn't show after the Solstice celebration tomorrow. 

Fortunately, he had shown, dragging himself in with a goodly amount of snow. He had been exhausted and half frozen, but promised to debrief them. Kai insisted he get warm, dry, and rested before he did.

She tried to move his hand gently without waking him, grasping his wrist and lifting his arm up so she could slide out of bed. The only problem was that her sliding out days were long gone. All the fluid grace she had as an athletic rogue had disappeared as her belly had gotten bigger and bigger. Had she said she was a bronto in her dream? More like a drunken bronto.

"You're still beautiful, for a drunken bronto," Alistair's voice teased in her ear. Gee, thanks so much. Next time I meet you in a dream I am going to smack you. But she said it with a mental smile.

Kai couldn't sleep on her side anymore, so she was lying on her back. In fact her lower back was killing her, and she couldn't get comfortable. Rolling over to get out of bed was not an option. She tried to scoot sideways, like a crab, gently pushing on the down filled mattress with her other arm, but she wasn't making much progress. Zev’s hand grabbed her wrist and gave it a gentle tug. "You do not need to struggle so, I am awake, my dear Gray Warden." He removed his hand and used it to rub his eyes.

"I am so sorry, Zev, I was trying not to wake you."

"Are you well? Is the baby coming?" Suddenly, Zev was sitting bolt upright. Kai laughed at him. All of her friends kept watching her like hawks. If she made any kind of motion of distress, they all descended on her asking her if she were in pain, did she need anything, was the baby coming. The only two who didn't were Sten and Shale. They would just stare at her until she told them she was okay, and that didn't always convince them, sometimes they would continue to stare.

"I am fine, Zev, no labor pains." She started to tick off on her fingers, "Just a sore lower back, a constant need to use the privy, heartburn, oh and my lungs are being squeezed while the child kicks my kidneys. And I swear this infant is going to have me eat the woodwork. But no, nothing you need to worry about. Apparently, we have an important visitor and Eamon wants me there. Go back to sleep, you need it." Kai did a half roll and grunted as she tried to twist herself upwards over her expanded abdomen. She felt a hand under her upper arm pulling her forward. Nimble Zev had come to her side of the bed without making a sound. Kai looked at him with envy.

Zev laughed, "My dear Gray Warden, you will get your agility back when you longer look like a child stealing a watermelon." 

"Ugh, thank you so much," Kai gasped as he pulled her to her feet. She touched his face. "Now go back to sleep. You scared me half to death taking so long and you were half frozen. And Zev, it’s too blasted cold for you to be sleeping on top of the covers. Just get under the bloody duvet from now on."

"Is that an order, my dear Warden?" he asked with a smirk.

"And if I said yes?" She cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Then I would say I love to take orders from beautiful women. Do we have any rope and perhaps a whi..." she stopped him with a fingertip to his lips.

"Really, I am so pregnant I can hardly move and you are making sexual innuendos? I don't know whether I should be flattered or disturbed,” Kai laughed at him.

"Disturbed, definitely disturbed," came Alistair's voice in response to her statement. Considering what you were doing in the dream, you're just as bad, she replied. "Hey-y, that was different." She could hear him smiling. Uh huh, sure it was. She laughed again.

Zev kissed her fingertip, but did not get back in bed. He pulled out a simple robe, similar to the ones worn by mages, along with some doeskin slippers for her feet and helped her get dressed. The robe was even more snug around her belly if that were possible. Any bigger and she would pop. This infant was going to have broad shoulders and a barrel chest like Alistair, of that she was certain. She had a momentary flutter of fear. How was she going to get it out of her? Oh my, not going there, panic time. Instead, she concentrated on Zev.

"Zev, I know you will tell everyone about your trip, but are you okay, was everything all right? You took so long, it really frightened me." Kai watched as he pulled on pants and boots.

"The gold got distributed where it belonged. Many families will have a good Winter Solstice and a good Winter, and they know it is thanks to you. Or at least thanks to the 'Silver Griffon'. Your idea of doing as the 'Black Fox' did was inspired. It is a good thing you read so much, no?" He gave her a reassuring smile and continued, "It took so long because I was caught in a blizzard outside Lake Calenhad and had to stay at The Spoiled Princess for more days than I liked. Ceffyls are hardy but a blizzard is not good for them either." Zev tossed off his sleep shirt and put on a cotton shirt, a thick woolen shirt, and a second woolen shirt on top of that one. Kai suppressed a giggle.

"In fact, Rhia has more sense than most people, and elves apparently. She started acting strangely and would not stay on the road. Finally, I just let her go where she pleased. She bypassed the road, taking a shorter route overland to the lake. We made it to the Princess just in time." Zev smiled, "She is very clever, my Rhia; she knew the storm was coming. I think another storm is following me inward from the Waking Sea. After the snow started falling more slowly, I went out to see that she was being cared for, and she was all but breaking down the stall door. She grabbed the bridle in her teeth and shook it at me. It was obvious she wished to set out. Her insistence is why I showed up so late last night."

Kai went and hugged him as best she could with her belly in the way. "I am glad you made it. Remind me to give Rhia an extra apple as a thank you," Kai smiled at him. "Shall we go see who this important visitor is? It’s someone so important they woke us before the sun has come up." Zev smiled and offered her his arm.

They made their way downstairs to the dining hall of the hunting lodge they were currently using as a safe house. As Anora's mind seemed to be slipping further and further into insanity, the banns and arls had started to look to Arl Eamon for help. Only the most trusted of these had been let in on the secret of Kai's being alive and her carrying the Theirin bloodline that could make Anora's spiraling-out-of-control rule collapse. They offered their homes and hunting lodges and even trusted freeholder's homes as places for her safe houses. Anora still did not know she was alive, and they meant to keep it that way.

This particular lodge was close enough to Highever that her brother Fergus had been able to come to visit for the Solstice celebration without rousing suspicion. It had been hard having to stay away from him now that she had him back in her life again, but his visit was making up for it. She smiled and hugged Zev's arm, thinking that she and Fergus should go out in the snow today and sled down the hill behind the hunting lodge as they had when they were children. Of course the sled she got on might just sink into the snow and not move. Perhaps she would just let Fergus sled and she would watch. Not to mention that all of her very protective friends and Eamon and Teagan would put the kibosh on any such possible dangerous activity. Kai sighed to herself.

Her thoughts were interrupted as she and Zev walked through the door of the dining hall to see Eamon and Teagan, as well as her brother, which surprised her. They were speaking to a figure Kai couldn't see standing on the other side of the doorway. As she and Zev entered, Fergus came forward to take her hand. His face didn't look alarmed but it did look...grim? Zev picked up on that and stayed close in behind her, probably making ready to pull one of his daggers if necessary.

Both Teagan and Eamon also looked worried and nodded in greeting as she came further into the room. Kai turned towards the visitor, seeing a small elven women looking at her. She was beautiful, and age had only made her more so rather than diminishing or softening her beauty in any way. Her eyes were a startling dark brown or black. Kai was drawn to them; most elves seemed to have exotically colored eyes like Zev's amber ones. But this woman’s eyes were dark pools in her almost unlined skin. She had dainty, softly tapered ears that kept back her silver white hair. Kai also noted she was a mage carrying a staff of white wood, well used. She wore a grey cloak pinned with a brooch with a rampant griffon on it. A Grey Warden, then.

Kai moved forward, her hand outstretched, "Greetings, Grey Warden. Since I know Anora has denied the Wardens leave to come to Ferelden, despite her earlier promises, I take it you slipped in?" Kai smiled. This woman must have come from Orlais or Weisshaupt. She was going to guess Orlais as Weishaupt was a journey of thousands of miles, and she doubted they sent a Warden from so far away simply to see what was going on in Ferelden. "So they sent someone to find out what has been happening? I take it you have heard that all the Grey Wardens in Ferelden are dead?" Kai was not about to blow her cover to some stranger just because she was wearing the griffon on her clothes. Kai watched the mage give a sardonic little twist of her lips. 

"Actually, my fellow Grey Warden, I am here looking for my son, Alistair."


	22. No one expects the Weisshapt Wardens!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A surprise visitor with some revelations, I don't want to say more and spoil things. I hope you enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns all but what I made up. 
> 
> Again, thanks for all your support, your feedback, and reviews. You have all been so great! Let the tale continue. : )
> 
> Blessings and gratitude to you all, it means a lot to me that you share your precious time with me.

Kai felt as if she had had the breath knocked out of her, and the room started to spin for a moment. Fergus, sensing her shock, tightened his grip on her arm. She heard her voice from far away, "Your son, Alistair?" Kai couldn't quite believe she got the words out.

"Perhaps we all should sit down? Especially, Kai," Teagan spoke from behind her. Fergus guided Kai to one of the benches for the long dining table in the room. The elven woman went around to the other side to sit across from Kai. Zev followed the mage and stood behind her; Kai knew it was his way of keeping an eye on their visitor. Mages couldn't cast spells if they couldn't speak. Kai knew Zev would have the woman's throat slit inside of a second if she so much as twitched with the beginnings of a casting.

Fergus sat himself next to Kai on her right and Teagan on her left. Eamon sat next to the Grey Warden mage. Kai felt her hands balled up on the table and made a conscious effort to flatten them out, looking at the softly tapered nails as if they belonged to someone else. "I have some very bad news for you then, fellow Grey Warden. The man you are looking for is dead. He died a hero, killing the archdemon and saving us from the Blight. Or did The Grey not hear of this?" Kai thought to be as blunt as possible to see the woman's reaction.She looked at the elf across from her, whose face remained neutral except for the tears escaping the corners of her eyes.

"It confirms what I had heard around Ferelden. I knew there were two Fereldan Gray Wardens against the Blight. But none from Orlais were allowed to come in after Loghain took over. The reports told us Riordan had snuck in, and then we lost track of him. We knew that one Gray Warden must have stopped the Blight, as it is only a Warden who can. But we have heard nothing further, and Anora ignores our requests for information or to be allowed into Ferelden. The reports mentioned one of the Wardens was named Alistair. That was the name Maric and I gave him, it means 'people’s defender.'” The elf's voice choked, and she looked away for a moment. "It isn't a common name. I thought it might be him. I had hoped that Riordan, as the senior Warden, would have taken the blow. I see that is not the case." Her tears continued to fall unabated.

"I don’t know whether to believe you or not. I live under a cloud of danger, constantly moving and trying to keep myself, my child, and those I love alive. How do I know you aren't some tool sent by the pretty little viper on the throne? Wearing a grey cloak with a griffon on it means so very little, and then you throw out a...a name that you could have heard anywhere in Ferelden?" Kai let one corner of her mouth quirk as the question tapered off.

"Kai..." Eamon began, but he cut off when the woman simply put a hand on his arm. Kai watched as she reached beneath the tunic she wore to take out a pendant, identical to the one Kai wore around her neck.

"There are only two of these in all of Thedas. I had them made especially by a jewelry crafter in Weisshaupt. I put one around my infant son's neck and the other I wear, always." She placed the pendant on the table in front of Kai's hands. Kai took off her own pendant, her lips brushing it before she took the other to hold them side by side. "If you know what to look for, there is lettering worked into the design. Mine says 'mathair' or 'mother.' His says 'mioruilt' or 'miracle' because he was my miracle." Kai looked up to see the elf was crying steadily now, tears pouring down her face making her cheeks wet. Kai felt her own tears as well.

"She is my mother? So Goldana's not my sister? Bloody hell, I am glad I that harpy Goldana wasn't related to me after all," Alistair's voice sounded amazed and relieved at the same time. He was taking this better than she was.

"Riordan died trying to get the archdemon to the top of Fort Drakon. I was going to take the final blow, Alistair stopped me," Kai's voice hitched. She still couldn't talk about it, even now. The woman reached over and grasped her hand, squeezing it.

"Mi' gra, my love," Alistair's voice sounded with regret for her pain.

"Perhaps someone should explain why Alistair, and thus I, myself, have been lied to?" She directed this in particular to Eamon, who looked uncomfortable. Kai could hear the cold anger in her own voice, "Eamon, why did you lie to Alistair about his mother?"

Eamon looked at his hands, and then at Kai. "Maric asked me to take care of him. To raise him." Kai carefully schooled her face at this statement, considering how Alistair had been raised. "His mother, no offense dear lady, was an elf and a mage and a Gray Warden. There was a pregnant cleaning woman, who had an older daughter. The woman gave birth, and she and the baby died. It seemed like the perfect solution. We would simply say that she was the mother. If any of the other nobles knew that the mother was a mage and an elf, it would have made more trouble for Maric. It would have made it almost impossible for him to rule. He would have spent his time being twisted around by any noble trying to use the information against him, and Ferelden would have suffered."

"And I asked Maric not to tell him who his mother was. That was part of my request," The mage broke in.

"Perhaps you would like to explain that?" Kai nodded at the woman in front of her. "Oh, and I don't believe we have been introduced, how rude, I hope you will forgive me?" She found herself reverting to her training as a noble. It helped her have some control, otherwise she felt she might not be able to handle the emotional overload. "I am Kaidana Cousland, your son's lover and mother to his child. And you are?" Kai smiled.

"Fiona."

"Fiona." Kai tried the name out as if it were a foreign language. She felt her lips curving in a smile. "So, please tell me the story of how Alistair came to be, since the story he had was not even close." Fergus just reached for her hand and held it.

Fiona explained the trip to the Deep Roads, what had happened there, with The Architect. Fiona told her how she and Maric had come to care for each other, love each other there. How the taint, for whatever reason, had left her blood. How she had found herself pregnant and how Grey Wardens were not allowed to raise children, any more than the mages at The Circle were allowed to do so. How she told them she had a good home for him. How she had taken him to his father, Maric, and asked him to make sure their son would not be stuck living a life without choices. Kai barely held back a cynical laugh at that, considering the choices Eamon made for him. He was not to be raised as competition for Cailan to the throne. Not like Maric, stuck being king when he didn't want it. Again Kai almost laughed, how things do go the way we don't want them to. Not like Fiona’s being first a slave, then a mage, then a Grey Warden to escape The Circle. She wanted more for her son, and she worried he would not have it if anyone knew that not only was he Maric's bastard, but also who and what his mother was. Fiona just looked at Kai with tears running down her face.

Kai reached out a hand to comfort Fiona, until her mind latched onto something Fiona had said. Kai's fist hit the table with a loud crack, causing everyone to jump. "Gray Wardens aren't allowed to raise their own children? Is that what I am hearing? That the Gray Wardens won't let me keep and raise my child? Kai felt her blood flushing her face in anger. This was like no anger she had ever felt; it was a mother bear protecting her cub. "I am not about to hand over my child for someone else to raise because the Gray Wardens say so. I lost Alistair, I will not lose his baby too. So, you can go back to Weisshaupt and tell them they can go to hell. And by the by, my blood is no longer tainted anymore, so I don't know that I can be considered a proper Gray Warden. Furthermore, if they try to take my child from me, I will quit the Wardens; and if they come for me, I will flood Thedas in rivers of their blood!" Kai's face was a mask of fury.

They all stared at her. It was Fiona who broke the tense silence. "I would never allow it. It was the worst thing I ever did in my life. And I am not about to let that happen to my grandchild. I daresay that the people in this room wouldn't let it happen, either. You do have advantages I didn't have. You are not a mage or an elf. Have nothing to fear from me, daughter." And Fiona reached for her hand and squeezed it “Nor will you have anything to fear from The Grey.” Kai returned the pressure, calming herself.

Kai picked up both necklaces and heaved herself up to go and stand by the fireplace, looking into the flames. She studied them, and now that she knew what she was looking for, she saw the script easily. 'Miracle,' yes he was, in so many ways.

"Beloved," was all Alistair said in her ear. "You are mine." She smiled and brushed it with her lips again before she slipped it over her neck and turned her aching lower back to the flames, rubbing the muscles there. Kai watched Eamon, Teagan, Fergus and Fiona all speaking quietly together. She walked back to sit down at the table next to Fergus once again. She took Fiona's hand and kissed it before opening it and placing her necklace in her palm.

"I am pleased to meet you, mother?" Kai smiled. I am sorry for my rather rude and abrupt manner, but raising an army to stop the Blight only to lose...to lose him has been difficult. And for someone to show up claiming to be his mother when that was not the story we were told, well it is a little much to take in. I ask your forgiveness for my harsh behavior and my assumption that you meant to make me give up my child." Kai felt herself flushing with embarrassment. Being pregnant really made her emotional.

Fiona seemed to read her thoughts. "I remember what it was like to be heavy with child. Your emotions get very..."

"Unstable?" Kai asked giving a laugh. She was pleased when Fiona joined in. 

"Yes, that is one way to put it." Fiona smiled.

"Maybe you two would like to sit and talk for a while? I think Fiona would like to hear about him." Teagan just smiled at them both. Ah, Teagan always so thoughtful, Kai smiled at him. Fergus helped her rise from the bench this time and led her to one of the big cushioned chairs sitting in front of the fire. Zev brought more pillows to put behind her aching back, but she found she had to get up again before she barely sat down. Her back was just aching so badly and sitting was not comfortable at all. She stood and put her back to the fireplace again, hoping the heat would ease the muscles.

Kai could see the pink edge of the dawn starting outside the windows. Before she could say anything it was as if a fist hit her in the stomach and left her gasping. "Kai!" Fergus yelled. Zev grabbed one of her arms. She felt water running down her legs and pooling at her feet.

"Um, Fiona, I think we are going to have to postpone our chat." But Fiona was already gesturing for the men in the room to come and help get Kai back upstairs. Fiona just put her shoulder under Kai's arm, while Zev propped her up on the other side, and they began walking her out of the dining hall.

"Looks like I showed up just in time to see my grandchild born," she smiled at Kai.


	23. Bad Coins and Friends Returned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai may have some trouble bringing the Theirin line into the world, but an old friend shows up who might be able to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns all but what I made up. 
> 
> I couldn't resist throwing in the Fereldan version of a snow cone. They don't have Mr. Whippy...yet.
> 
> Thank you all for reading, the kudos, the comments and encouragement. You are such a blessing.
> 
> Oh and, "The sky is blue, the grass is green, may we have our Halloween?"

"Push, Kai!" Wynne's voice urged her as a guttural cry escaped Kai's lips. She had been at this since sunrise, and it had been dark again for hours. The storm that Zev said was following him had arrived. Kai could see the snow in a little pile on the floor in front of the window she’d opened so she could stand and get some relief. Sweat was pouring off of her, slicking her skin. She was sitting on a birthing stool while Wynne, Fiona, Leli and a female elven servant all took turns letting her lean against them, or giving her words of encouragement.

The room had been especially set up for this purpose. It was devoid of any rugs. It had a bed and one small table where a pitcher and a bowl of water sat along with clean cloths and a cup for Kai to drink from. There were a couple of chairs for the women in the room with her and the birthing stool. It had room for Kai to walk, which Wynne said was essential; gravity helped pull the babe down and made it easier for the mother.

Another contraction hit her, and she wondered what constituted easier. It wasn't so much the pain, after all she had been shot with arrows and crossbow bolts, stabbed, sliced, burned, frozen, crushed, hit with lightning, and had all manner of bones broken. She had even been poisoned. There were varying degrees of pain, and she figured she had probably run into most. The pain was livable. It was the intense pressure coupled with the pain. It was as if her body were trying to squeeze her in half, and yet the pressure kept building.

It had started off easily enough with lower back pain, which while uncomfortable was not that bad. The squeezing and pressure started in the early stages of her labor, but she had time to rest between contractions, to walk, even eat and drink a little, play chess, or read a book. Leli had played her lute and sung songs. Occasionally, one of the others would come by to check on her, say hello. Her brother Fergus had come in with snow drizzled with honey from outside, something they had as a treat as children. But as time wore on, the contractions had come in waves closer and closer together, like the tide coming in from the ocean.

"Leliana, get me another wet cloth please," Fiona directed the pretty bard sitting in the corner strumming a soft tune on her lute. The bard started to dip a cloth into the basin, when Fiona stopped her. "Leli, use some of that snow over there," the mage waved toward the pile in front of the open window. "It will be cooler, and I think Kai would like it better." The bard complied and handed her the cloth with snow cupped in it. The cold felt divine on Kai's hot skin.

"Okay, time to walk some more I think, young lady." Wynne gripped Kai under one arm and pulled her up. Fiona got on her other side.

It was getting harder to walk, the pressure seemed to be pressing down on her legs and her hips. Another contraction had her bowing up forward, crouching as it rolled in. Kai felt the cold stones under her feet as she tried to grip them with her toes. Her whole body wanted to contract everywhere. Sweat poured into her eyes, and her breath was coming in bursts.

Kai was exhausted, even though she had kept up with her rogue training, she’d stayed active during her pregnancy and managed to do so up until the eighth month or so. She was not in bad shape by any stretch of the imagination, but this seemed to be taking an awfully long time, longer than was healthy. She had been at this for hours upon hours.

They put her back on the u-shaped birthing stool as another contraction rolled in. Kai felt more pressure as Wynne checked her progress. Kai didn't want to know; it was enough that she was being squeezed in half. Kai caught the worried look Wynne flashed Fiona. "Wynne, is the baby all right?" Kai tried to keep panic from her voice.

Wynne's hand glowed with magic, and she placed it on Kai's swollen belly. "The babe is fine, the heartbeat is still strong," Wynne put a cool hand on Kai's forehead brushing back sweaty locks of hair. "But the contractions don't seem to be moving it further down. You need to push with them as hard as you can, I know you’re tired."

Kai bowed forward again as her womb contracted, and she tried to push along with it, but she was so tired she felt her muscles trembling with exhaustion. "Leli, go to Zev; get one of his sharpest daggers." Leliana's pale skin went whiter.

"You can't mean to..." Leli couldn't finish. Her eyes were wide.

"I do mean it, go!" Kai gasped at her as another contraction squeezed her causing her breath to expel in a gust.

"That could kill you. We may not be able to perform enough healing magic to save you," Fiona's voice came from behind her tinged with concern.

"I know that, but I am getting more tired by the minute, I want to use it as a last resort, believe me. But, the baby is all that is important. Do you understand?" Kai pleaded with them as yet another spasm hit her. They both just nodded.

And so it went for another hour or maybe two, it was hard for Kai to tell. Her world had narrowed in focus to contractions and pushing, nothing else existed. Wynne checked again, while she had made progress, it was not much. "Wynne, get the dagger." Kai just leaned against Leliana, who was giving Fiona a break.

"No, my love, please wait!" Alistair's voice pleaded with her. "You must not!"

"My beloved, Wynne and your mother may not keep me alive, but the babe must live. If they don't save me, they save it, and I will be with you again in the Fade," Kai said into her own head.

"No, you must not, you must raise our baby! I don't want it to wind up raised like me," his voice was sobbing into her head, "Please, wait."

"Ali, I am undone; I can't keep on," she responded tiredly. She wanted to comfort him, she could hear him sobbing, and it was breaking her heart. "It will be all right," she told him.

Wynne had taken the dagger from Leliana, and Fiona's hands glowed ready with healing magic. Alistair's voice just kept sobbing “No”, into her ear. 

"Do it, Wynne," Kai looked her in the face and smiled a reassuring smile, nodding. Just then a familiar voice rang out from behind Wynne.

"Oh yes, do gut her like a fish. ‘Tis always her way, to sacrifice herself, even for the fool Templar's brat. Do you suppose it will be as stupid as its father?" All eyes turned toward the window where a beautiful brunette with the golden eyes of a hawk stood frowning.

"Hello, Morrigan," Wynne's acerbic tone greeted the witch. "Just like a bad coin, you always show up."


	24. One for Sorrow, Two for Joy, Three For A Girl...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And we have Morrigan back. I personally couldn't have kept her away, I like her too much. I've always loved her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns all but what I made up.
> 
> My love and gratitude go out to veganstein, mythlover20, Ladyayla121, mirelia853, TearsInMyCoffee, Llynnyia, sarpndo, Wolfstarblade, ReflctngGoddess, Dr_Angela_Ziegler, silverchick, claratea, Orchidellia, ElissaHawke69, and Sunegami and my sixteen other guests who left kudos. And also for all your wonderful comments. You all rock my world!
> 
> Blessings!

Kai looked at Morrigan, so many emotions – love, happiness, anger, guilt, surprise – all collided and she couldn’t hold onto any of them as another contraction bowed her in half. 

Morrigan merely smiled a cold smile at Wynne and the rest of the group. "I never did comprehend what you saw in your idiot fellow Gray Warden, save that you told me he was good in bed, Kai. But really, you could have slept with him without letting him get you with his progeny as well. There are ways of preventing it." Morrigan leaned herself against the wall crossing her arms and her ankles, her face drawing up in a disdainful grin.

"Morrigan, where have you been? Why didn't you stay..." Kai began, but another spasm effectively cut her off as she focused on trying to push and breath.

"I didn't stay because I didn't want to, ‘tis enough, to be sure. I owed that fool and you nothing. You turned down my perfectly reasonable offer as repayment for my mother. A child was all I required in return. It was up to you to take it. Why should I stay for the likes of you or that besotted cretin you chose to tie yourself to?" Morrigan continued to look on with cold golden eyes.

"You always were a cold one, Morrigan. Did you come just to insult Kai, the woman you called friend? The woman who helped you against your mother?" Wynne's voice was icy. "You always had a tongue as sharp as any blade, witch."

"Oh ho, we are going to discuss blades are we, old woman?" Morrigan gave the slightest nod toward the dagger in Wynne's hand. "How interesting since you are the one about to gut her." Fiona stayed silent, looking between Morrigan and Kai, her face neutral.

"You are so...so evil!" Leliana spit at the witch standing before them.

"Ah, so the tongue-tied bard finally puts her two coppers in? My, my I am so-o hurt, really, you are going to make me weep," Morrigan mocked the red head and wiped away an imaginary tear. "So, Kai once again makes the big decisions, the hard choices, unlike the fool Templar, a man with few brains and no balls at all. Although, he apparently had balls enough to get you fat with his idiot seed. Otherwise, he would not have left the saving of the world to an untrained junior Warden and then taken the coward's way out. He couldn't live without his precious Kai so he killed himself," Morrigan purred.

"Stop insulting Alistair!" Kai could feel the heat in her face as her anger rose. When the contraction hit, Kai bore down.

"Stop insulting him? I only speak the truth. The man was not worth the energy his parents put into making him. To be sure, the world is a better place without him in it." Morrigan’s smile played on her lips as she looked at Kai.

"You cold-hearted bitch!" Kai yelled as yet another spasm hit her womb.

"’Cold-hearted bitch’ am I? I am not the one who had the means to save the man she loved but was too arrogant and selfish to use it." Morrigan peeled herself away from the wall and slunk forward the way a hunting cat moves. "’Twas not I who let the man I supposedly loved with all of my heart and soul, my very being," she mocked, "die on top of a tower when I could have saved him. ‘Tis you who are the 'cold-hearted bitch' Kai, not I." Morrigan put one hand to her chest delicately and smiled a slow smile with one corner of her mouth quirked up to go with her raised eyebrow.

"I am going to kill you, Morrigan. I am going to wrap my hands around that skinny throat of yours and squeeze until that viper's tongue pops out from between your teeth and then I am going to cut it out and wear it as a necklace!" Kai shouted at her through yet another contraction.

"Really, if you are going to do that, then you had best push that fool Templar's flotsam into the world, otherwise, I will take great pleasure in watching Wynne cut you open and take it from you. Perhaps it can be raised by Arl Eamon just like its idiot father." Morrigan smiled more widely and crossed her arms in front of her chest as she stood before Kai.

Kai bore down as hard as she could, a guttural scream leaving her lips, as her fury drove her. Kai felt the pressure increase then recede as her child slipped from her. Wynne took the tiny infant, cleaned out its mouth, and gently thumped the babe's tiny feet. The little face turned bright red as the mouth opened letting out a thunderous squall which reminded Kai of Alistair's war cry. Maybe it would be a shield warrior, too. Kai leaned back against Leli, relief and love swamping her. She thought she had already loved someone as much as she could with Alistair, but she apparently had so much more to give, it surprised her.

"It's a girl." Wynne just smiled at Kai while she put the wet and bloody babe on Kai's chest. Wynne took string and tied off the umbilical cord so she could cut it."Well, I was praying and hoping that would work," Wynne looked up at Morrigan and smiled.

"So you figured it out, did you?" Morrigan looked pointedly at Wynne.

"Well, you aren't a frog are you?" Wynne smiled at Morrigan.

Morrigan only laughed and waved a hand dismissively at Wynne.  
"You did that on purpose?" Kai whispered as she continued to look at her tiny daughter who had stopped crying and whose eyes had opened to look at hers. The babe had dark down on her head and the blue eyes of a newborn. Kai wondered what color they would be later. She felt herself smiling through tears of joy. It all threatened to overwhelm her.

"Mi' gra, she is beautiful; I am so proud of you," Alistair's voice spoke into her ear, tinged with awe, and love.

"’Tis true, you always did have a temper. ‘Twas easy enough to put it to use." Morrigan walked forward and knelt down in front of Kai, actually reaching out to touch the baby lying on her chest.

"Aw, she is so cute!" Leliana exclaimed. "I can't wait until she is old enough to go shopping for shoes!" Morrigan snorted under her breath. Fiona just put a hand on the baby's head and stroked it.

"I think she looks like Alistair," Kai said looking at Fiona, who had tears running down her cheeks.

"More's the pity," came Morrigan's retort, but she smiled a genuine smile and shrugged when Kai looked at her. The baby just used her balled up fists to wipe at her face.

"I think someone needs her first bath." And Fiona picked up her granddaughter, walking to the table to fill the basin with water that had been warming over the fire.

Kai just sat grinning, and then she felt as if her body was being squeezed in half again. She grunted as her breath was cut off. Leliana grabbed her shoulders. "Wynne what is the matter with her?"

Wynne bent down in front of Kai next to Morrigan and looked at the witch.

"It looks like the fool Templar got her not with just one babe, but two." Morrigan’s mouth twisted in a wry smile.

"I hope you have a Plan B to help her, I don't think getting her angry will work this time." Wynne and Morrigan looked at each other.


	25. Love Is a Weakness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, Morrigan is back, and Kai and Alistair have two bundles of joy, not just one. I hope you enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns all but what I made up. 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me and my story. And for all the new fans who put me on their alert lists, and favorites, thank you. Reviews are always welcome and really help keep the juices flowing. So thanks to you all that review as well. I am back at work, sigh, wish I was getting paid with bennies to write this, because that is what I would do. But I have to eat, so I am sorry if this is delayed, but I hope you continue to find it worth the wait.
> 
> Blessings!

Morrigan reached into a pouch on her belt and pulled out a small bottle. "Plan B is this, ‘tis a poison in large amounts but in tiny doses gives one great energy and stamina. But you have to know how much to use, and we don't want the babe affected, ‘tis a double edged sword, no?"

"We can't use that, if it’s a poison, we could kill them both!" Wynne's voice rose a decibel.

"’Tis better than the dagger, no? For that will surely kill her, even with all the mages in the room." Morrigan looked at Wynne. "’Tis Kai who should decide, dagger or potion?"

Kai knew that the underlying question was also whether or not Kai trust Morrigan as she used to. This was a test of faith and love. Kai went with her gut. Morrigan had been there so many times, had come now in her hour of need, though she knew not how Morrigan had known. But the act that sealed it for Kai was that Morrigan had shown up at Alistair's funeral.

"Let's use the potion." Kai looked at Morrigan, hoping the witch saw the love and trust shining in her eyes. She had missed her “sister.” She hadn't realized how much until now, she expected Alistair's voice to protest, but it remained silent.

Morrigan took a deep breath, unstopped the bottle and dipped her pinky into its depths. With the barest hint of a liquid shimmering on her fingertip, she bent forward and kissed Kai on the cheek and whispered in her ear, "If this kills you, my sister, I shall drink the rest." Kai looked into yellow eyes that glistened with pain, loneliness, regret, sorrow, worry, and love. Kai had only a moment to register all of this before the shutters went down in Morrigan's eyes again, and she felt the sweet concoction brushed across her lips.

Kai didn't know what the potion was called or what it was made from, and it was probably best she didn't know. It was as if someone had started a storm inside her, like an electrical current that crackled in the air when lightning hit. Kai felt as if she could throw Sten or even Shale over the hunting lodge's roof. When the contractions came, she found herself bearing down as if she had just started, not as if she had been at it all day and into the night. Her womb convulsed, and she rode it like swimming on waves in the ocean. Even as dangerous as this potion supposedly was, she almost wished she had had it from the beginning. Eventually, the pressure she was now familiar with built up again.

"One last push, Kai, come on, my child, you can do it!" Wynne's voice called to her as if from a distance. Kai found herself growling as she bore down hard. The pressure built and lessened as her second child slipped into the world.

Wynne did the same procedure with this babe as its sibling. She cleared its mouth, and thumped its feet, but no cry came this time. Wynne gave a little giggle and thumped it again. Still nothing. "Wynne?" Kai felt her heart start to beat so hard in fear she thought it would burst through her rib cage and fall out of her chest to flop around the room. Her breath constricted in her throat.

Wynne only waved a hand at her, "It’s all right, child, this little one apparently doesn't feel the need to cry like his sister." Wynne simply smiled and placed the second babe on her chest so she could tie off the cord.

"Did you say ‘his’?" Kai looked at her second child with the same awe and love she had the first. Two in one, a girl and a boy, how could she be so lucky? Her son looked at her the same way her daughter had, but he had a more serious look on his face. Kai felt a happy little flush in saying that even in her own head – her daughter, her son. Then, the babe chirped at her and put his tiny fist in his mouth. His little head had fuzz the color of Alistair's, but even squished from his journey into this world, he reminded her of Fergus and her father. His dark eyes looked like Fiona's. He chirped again as if he wanted to tell her all about what had happened, and Kai reached for him, his little fist grabbing her finger.

"Ah, my beloved, I am the happiest man to ever live, or be dead," Alistair's voice laughed in her ear. It was a giddy sound, and she found her own laugh echoing it.

"Let's get Kai and the new arrival washed off, and then we can probably get them all safely put to bed." Wynne's brisk voice brought everyone out of whatever thoughts they were in. 

Morrigan helped Kai wash off with a cloth and water. It wasn't as good as a soak in a tub, but it made her feel better. That and a clean dry shift made her feel almost human again. Morrigan tucked her in and sat on the covers next to her. Fiona and Wynne brought the babies over to the bed swaddled and wrapped up tightly in blankets, which seemed to have soothed them to sleep. They placed them between Morrigan and herself.

Kai was so tired, but her system was still singing from the potion. And she couldn't stop looking at the little faces in the bed with her, tears poured down her cheeks. Wynne just kissed her and stroked her still wet hair before stepping back. Fiona too came forward and looked once again at her grandchildren, before stroking Kai's cheek and smiling a sad smile. Leliana too gave Kai a hug and a kiss before addressing Morrigan. "I am sorry I called you evil." Morrigan only raised her hand in a shooing motion. The three women all walked out of the room, closing the door behind them.

Kai looked at Morrigan to find the witch looking at the twins with love and sadness in her eyes. She had reached out a hand and was stroking the tiny cheek of first one, then the other. Kai caught something glistening on Morrigan's cheek, a tear? Kai reached out and grabbed her hand. "Morrigan, I have missed you. Sister, I am sorry I made you feel unwanted by refusing your offer. I just couldn't take the chance on that Old God coming back to bite us all in the arse. It was the most painful decision I have ever made, and for so many reasons. I lost you and Alistair to it, and even Wynne for a little while." Kai felt tears again running down her cheeks.

Morrigan just grabbed her hand and held it to her own cheek, "You have hardly lost the fool Templar completely." And Kai knew Morrigan did not mean the twins.

"You know about my hearing him, that he talks to me from the Fade?" Kai felt her eyes getting wide and her eyebrows shooting up, she didn't think anyone knew about that.

"Ugh, that annoying man! He came crying to me in the Fade whilst I dreamt and babbled in his usual idiot way and would not let me alone, he kept saying you were going to use a dagger and kill yourself. It took me forever to get him to calm down and to explain. When he did, I turned myself into an owl and flew here as fast as I could, the fool." Morrigan's voice was tinged with annoyance and an underlying affection that would be hard for anyone else to hear if they didn't know her. "And now you are stuck with me again, so it seems you have not lost as much as you thought. Unless you wish me to go?" Morrigan's voice held both hope and despair.

"I have you back," Kai smiled at her. "But, why did you leave?" Morrigan looked away.

"I always told you love is a weakness. When you refused my offer, part of me admired you for your strength, and another was angry at you. I thought you were being a fool, I knew in my bones that Riordan was not going to be the one to make the sacrifice. And I knew, my sister, you would be the one to do so, and I felt fear. I have never felt fear before."

"You felt fear, for whom?" Kai looked Morrigan’s profile as the glow from the fireplace lit the planes and contours of it.

"For me. I felt fear because I could not bear to watch you die, you are the only person who had given of themselves to me, asking or demanding nothing in return. You are the only person who wanted me around for me. My own mother wanted me as a sack to fill."

"And still does, no doubt." Kai reached out and grabbed Morrigan’s hand.

"No doubt." Morrigan squeezed back.

"Men always looked at me and just wanted this body. The Templars wanted me because I am an apostate. Only you have ever loved me, my lack of social graces and all. And I realized that what Wynne said was true, the old biddy."

"What did Wynne say?" Kai had heard Wynne give advice on many topics.

"She said I would come to the end of my life and no one would mourn me. I knew the only person who would mourn me was you, and you were going to be dead on top of Fort Drakon. So, I left, I could not watch the only person who had loved me and whom I had loved back, die. Love is a weakness, so I ran. It would seem the fool Templar and I have more in common than I thought. He couldn't live without you and neither could I." Kai watched another tear slide down Morrigan’s cheek. 

Kai reached up and brushed it away. "And yet, you returned, you returned for Alistair's funeral, and you returned to help me. I would say it is what we do with love that makes it strong or weak. You are one of the strongest people I know." Kai stroked her cheek and smiled.

"Ugh, sleep now, or you may annoy me and make me wonder why I returned." And she put Kai's hand across the twins and stood, smiling down at her. Kai had only a moment to groan to herself as the potion seemed to be wearing off, and she felt a familiar blackness engulfing her, she’d been doing so well, too. She hadn't gone comatose in months! Sod it, the others were going to kill her for sure.


	26. Deck the Hall with Joy and Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning! This chapter, and maybe the next, is going to be more of a fluff one. We have had so much emotional turmoil, drama and near death experiences I thought it might be nice to have a little break before I ramp it all up again. After all we have a Winter holiday, everyone is together and we have the new arrivals to the Theirin line. Let the fun begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns all but what I made up.
> 
> And as always, thanks so much for your support, your reviews, your putting me as a favorite. You all rock my world. : )  
> Blessings!

Kai woke up to gray murky light coming through the bedroom windows. She was still in the birthing room, so maybe she hadn't done the “let's go comatose” routine she seemed so fond of, for which she was extremely grateful. She didn't think the others would be able to tolerate pouring broth down her throat again. She rolled over to see the twins both awake and making little chirping noises as they tried to suck on Zev's fingers. Apparently, he had taken Morrigan's place sometime in the night. He was laying under, Maker finally, the covers while leaning on one elbow while watching them. Kai took a moment to enjoy watching one of her best friends in the world with a look of awe and wonder on his usually guarded face.

"I can't believe they're mine, either." Kai watched him start as he had not heard her rouse. 

I can, they are beautiful like their mother," Zev smiled at her.

"On that we can completely agree," Alistair's voice held love and pride. "I'm glad I got Morrigan to come. I didn't think she would, since we never liked each other. I may have to change my mind on that now. Not a raging bitch, just a bitch." Alistair laughed.

"She will be heartbroken to hear it I am sure," Kai retorted with a mental smile of her own. 

"Kai, I...," Zev voice cracked. "I am glad you did not use my dagger after all, dear friend." And Zev touched her cheek. She had such good friends, how blessed she was. She knew what it must have cost Zev to hand the blade over to Leliana, knowing what it was for.

"I am glad we didn't use it either, Zev." She put her hand over his on her cheek and gave him a smile.

"I think they are hungry, no? I will fetch Wynne or Fiona, since this is your first try at this?" Zev threw back the covers and got out of bed to get dressed. Before leaving to fetch Wynne or Fiona, he gently pulled her up and piled pillows behind her back so she could sit up. She felt as if her body had been beaten with a pillow with rocks in it. Zev kissed her forehead and left the room.

Feeding babies was quite a learning experience. Kai was so grateful that she had Fiona and Wynne helping her, or she didn't know what she would have done. The twins could have starved before she figured it out. Kai did have a moment of intense sadness that her own mother was not the one helping her, Maker that was difficult. This sadness was the only blight on an otherwise very blissful and happy moment.

When it seemed the little ones had had their fill, been burped, changed and re-wrapped in blankets only to fall asleep once again, Wynne had suggested that Kai get dressed and walk downstairs. It was Winter Solstice, and by Wynne's calculations the twins had arrived on and little after midnight today. So, it was a birthday and a holiday all in one. The others were all downstairs waiting to see her and the babies and to celebrate.

Kai put on the same sort of simple woolen robe she had been wearing since her belly got too big to be comfortable in leggings and a tunic. That and doeskin slippers for her feet, and she was ready to go. She leaned on Wynne taking careful steps, as she just felt tender all over. Fiona followed carrying one baby in each arm.

She could smell the wonderful smells filling the hunting lodge from the kitchen, and they made her realize just how hungry she was. She hadn't eaten much since yesterday morning, and her stomach grumbled to let her know it. They made their way downstairs to the dining hall where she had been introduced to Fiona.

The hall had been decorated with evergreen branches and holly. Candles glowed and the fire roaring in the fireplace kept out the chill of the snow still falling outside the windows of the lodge, making faint hissing noises as the flakes brushed against the glass. She walked in the doorway to see those she loved, her extended family. They were all here. It made her heart swell. She just wanted to grab this moment when all their eyes turned towards her, and she could look on each beloved face.

Her brother came forward first and caught her in a big bear hug. "If I had known that having a little sister was going to scare the years off of me, I would have told Mother and Father to adopt a Mabari." She could feel him grinning into her hair.

"Ah, but then you wouldn’t get to play doting uncle, now would you?" Kai snuggled into his chest.

"Always a catch." He laughed and grabbed her chin tilting her face upwards so he could look her in the eye. "I am so proud of you, little sister." He kissed her before releasing her to help her sit in one of the big chairs by the fire. Kai laughed, it was the same chair they had tried to sit her in before, but this time she was able to settle into it. Fergus covered her legs with a blanket, and Zev put pillows behind her back yet again.

Fiona sat in the chair across from her as she had done just yesterday. Really, just yesterday? It felt much longer to Kai. Oghren came and looked at each infant and turned to her, "Why is it that all newborns look like old, bald dwarves? This calls for a celebration, Warden; let's bring out a keg and some mugs! Come on, 'Uncle Fergus!'" Oghren smacked Fergus on the back before winking and walking away towards the kitchens. Fergus shrugged at her and grinned before following the dwarf with Zev quietly slipping in behind.

Shale came next and put a giant stone finger out with surprising gentleness to touch each baby. "It has done well, I think, for something squishy." And with that Shale put herself behind Fiona's chair in a sort of guard stance.

Sten came next and looked down at them and then at Kai. "Kadan, you have done well, but I am not surprised." He simply stood with his hand on her chair. Leliana bounced up and kissed Kai with a big smacking kiss then wrapped her arms around Sten, who was too taken aback to do anything but grumble under his breath.

Wynne placed herself next to Leli who was still gripping Sten, and he seemed to be, if not comfortable with the bard's hug, at least getting used to it. Argus, her Mabari, gently snuffled the little bundles and quietly woofed at Kai. "Thanks, Argus, I think they are great too." She patted him before he lay down in front of the fire. It was Morrigan who walked to Kai's chair and sat herself on the floor next to it, settling with the boneless grace of a cat. She said nothing, she just tilted her head to lean on the arm of the chair, and Kai stroked her hair.

Teagan spoke next, "May I say, they are beautiful like you, dear lady?". He took her hand and brushed it with his lips, casting a look of longing? at her. Oh, boy. Teagan had been very attentive and caring, and he seemed to want more from her. She was going to have to do something about that. He deserved a person who could give him her whole heart. Kai's heart was already given, she would only disappoint them both. She gave an internal sigh. However, this was a holiday, and that problem could wait for another day. Today was for living, laughter, and love, as the saying on her family's garden gate went.

Eamon came and looked at both babies, touching each gently. He looked at Kai and smiled. Isolde had followed her husband but asked if she might hold one of them. When Kai nodded, Fiona let her take one of the twins. Kai could see the longing on Isolde's face and knew that Isolde was missing her own son, Connor, who had been sent to the Mages’ Circle for training. Kai now understood why Isolde did what she did and why she wanted to keep her son with her. Kai didn't think she could bear to part with her children, either. Kai made a mental note to tell Isolde again how much she appreciated her saving her with the Ashes and how she understood the woman more. Apparently, the darkspawn would be holding ballroom dances in the Deep Roads, Kai gave a mental snort.

Fergus and Oghren returned toting a couple of kegs, and Zev followed with a tray of wine, mugs, and... cookies. Kai laughed. It was all so wonderful, like old times, except they weren't stuck outdoors in tents. Everyone was here even if not in physical form.

"Come to the Fade in your dreams tonight, and I will show you physical," came Alistair's teasing voice. Letch, she told him, but his voice made her tingle with love.

Fergus and Oghren proceeded to pour mugs of ale or wine. Wynne snatched one mug of ale and pressed it into Kai's hands. When she raised an eyebrow in question, Wynne simply told her the hops in beer were good for milk for growing babies.

It was Morrigan who broke the silence. "I see you all staring at me, I am not blind. Nor am I a dream from the Fade. Yes, I have returned and yes, I mean to stay, so do not let your eyes linger over long, I will not be ogled," Morrigan spoke as Wynne handed her some wine.

"Since the swamp witch came back and helped the Warden, I have no problem with not squishing its head like a lemon. But I will keep an eye on it as it can apparently turn into a bird. If I see one feather, then squi-ssh," Shale growled from behind Fiona's chair. 

Sten merely touched Morrigan briefly on the head before Leliana bent down and wrapped her arms around Morrigan's neck and hugged her like she had hugged Sten. Morrigan's face registered annoyance, but her hand came up to pat one of the bard's arms encircling her neck.

"Oh, I am so glad we are all together again!" Leli wiggled with glee, causing Morrigan to roll her eyes and snort. Kai figured she should make introductions to Fergus who had not met the witch yet.

"Fergus, may I introduce a really good friend, Morrigan. If it weren't for her, I might not be sitting here, and not just because of yesterday, either. Morrigan, my brother Fergus." Kai pointed to her brother.

Fergus bent down to kiss Morrigan's hand. "Then I owe you a debt of gratitude for saving my little sister, dear lady."

"Did the witch actually blush?" Alistair's voice sounded incredulous. "Oh, my!" Kai merely laughed at him, but it was something to think about. Morrigan seemed at a loss for words or even for a dismissive motion, she simply nodded. Kai cast a sideways glance at Fergus and Morrigan, smiling to herself.

Kai was roused from her musings when Oghren's gruff voice broke the silence. "So, what are you going to name the little ankle biters, Warden?" Kai did a check with Alistair, and all he had to say was ‘perfect.’ "My son is Duncan Bryce Maric Theirin, and his sister, if this is okay with their grandmother, will be Fiona Eleanor Rowan Theirin." Kai looked at Fiona for confirmation.

"I would be honored," Fiona's voice broke as tears formed, but she was grinning from ear to ear.

"Well a toast, then, to the little pike twirler’s and the Warden's progeny!" And with that Oghren raised his mug, downed it and belched, wiping his face with his sleeve. Everyone looked at him for a moment and then laughed. “Cheers!” resounded across the hall, and they drank a toast to the newest members of the Theirin line.


	27. Teagan Troubles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do you do when you have a man who is interested in more than you can give? Well, Kai finds a possible solution, or has she? And what happens when you confess to your closest female friends you have been talking to your dead lover all along? And let’s just say a certain favorite ex-Crow we all know and love gets himself into trouble. Or is it that he never finds trouble, because it always knows right where he is? I hope you all continue to enjoy! : )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns all but what I made up.
> 
> Thanks so much for your support, reviews, putting me on favorites and bookmarking my stories. Please continue to tell me what you think, your feedback means a lot. And I am again sorry at the delay in chapters, darn that working for a living thing. : ) You are all the best.

Winter had come in with a howl and a flurry following Zev in from the Waking Sea, settling in on the twins' birth, and it was but one of many such storms that would keep them bound to the hunting lodge until almost all of the month of the Moon of Snow's Flowers had gone. It was both a blessing and a curse. It gave Kai and her extended family plenty of time with the new arrivals. Giving her, in particular, a chance to play “mommy” and bond with her little ones. Plus, Anora could do no mischief with all the snow. But the other side of that blade, the weather also meant Kai and her cohorts could do nothing to help the people of Ferelden by playing the Silver Griffon. So, they tried to make the best of the situation and enjoy each other's' company as they had in Winter during the Blight. They were able to forget, for a time, the dangerous world outside.

Kai put her time indoors to good use, getting back into shape by learning more of Zev's Antivan Crow skills and even honing those of Leliana's bard skills. She had plenty of time to improve her rogue skills and limber up her body again by teaching Zev the unarmed martial arts style she learned from a follower of the Qun who had visited Highever once. That and breastfeeding two babies with appetites like Alistair's made her almost as thin as she had been when she was in a coma for two weeks. This situation made Wynne nag at her to eat more, which was something that secretly pleased the mage.

Zev had made these training sessions of utmost importance, as she was the head of the growing new group of spies and assassins for Ferelden called “The Scath,” which meant “shadows” or “shades.” The group was meant to be spies like the bards of Orlais rather than killers like the Crows. Not that the bards were squeamish about killing, but the Crows were almost nothing but assassins. Zev had said that both talents were necessary, so he and Leliana trained the Scath recruits together, including those volunteers at the lodge who were stuck in the snow with them. Her title, as the leader, was Scathach, or “The Shadowy One.” When Zevran had proposed this, she had laughed and teased him that it was quite literary and poetic, and he had no reason to say she was the only one who ever read too much.

Some of the Scath had infiltrated the castle at Denerim as servants before the big storm, and its subsequent smaller sisters, had hit. Of course, they had had no word from these Scath, nor had they been able to get any word to them. So when the first Snowdrops thrust their green shoots through the snow, they knew that Spring was on its way.

When the weather had stayed sunny for a week with no overcast days, Zev had taken off for Denerim once again to check on the Scaths there. 

The rest of her group moved from the hunting lodge to Redcliffe. There they put Kai and the twins in Connor's old room, and Isolde even pulled out some of his old baby clothes, nappies, and toys. Staying at Redcliffe brought back all sorts of memories for Kai, including her last night making love with Alistair here before they had marched on Denerim to slay the Archdemon. Now that she thought of it, it was probably the night the twins were conceived. It was a painful place for her, and so she spent most of her time in the village, walking around with the twins, now three months old. The exception was “mommy's day off,” which gave Kai a little time out from being a mother. Kai protested this at first, but Wynne had said such time away was necessary. Truthfully, Kai had found it did help her keep her perspective when the twins woke her in the night.

This particular day, Teagan was visiting, as he seemed to do more and more lately. Kai really was going to have to find a way to let the man down easily, if she could, she had no desire to hurt him. He was a handsome man and a good man, and at times she was tempted. It was hard only seeing Alistair in the Fade, in her dreams. Not that dream sex wasn't wonderful, but it always left her real body achy when she was back on this plane. Teagan would make a good father, but he deserved more. He would expect to have someone who could give of themselves as he would give of himself, completely. Kai knew that wasn't possible for her, unfortunately, her reticence didn't seem to stop Teagan from trying.

They were walking around the lake together in companionable silence. Kai had stopped to watch the wind waking waves across the water. "Kai, “She sensed Teagan turning towards her, she thought to say something more but instead she found his hand cupping her cheek as he bent forward to place his lips on hers. She had a momentary sense of panic, when bless the Maker, they were interrupted by a female voice.

"My lady, Warden?" A pretty young blonde woman was calling to her. Teagan dropped his hand as if it were on fire and jumped guiltily, Kai just looked down a moment, trying not to let Teagan see her relief. 

The young woman looked familiar though it took her a moment to recognize her, it was Kaitlyn. Kai had looked for her little brother Bevin the day before one of the nightly attacks of undead on the village. She had found Bevin hiding in the closet in their home. He had wanted to use the family sword and fight, to be brave, but it was too big for him. Kai had convinced him to go back to Kaitlyn, and he had given her the key to a chest to fetch the sword. It was a fine blade, and Kai had paid Kaitlyn for it. She had thought Kaitlyn left Redcliffe to go to family in the city.

"Kaitlyn, how are you? I thought you had gone to Denerim", Kai hugged the young woman.

"I was going to, my lady, but Redcliffe is our home. Once you killed off the darkspawn, Bevin and I came back. We opened up a refinery here with the money you gave us. And because of you, we are now helping those in need under Anora's rule. I could do no less to honor your example," Kaitlyn beamed at her.

"Kai is quite the influence on us all it seems”, Teagan flashed a smile at Kai, before turning to Kaitlyn. "You look familiar, my lady, have we met?" Kaitlyn's eyes got very bright and she blushed, her cheeks getting more pink than the chill wind would account for.

"My brother and I were in the Chantry under your brave keeping, ser, when Redcliffe was being attacked." Kaitlyn held out her hand, and Teagan took it and brushed his lips over it. Kai noticed Kaitlyn blushed even more, and she seemed to be breathing faster.

"It seems, Bann Teagan, I am not the only one to make an impression." Kai smiled at Kaitlyn, who looked down at her toes.

"Bann Teagan was so brave and comforting in such a frightening time. Just seeing him there watching out for us made us feel safe when all the fighting was going on outside." Teagan blushed and looked flattered and embarrassed.

"I assure you, dear lady, it is Kai who deserves all your praise." Teagan looked to Kai again, but she was not letting him off the hook, t was perfectly obvious that Kaitlyn was enamored of Teagan. Kai felt a little together time with Kaitlyn was just what he needed.

"Teagan is far too modest. Why don't you come for supper at the castle tonight and bring Bevin?" Kai gave Kaitlyn a smile while plotting in her head to get Leliana to help her play matchmaker.

"I would love that, and Bevie would too," Kaitlyn stammered while looking at Teagan with unabashed adoration. Teagan smiled at Kaitlyn while Kai shot them a sideways glance.

"Perfect, come when the bells of the chantry ring five times. We shall have extra places set." Kai found herself almost being ignored as Kaitlyn looked at Teagan smiling.

"My lady, I look forward to it." Teagan again brushed Kaitlyn's hand with his lips before the poor blushing girl walked away, looking over her shoulder periodically.

"Well, we had better get to the castle to warn the cook that there will be two more for supper." Kai felt a small glow of satisfaction which was short lived, as Teagan turned her around and crushed his lips to hers. A small spurt of need rushed through her, but it was other lips she longed to have. He gently let go of her, then stepped back and offered her his arm. Oh, boy was all her mind could come up with. This might not be as easy as I thought it was going to be, Kai huffed to herself as they walked back to the castle.

When they arrived, Kai asked Teagan to tell the cook about their impending guests, all the while making desperate hand motions at Leliana. Blessings of Andraste, the motions were not caught by Oghren who would have made some embarrassing comment about them, drawing Teagan's attention to her actions.

Luckily, Oghren was playing a dwarven game that involved a board with little divots in it where players jumped little round rocks over the others to capture pieces and try and get to the other side of the board before their opponent did. Oghren had been trying to teach Sten and Shale the game. Shale kept trying to say the boulders should smash each other and had to be reminded not to crush the pieces between her fingers when she captured them.

The giant Qunari was sitting across from Oghren holding Fiona as her little face kept alternating between mimicking the giant’s serious features and gurgling coos at him while smiling. Sten kept tickling her tummy with a bronzed finger. He looked more interested in the baby than the game. Kai was reminded of the time when Leliana had caught Sten dangling a string for a kitten.  
"I knew it, Sten is a big old feather pillow on the inside!" Alistair's voice crowed with glee in her ear.

Luckily, Leliana caught Kai’s frantic motions; so did Wynne who was reading to Duncan as he sat on Morrigan's lap. All three women had looked up when Duncan's eyes lit on his mother. They must have thought she had seen an archdemon, the way their faces all registered concern. Teagan, who had been looking at her hopefully and longingly, finally left to go tell the cook of their guests.

Wynne moved to say something to Sten, nodding towards Kai and taking Fiona out of his lap, she walked towards Kai with Leli and Morrigan following, still holding Duncan. Kai waited until they had all returned to her room and shut the door before she started pacing back and forth running her fingers through her hair.

"Whatever is the matter with you, child?" Wynne asked as she took a squirming Duncan from Morrigan. "You look like a horde of darkspawn are on your tail."

Kai stopped pacing and looked at the three women before her. "Teagan kissed me!" Kai started pacing again.

"Oh, how wonderful!" Leliana smiled.

"No, Leli, it isn't wonderful, it’s awful," Kai shot back.

"Why ever would you say that, child?" Wynne looked at her with confusion. "It is about time, and he is a good man, and if he likes you...," Wynne let that trail off.

"It just isn't a good thing, Wynne, trust me. I...I can't be with Teagan." Kai felt even more horrified. She looked desperately at Morrigan.

"She can't be with Teagan because she still has Alistair," Morrigan stated calmly while keeping her golden eyes focused on Kai. Her pronouncement caused Leli and Wynne to looked at Morrigan as if she had grown another head.

Finally, it was Wynne who broke the silence, "What do you mean, she still has Alistair?" Wynne looked at the witch, raising an eyebrow. Morrigan's gaze never wavered from Kai's.

"She means I can talk to him, and I have been doing so since the day after the battle on top of Fort Drakon." Kai felt tears rolling down her cheeks. It was the squall of a hungry Fiona, who started her sibling crying as well, that broke the shocked silence in the room. Kai felt her body responding to their cries for food, so she immediately piled up pillows and sat on the bed. She fetched the two blankets rolled to support them as they fed from nearby. Wynne, obviously disturbed by the news, busied herself putting the twins in place. When they had been settled, she turned and grabbed a chair to sit facing Kai. Morrigan walked over and laid herself next to Kai on the bed, giving her support.

"I think you have some explaining to do, young lady." Wynne's voice was neutral like a mother who wants to yell at her child, but refrains from doing so only with extreme self-control.

"Uh oh, somebody's in trouble." Alistair's tone was like a little boy making fun of a sibling. Kai, whose body responded to feeding the twins by washing her in calm, did a mental smile. "Just don't mention how you jumped me. I know how you and Wynne like to make me blush," he admonished her. Kai wanted to laugh.

Kai found herself explaining about hearing him after she woke up, how close she came to being lost at the funeral and how it was his voice that had saved her. She told them of her visit to the Fade and all that had happened there, and how Andraste had told her of their two souls being made from one, that she had agreed to leave him only to save Ferelden once again and to give birth to their children.

It was here that Morrigan broke in, telling Wynne and Leli of Alistair’s visiting her in the Fade in her dreams, that he had known what Kai knew, he knew she intended to use the dagger to save the babes and sacrifice herself. And because of Alistair she’d known to come to Kai's side and do what she did. Morrigan looked at Kai and stroked her cheek. "So you see, she cannot be with Teagan, it would be unfair to the man."

"Well, that does answer some questions I had about your turning up when you did, Morrigan. It seemed very fortuitous. As to Alistair, you tell him thank you for saving you at the funeral. I wouldn't have wanted another Aneirin on my record. But why couldn't you tell us, young lady?" Wynne's voice sounded hurt.

"Oh, Wynne, Leli, I thought I might have been going mad. I didn't feel crazy, at least not crazy crazy, just crazy with grief. I wanted to hear him. I needed to hear him. It was the only thing that kept me going after his death. I felt as if my soul had been ripped in two." Kai pleaded with her to understand, tears of remorse falling down her cheeks. "And according to Andraste in the Fade, it had been." Kai looked down at her nursing children, Alistair's children. They were falling asleep, their little cheeks stopping then starting again as they woke briefly to suckle a little more.

"Oh Kai, of course you had to do what you did! This will make a wonderful ballad. A knight who sacrifices himself to save his lady love, and yet their love survives death! I can't wait to start writing it!" Leli just grinned at her, causing Morrigan to roll her eyes. 

Wynne got up from her chair and stroked Kai's hair before taking one sleeping twin and then the other, placing them on the bed between Kai and Morrigan."I understand, I would have done the same thing in your shoes. And I understand why you have been reluctant to return Teagan's affections. What can we do to help?” Wynne smiled at her.


	28. Bad News Travels Fast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was an emotional write for me. I love Ban Teagan, and I really had a war with myself about setting Kai up with him. But in the end, I couldn't be unfair to his character. There are so many good male characters in the game. Ban Teagan I do have a crush on, he reminds me of strawberry ice cream. So when I had Kai let him down as easy as she could, I felt like I was breaking up with him. To all you hens and stags out there that love Ban Teagan, I feel your pain. : )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns all but what I made up.
> 
> Thank you all for your continued support and reviews. I am so lucky to have such a following and such wonderful fans. : )  
> Forgive the lengthiness of this chapter. knew it was long, and I thought of chopping it up, but in the end decided to leave it. I hope it’s entertaining. And for those who slog through to the end, you know we have another exciting installment with our favorite Antivan heart breaker. Please let me know what you think, including if you think this was too long. Your opinions are important. : )
> 
> Blessings!

Kaitlyn and her little brother Bevin showed up promptly at five. Kaitlyn was wearing a very pretty dress and had obviously washed her hair with flower water, as it glowed in the candlelight and she smelled lovely. Kaitlyn's eyes were glowing too, when she looked at Teagan, which she did frequently. On the other hand, Teagan's eyes for the first half of the conversation before the meal seemed to be for Kai.

Kai kept moving from group to group and studiously avoided Teagan as much as she could without making it obvious. Luckily, she had Leliana aiding and abetting in getting Teagan and Kaitlyn together. Whenever Teagan would start to approach Kai, Leliana would call his attention back to herself and then smoothly back to Kaitlyn. Kai likened it to a dance. When Leli couldn't get his attention, Wynne would step in.

Poor Fiona, who had been making potions all day and had missed the conversation, was at first confused and then amused. At one point Wynne must have explained what was going on, since Fiona started to help if she could by engaging Teagan in conversation if he looked to be straying in Kai's direction.

When they retired to the hall to eat, Kai found herself far down the table while Teagan sat with Bevin on one side and Kaitlyn on the other. Leliana and Wynne sat with them. Kai had no idea what the conversation was, but Teagan seemed to enjoy talking to Bevin at least.

After dinner, the dance began again as Teagan kept trying to get Kai alone, and Leliana and Wynne found themselves working double time. It was Morrigan who came to her rescue and suggested Kai needed to go see to the twins. She flashed a grateful look at Morrigan and quietly excused herself to escape upstairs. Kai would have found the evening amusing if it hadn't been so exhausting.

"Who knew Teagan had it in him? No woman has ever been good enough. Just shows he has excellent taste," Alistair's voice sounded in her ear as she walked down the hallway to her room.

"Huh, you are no help at all. And you have been peculiarly quiet about the whole thing. I would almost wonder if you weren't considering having us get together." When Alistair's voice didn't sound back right away, Kai stopped dead in her tracks. "You weren't thinking that were you, were you?" she asked him, waiting for an answer while her heart beat painfully in her chest. She finished crossing to her room and shut herself away behind the sturdy door after the servant who had been watching the twins left."Really, Teagan, poor Teagan being stuck with a woman who will never love in the way he deserves? Is that what you would really want for the poor man, I thought you liked him, Alistair," Kai spoke into her own head.

"I do, and no, I know you will never love him, what you feel for him is respect and caring, but not love." Alistair's tone of voice was hard to read, as if he were hiding something, some deep thought.

"What are you thinking Alistair?"

"Could it turn into love? Couldn't it grow into love, later?"Alistair asked her.

Kai groaned, "I would have to have more of a foundation of real affection than I have for Teagan. Or would you rather we get together and make each other miserable when I can't give him what he wants? What he will expect, what he deserves to expect, Alistair. He will want more than I can give, and you only have to look to Loghain and Anora's mother to see how that kind of relationship works out for all involved. Added to that, Teagan will want, and should want, children of his own. I don't want anymore children, I have all the children I could ever want, from the only man I share my heart and soul with. They were more than I expected and more than I deserve. Now, if you can find me a man who will understand I cannot love him with all of my heart and soul, man who will not want children of his own, a man who will not love me with all of his heart and soul, so I won't feel guilty because we don't expect it of each other," Kai ticked off the list mentally. "Then sure, I will gladly bed that man if it will make you happy. Until then, my beloved, my heart, my soul, we will just have to keep meeting in my dreams until I slip this mortal shell and can be with you again. I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to Andraste's little game of 'Wicked Grace.'" She tried to give him a mental smile, but Alistair remained ominously silent. "Why this sudden urge to see me go to bed with someone? You know that is all it would be," she asked him.

"If that were all, my love, you would have no problem getting any man you crooked your finger at. But I know it has always been more than an act for you, your heart has to be in it as well." And then it was as if Alistair hit her in the head with a blacksmith’s hammer. "I don't want you to be lonely anymore."

"You don't want me to be lonely anymore? Who says I am lonely?" Kai protested. "I have good friends. Fergus is alive. I have our children. How can you say I am lonely?"

"I say you are lonely, because I feel what you feel, my love. I know you are." She heard the sadness in his voice, and it only made her angry.

"Then perhaps you should have let me be the one to die on top of Fort Drakon! I am not having this discussion with you, Alistair." He remained silent. Kai wanted nothing more than to throw something across the room, but knowing she’d wake a set of sleeping twins stopped her.

Kai found herself another servant to watch the twins and decided to go outside and practice with throwing daggers. She stepped out into the cold night air. The ground still had snow drifts in places, especially in corners. Her footsteps crunched across the yard as the frost on the gravel broke. She toed the line, started lining up her target, aimed and let her blade fly. She threw slowly at first and then increased her speed as if tossing the blades might stop her thoughts. It was when she went to pick out the daggers from the target dummy that she realized someone was standing there. It was Teagan. Not the person she really wanted to see when she was so emotionally raw.

"My lady, isn't it a little cold out here for target practice?" He walked towards her with a smile, holding a cloak. She went to take it from him to find he had stepped up close, facing her, and was wrapping it around her shoulders as his lips once again found hers. She stepped back, her face flaming. Kai had never before felt this awkward. She wanted to keep Teagan as a friend; he was a good man. She ventured a look at him and saw his hurt and confused expression. "You are still in love with Alistair." He made it a statement, not a question. Kai bit her lip and gave a slight nod. "And time will not lessen that." Again a statement, not a question. He turned to go, and she could see the hurt in his shoulders. 

"Bann Teagan, wait," Kai begged him.

"To what end, dear lady?" Teagan's voice was so soft. Kai grabbed his hand and drug him inside where they could at least be warm while she tried to explain. She had killed darkspawn, she had faced a broodmother, she had faced the Archdemon, she had watched Alistair die.. This shouldn't be any harder right?

Kai sat him down on a bench in the ante room leading from the courtyard. She took a deep breath and told him about what had happened to her when she had been poisoned and comatose. She told him of the Fade and what happened there. She told him of her heartrending choice to come back. She told him about Andraste and Alistair. "Don't you see? You are such a good man, a deserving man. I can't give you what you need, being with me would be a ruin for you." Kai felt tears coursing down her cheeks. Why must her every action have to be so damn important to someone? She felt the familiar guilt, that all her ways seemed to lead to death and or destruction. Here she was hurting a perfectly good man. What by Andraste's flaming sword was she supposed to do?

She turned away from Teagan and tried to choke back a sob, and dammit Alistair was right – she was so lonely. She just wasn’t lonely enough to mess up both their lives. He turned her back to face him and lifted her chin. He smiled, a sad smile, but a smile, "Sweet lady, why do you turn yourself inside out so? You have to be one of the most generous, strongest women I know. But you do take too much on yourself." He brushed away her tears and kissed her on the forehead. 

They went back into the hall. Wynne cocked an eyebrow at Kai, and she just shook her head. She tried to keep up a brave front for a while, but even that just tired her out. Finally, she bid everyone a good night and made her way back to her room. She let the servant go and got into a shift, ready for bed. The twins stirred. First, Fiona looked at her and smiled while chewing on a tiny fist. Then, Duncan woke wanting to know what all the excitement was about. She just stroked their cheeks and cooed at them. Unfortunately, she found herself crying in great choking gasps, and the twins decided to join in.That was how Fiona's namesake found her. She came in and put a hand on Kai's back and stroked it while simultaneously patting first one child, then the other.

"Mi’ gra, my love, I know you are mad at me, but please don't cry," Alistair's voice spoke to her in a soothing tone.

"I am not mad at you. Okay, I am, but only for being right."

"Oh, I should have Andraste mark this moment down, it's historical. ‘am right! Probably won't happen again though, never fear." His voice held laughter.

"Hah, very hah," she grumbled at him.

Finally, Kai and the twins quieted, and the babies wanted to be fed. Fiona helped her get situated to feed them. When they were settled and sitting quietly, each of them lost to her own thoughts, it was Fiona who broke the silence. "Kai, I...Wynne told me that you and my son, you and Alistair, are connected?" Fiona blushed and looked down at the bed.

"Fiona, I am so sorry, I should have told you...," Kai began, but Fiona interrupted her with a quick hand on her arm and a shaking of her head.

"You don't have to be sorry. We have hardly begun to get to know each other. I just, well..."Fiona flushed and looked at her grandchildren. Tears formed in her eyes. "I was just wondering if you could let him know – the next time you, well, the next time you two talk – how much I loved him. How much I love him now and how giving him up was the hardest thing I ever did. Ask him if he can ever forgive me." Fiona just looked at Kai with tears slipping down her cheeks.

"Of course I forgive her, tell her that was never in question. It was worth it if for no other reason than finding out that harpy Goldana isn't related to me after all," Alistair joked.

"Shall I say the part about Goldana then, my love?" Kai teased him back.

"Maker, don't you dare woman, or I shall tickle you senseless in your dreams!" Alistair's sounded horrified.

Kai smiled at Fiona. “His forgiveness was never in doubt, dear lady. One thing you should know about your son, he is one of the most forgiving souls to ever live." Fiona put her hand to her mouth to stifle a half laugh half sob, before moving the twins. Once they were burped, changed, and back to sleep, Kai patted the bed next to her. "You know we never did have that chat about Alistair. Would you like to know the man he became?" Fiona nodded and lay down next to Kai, putting her hands across the twins and patting their bellies.

Kai and Fiona talked long into the night. She told Fiona all the stories, starting from when she met Alistair. She let her hold the rose he had given her. There were laughter and tears on both sides until they were both nodding off. Fiona thanked her and kissed her before going to her own room. And Kai lay down to sleep.

She found herself in the Hall of Highever, where she had sat talking to Andraste. She felt Alistair grab her hand and she turned, her lips seeking his as they always did. Ah, this is bliss, she thought as she wrapped her legs around him. "So the hall in Highever? Not the forest glade or the waterfall or any of our usual places? Feeling like you want to take a chance on someone’s seeing us? I'm game." She pressed her lips to his, nipping and licking. It took her a moment to realize he wasn't responding the way he usually did.

"Kai, about earlier, with Teagan," he spoke against her lips as his hands roamed her body. Even though he was trying to make this a conversation, he was having trouble with it. She wanted to laugh.

"Enough about that, I hurt the man, I am not proud of that. And I am with the one I want to be with right now. And how long before I get woken up by the twins, or someone else?" She started taking off her shirt letting her naked breasts brush against the thin shirt he had on.

"You are not making this easy, Kai, really I want to talk to you." He was half kissing her and half stroking her naked skin.

"Talk is cheap, we can talk when I get back to the physical world, right now I want you naked." She ripped at the thin fabric of his shirt and nibbled on his earlobe, pleased when she got low grumbling moan.

"No, I need to talk to you." He grabbed her chin and made her look at him. "I need to get this out now or I may never get it out. I think you should sleep with Zevran." He flushed but continued to look at her.

"Um, come again?" Kai couldn't believe what he was saying. "You want me to sleep with Zev, the Antivan assassin, the bloke you didn't want to take along after he attacked us? The one you got pissy about, the gent you had your knickers in a twist over because he flirted too much, that guy? I just want to make sure that it isn't some other Zevran we are talking about." Kai felt her cheeks turning pink and her temper rising. "Why in the bloody hell would you suggest such a thing, are you mad, what has gotten into you? What is this need to see me shagging someone? Have you developed a penchant for watching?" Kai just stared at him. Alistair flushed harder, but he didn't look away.

"What is this place?", he asked her in a serious tone.

"It is the sodding Fade, is what this is. What does that have to do with anything?" The angrier she got, the more her language skills deteriorated. She was glad her mother wasn't here, well for that, and the fact she was half naked. Part of her wanted to giggle, while the other part remained shocked and angry.

He set her down and walked her to the window and made her look out, pointing to the sky. In it the Black City was visible as it always was in the dream side of the Fade. "This is a dream, Kai. It isn't the Fade beyond the Black City where your parents and I dwell, this is a dream, and what we do here is wonderful, but it isn't real. You know this, you feel this, you know what the Fade in death feels like, the more you are there, the more real it is, because it is a real place. But you’re back in the physical world, it doesn't do to live in the world of dreams, my love. You have a real life, and you promised to live it. Living means fulfilling all the physical needs, including companionship." He turned her around and brushed his fingers against the side of her face, giving her his lopsided smile before continuing in a rush, "What we have, beloved, no one can touch or come close to, you’re right in that. You asked me if I could find you a man who would not be hurt that you could not love him the way you love me. Zev loves his Rinna, and you love me, and you both love each other."

"Yes, I love Zev, but...."

Alistair bent his lips to hers. "I am not threatened by your love for Zev, it is the love of a really dear friend. And has he not proven his love for you in the same way? He stayed, when he could have left, maybe even should have left, The Crows may be searching for him still, but he overrides his own instincts for survival to stay with you. He kept my body from being dressed up as a Cailan look-alike. He has done everything for you Kai, because you are his only true friend." He kissed her, "You have a long physical life ahead of you, remember, promise me you will think on it? I want you to be happy and fulfilled before you come back to me in the Fade beyond the Black City. I don’t want you bitter because of loneliness. I love you more than anything, and your happiness is most important to me." He started nibbling on her earlobe.

"I will think on it”, His lips were moving down her throat. She startled when a thought hit her, "You aren't going away are you, you are still going to talk to me, to meet me here?" For a moment she thought her heart would fly out of her throat. He simply brushed her hair away from her face and smiled that smile of his.

"You don't think I could do that to you, do you, or myself, miss out on our children through your eyes, Or miss out on this?" He started nibbling her neck again while his hands roamed across her breasts, causing her to arch against him. "This may be just a dream, but it is a damn good one." His mouth claimed hers again as he picked her up to carry her to the couch. At just that moment, someone started knocking on the front gate. Kai tried to ignore the knocking again as Alistair's mouth was wandering in wonderful ways across her torso, but it didn't stop.

"Andraste's holy knickers, come in!" She woke herself up by shouting in her dream again. "Sod it!" she pounded her pillow in frustration. Now she needed to go dunk herself in Lake Calenhad. "Nug humping bastard, you are lucky you didn't wake the babies," Kai grumbled under breath. A servant stuck her head in the door.

"Um, my lady. I hate to wake you, but you have an impor...."

"Let me guess, an important visitor? Yes, they only seem to come in the wee hours of the morning and interrupt dreams," Kai groused.

"Especially dreams where people are about to lick lampposts in Winter," came Alistair's cheeky retort. She gave him a rueful mental laugh.

"I will be down in a few minutes. Would you get Wynne to come and stay with the twins, please?" The servant only nodded and closed the door again. 

She looked over to the bed as she got dressed looking not at the twins, but at where Zev would usually be. She missed him and wondered what he would say to all of this. She had to admit that his physical presence was a great comfort, he would have gotten dressed and shadowed her, protecting her, supporting her. Add to everything else the fact that even with all the usual sexual flirting, Zev had never really been anything but tender and caring towards her. She was going to have to do some uncomfortable, heavy thinking. Because of Alistair, part of her soul was in the Fade, and it was hard to reconcile the two planes, throw in the dream plane, and it was like trying to juggle three shelled-boiled eggs.

Wynne showed up in a robe and bleary eyed. "We have a visitor, apparently, that I need to see. Would you mind watching the twins?" Kai hugged Wynne.

"No, of course not, child. I got Morrigan and Leli up so that you would have some protection since Zev isn't here to supply it. They are waiting in the hallway." Wynne smiled and brushed her hair back before lying on the bed next to the twins.

Kai made her way into the corridor after she dressed in a tunic, leggings and boots. Morrigan looked alert and wide awake. Leli looked a like a little girl, her hair still rumpled on one side and eyes blurry with sleep. Kai knew that was a facade, the bard had used that trick before on unwary enemies. Kai smiled at them both, and they all turned and walked down the hallway to the great hall.

When they entered, it was to find one of the Scath recruits, a platinum blonde with a pixie cut and big blue eyes. Take her out of the unrelieved black leathers and put her in a dress, and she would have looked like any wholesome milk maid or simple castle servant, not anything like the killer and spy she was. In fact, servant was the role she had been playing in Denerim. Kai remembered her name as Lelyth.

Lelyth turned towards her and came forward to grab Kai's forearm in a warrior's grasp which Kai returned. "So, what news, with the storms, we figured you all were continuing to gather intel and waiting for a break."

"Indeed we were, Scathach, and Zevran arrived to gather what we had and make new plans if needed." Lelyth looked uncomfortable. Kai sensed the next news she was about to hear was not going to be good. Her instincts were screaming at her that it had something to do with Zev. She kept her face neutral.

"Go on, Lelyth." Kai watched the spy's features become shadowed.

"Zevran received a message the night he was going to return here. He wouldn't say what it was. He just told us our assignments and then he put the parchment in his shirt and armed himself. As he was leaving I..." Lelyth looked ashamed, and blushed.

"What did you do, Lelyth?" Kai was having a harder time keeping her face and voice neutral. Everything inside her was screaming, Not right!

"I picked his pocket, Scathach. I know that was wrong, but he acted so strangely. I retrieved the note, and this." Lelyth put a jeweled earring in her hand along with a piece of parchment. Kai opened it up to read:  
The Crows send their regards,  
We need to have a chat, Zevran Arainai, about so many things, do we not? Gnawed Noble Tavern, back room on the left.  
Come alone.  
Master Vimaro  
Kai felt her face go pale, and she ignored the urge to crumple the note in her fist and throw the earring across the room at the wall. Stupid Zev, stupid, stupid, stupid, You let your emotions over-rule your brains. Kai recognized the earring, Zev had its mate, it was his Rinna's.

Leliana broke into her internal tirade. "What is it, what’s wrong?”

"Zev has been taken by the Crows."


	29. Looking for Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Kai has to go and look for her frisky, Antivan troublemaker., there is no way Kai is just going to leave him to the Crows. So, on with the show!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns all but what I made up.
> 
> Sorry about the late posting. I made it on Monday...sorta. We had major tech issues at work and I couldn't post when i wanted. I hope you'll forgive me.
> 
> Thank you for the kudos! I really appreciate it more than I can say. And they really help drive the demons of self doubt away. I've been having a lot of trouble with them lately.
> 
> Blessings

Kai had been spurred into action. She sent Lelyth back to Denerim after she had rested. The poor girl and her Ceffyl had ridden all night to Redcliffe as soon as Zev had left and she had read the note. Not only was she to go back to her assignment but to inform the rest of the Scath to be ready should they be called. Her mind had been going more swiftly than an arrow, planning what and who she would need for this journey. The “who” would have to be completely voluntary. So, Kai had the servant who had woken her wake all of her compatriots up and have them meet her in the great hall.

Morrigan and Leliana just watched her pace, rereading the parchment as if it would give her more information. Kai knew it wouldn't but she couldn't help it. She also preferred to stay angry at the foolish elf, because underneath she felt fear, and a whole lot of it too. Sten, Oghren, Shale, Argus, and Wynne walked into the room, followed by Eamon and Teagan. Kai groaned inwardly. She was hoping to avoid a confrontation with Eamon, who no doubt would argue against her going. But, she kept her face neutral and turned to address all of them.

"Zevran has been taken by The Crows. I intend to find him," Kai swallowed and clenched her fist, "alive or dead. I am hoping alive, of course. He was taken in Denerim, and I only have this note for him to meet someone in a room in the Gnawed Noble Tavern." Kai looked them each in the face before she began again. "I am going, there is no argument that will sway me." She held up a hand to Eamon whose mouth had started to open. "But I could use help. We have fought together, and you have all stayed by my side, I could not ask for better friends. I know you consider me the leader, but I am not telling you that you have to go. I am, however, asking, one friend to another. But if you feel that putting your lives on the line for Zev is too much, I understand. There will be no shame, no recriminations, no guilt. This is for me to do." Kai fell silent and let them think on it.

"You are really going to do this?" Alistair asked in her ear.

"Hey, you are the one who wants me to sleep with him remember?" Kai tried to make her query light, even though her throat wanted to close up, her heart was banging in her chest, and her stomach felt like ice. "I can't very well sleep with him if he is dead, now can I?"

"Ha, very ha," Alistair's voice sounded scared too. "I know nothing I say will sway you anyway. You are the most pig-headed woman in all of Thedas."

"I prefer ‘implacable,’ remember?" She gave him a mental smile.

"Just, please be careful. I know you can handle yourself, but you are a mother," Alistair's voice admonished.

"Yes, I am quite aware I am a mother, since I am the one who went through about twenty-three hours of sweating and pushing and almost dying. That is something really hard to forget." Kai retorted back. She felt him sigh, so she relented. "I know, my beloved, but Zev would not leave me. Can I do any less for him? For any of them?"

"You being you, no. Just please keep our babies in mind, no pulling any of your usual crazy death defying stunts like going comatose, okay?" Alistair's voice teased her.

It was Shale who broke into Kai's internal conversation. "Since the painted elf has never turned into a bird or shown any inclination towards the feathered fiends, then I will go."

"Oh, I suppose that means if ever I were in trouble, the great stone statue would leave me to dangle?" Morrigan asked the golem with a wry smile. "Well, ‘tis no matter. I too will be going."

Sten merely watched their exchange with a slight hint of amusement on his otherwise immobile features before turning to her. "I hear there is a bakery finally running again in Denerim. I wish to sample its cookies." And then he shrugged.

"Did Sten just try and make a funny?" Alistair's voice asked with laughter. "Oh my, hanging out with you lot is totally ruining him!" Kai gave a mental snort.

"I don't care about the pointed eared, poncing git, Warden, I am just going for the beer. I hear the Gnawed Noble Tavern has some really fine stout. I’ve been meaning to try it out," Oghren clapped Kai on the back.

"I think we have figured out with who our giant friend has been spending too much time," Alistair quipped to her.

"With whom, dearest, with whom." Kai corrected him in her head.

"With whom, meh meh meh," Alistair's voice said sarcastically back. Kai laughed.

Kai looked at Leli and Wynne, the only two who hadn't spoken up. Leliana smiled, "I didn't think I had to say anything, you know I am going. Saving Zev and shoe shopping, what more could a girl ask for?"

"Yes, well I can't go shoe shopping with you unless I am in disguise. Anora thinks I am dead, I mean to keep it that way for a while longer." Kai smiled at the redhead. "In fact a disguise will be necessary."

"You could go as a dwarf." Oghren joked.

"Thanks Oghren, but unless we cut off my legs, then I am a little tall to pass as one," Kai laughed back at him.

"An old woman," Wynne broke in. "We can dust your hair with flour, make it whiter. Carefully drawn on wrinkles, even a pebble in your shoe to give you a limp. Plus a small pillow tied around your middle will make you look fatter." Wynne just smiled when they all turned to stare at her in amazement. "What, you all don't think I’ve picked up things here and there at my age?" Wynne chuckled. "And since I am the one to come up with the idea, I guess I had better go."

Argus gave a loud "woof!" before bouncing around in front of Kai.

Kai patted him on the head and smiled. "Thanks, boy, I didn't just want to assume you would go too."

"All right then, we need to pack, and Eamon," Kai turned to the, so far, silent Arl, "We need to use the safe house close to Denerim if we can.”

It was Teagan who spoke, "I will ride ahead right now, dear lady, to let them know you are coming." Teagan bowed and left the room to going towards the stables.

"Eamon, may I ask that you and Lady Isolde bring the twins to the safe house? I know that you were due to go to Denerim in a day for your monthly meeting with the other arls, banns, teyrns and Anora." Kai kept her face neutral; she didn't want to give Eamon an opening to start a protest. "Also, we need a wet nurse, just in case."

Eamon looked furious, worried and resigned all at the same time. "Yes, dear lady. Of course." He simply continued to look at her. "But...."

"But nothing Eamon. I hate to pull rank, but technically even though I am 'dead', I outrank you. I am still a Cousland. And Eamon, if I should fall, I expect you to take the twins to their uncle Fergus. No sending them to the Chantry, is that understood?" She smiled to take some of the sting out of her words. 

"You will not fall." Eamon made it sound like a command, though he tried to smile.

"I am a practical woman, Eamon. And a realist." Kai smiled again. "Well folks, let’s go find us an Antivan troublemaker. Get packed and meet me down here. We ride to the safe house and then Denerim."


	30. Dubious Dates & Strange Bedfellows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai and Oghren spend a day at the Gnawed Noble tracking everyone's favorite Crow assassin. Will they find a trace of their Antivan troublemaker?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the lateness in this posting. The busyness of the holidays and I caught a terrible upper respiratory infection that I'm still getting over. I feel terribly guilty and I do hope you'll forgive me. 
> 
> Thank you all for the comments and the support. I hope you had wonderful holidays yourselves.
> 
> Bright Blessings!

Kai slouched down on the bar stool in the Gnawed Noble Tavern trying to act like a drunk old woman. Wynne's ideas had worked, except for the pebble in her shoe – that had driven her buggy inside of a minute. She did however chew on the small onions she carried with her so her breath was fragrant and tended to keep people at a distance. This ploy was so they wouldn't notice that the holes where teeth should be were actually not holes, but black wax over perfectly good teeth. Leliana’s love of makeup didn't just extend to enhancing one's beauty, but also came in handy in drawing on wrinkles and moles. By the time they got done with her, she looked gap-toothed, ugly and old. With the makeup, a ratty old dress and holey shoes, not even her own mother would have recognized her.

Kai and Oghren sat “drinking” on their bar stools next to each other. Kai was fake hitting on Oghren and was trying to fake drink, occasionally dribbling most of a mouthful down her front, adding to the wonderful aroma that already surrounded her, while really only drinking a sip. Oghren, whose tolerance was higher, actually managed to drink, and was still sober. Or rather, sober enough.

They were being careful, as they didn't know who from the Crows might be watching the Gnawed Noble Tavern or the room in question to see who might show up. The Crows were not known for being all soft and fuzzy. They had a penchant for torture, even to test new recruits.

Everyone talked under torture, everyone, though it was very unreliable as a source of information. Especially when practiced on someone like Zev who’d had it practiced on him from an early age and had been trained to fight it.He knew to tell lies until the pain became unbearable, spilling the truth. By then, a person’s capturers wouldn't know which was which. Add to that, someone trained to fight torture would make getting information a long and time consuming process. Still, Kai didn't know what they might have gotten from him or what questions, if any, this Master Vimaro might have been asking or even on what topics. For all Kai knew, Vimaro had just killed Zev outright for daring to leave the Crows, the thought made her heart hurt.

Master Vimaro was the nasty piece of work who had sent Zevran and his fellow Crows, Taliesen and Rinna, on the job before Zev's job for Loghain in Ferelden. His Rinna was the only woman he ever loved, in complete disregard of his training as an assassin. It was the job that led to his Rinna’s dying at Taliesin’s hands for a betrayal she had not committed. Zev watched while Taliesen slit her throat and mocked her, he said, mocked her while she pleaded her innocence and told him of her love for him. He believed the lies about her, he thought she had betrayed not only the Crows, but him, as life had so often betrayed him. When Zev and Taliesen completed the mission, they found that Rinna had indeed been telling the truth. Zev had gone to Master Vimaro and confronted him, told him that Rinna was not a traitor after all. According to what Zev told her, Master Vimaro knew Rinna was not a traitor and didn't care. He told Zev he didn't matter, either, just a tool to be used, they, he, all of them were irrelevant. It was then that Zevran signed on for the suicide mission of killing the last Grey Wardens in Ferelden for Loghain. Zev confessed to her he had not expected to survive. It was his way of punishing himself for Rinna.

That Zev could love after all the torture and beatings and the training to make him a cold-blooded killer had only cemented Kai's belief that she’d at least done one thing right when she had spared Zevran and brought him into her group. For Zev to be so strong after all he had been through in his childhood in the whorehouse and after being sold into slavery to the Crows, a man with that kind of heart surely made the world a better place, despite his ability to kill. Maker, if she had caused nothing but death and destruction with her decisions, this had to be one of the few good things she had brought to the world.

She remembered his telling her Rinna’s story, and his part in it, after killing Taliesen in a Denerim back alley. The same back alley where Zev's true test of loyalty had taken place. Taliesen offered Zevran his place back with the Crows. Kai remembered her cheeky answer at the time, "That would, of course, mean I would have to be dead." She didn’t know what Zev's answer was going to be then, truth be told. She’d gotten to know him, found out what he liked, given him presents, little tokens, as she’d done for all in their party. And simply because she enjoyed seeing their faces when she did, it was one of her joys in a horrible situation. He’d accepted and enjoyed her gifts just like the others seemed to, he had made plenty of sexual innuendos, and even tried seduction. He’d even acted disappointed when she refused his offer of sex to just be his friend.

Kai always wondered if the seduction was only part of a plan to later kill her and get back in with the Crows. He’d been hard to read, always kept something back, something hidden from her. He was a killer who was jovial, lighthearted and said he took life as it presented itself, asking for nothing more. She thought he might accept life’s presenting him with a way back to his beloved Antiva and the only career that he could see himself pursuing right there in that ally by siding with Taliesen.

She remembered well her surprise at his response to Taliesen, "I am afraid that is not going to happen." She was swamped with the relief that had washed over her at those words, her faith in that one crucial decision to spare him...justified. It was one of the foundations that had kept her from jumping off the nearest cliff when she seemed to have brought nothing but ruin to everything she touched while trying to fix it, that and her love of Alistair. These two men kept her sane when the world was going into madness and she had wanted to go with it.

And then came the real surprise. After Taliesin's defeat, he told her his story and showed her the earring, Rinna's earring. He asked her if his duty was done now, if she would release him, the Crows would think him dead. She’d given him permission to go, but she’d asked him to stay to help her, to stay as a friend. Kai didn’t tell him how much she loved him as a friend, she didn’t want to pressure him into staying out of obligation, to her, or to stopping the Blight. He’d never had much choice in life, and she was determined not to take away his freedom to choose when she’d given him his freedom in this matter.She’d watched his face then, keeping hers neutral, hiding her sadness and fear that he would walk away. But he agreed to stay, making a flippant remark as always.

She’d never told him how his story broke her heart, how she’d cried for him and his Rinna in camp during watch alone, cried because he never had. He buried his pain just as she buried her pain for her parents and her brother, buried her tears for Duncan and Cailan and Alistair's hurt over their deaths at Ostagar and Loghain's betrayal. All of these things hidden because she was the leader, and she’d so much to do. But for Zev, she allowed herself to mourn, for a friend, mourning was allowed. For herself, it would have been wallowing in self pity, or so she told herself; it was just easier to mourn someone else's losses than to mourn her own.

So here she was, back in Denerim, sitting on a hard and uncomfortable bar stool, reeking of body odor, onions, and beer, slouching so much her back hurt and pretending to seduce Oghren so they would have an excuse to rent the back left room. She was hoping and praying to the Maker that Zev was still alive, praying that this time the Crows didn't succeed in breaking him just as they had not been able to do before. She felt fear clawing in her gut that Zev would assume no one knew about the letter, and therefore he had not left any clues, that he might be thinking no one would know where to go or how to start looking for him.

Luckily, Cyril, the barkeep and owner of the Gnawed Noble, and a friend and ally since the Blight, was rendering them aid once more. He had made discreet orders to keep that left room free until Kai and Oghren felt it safe enough to make their move. Cyril had also made sure to help Kai look as though she had been drinking copious amounts of beer. Cyril was used to playing a part in Kai's schemes, even helping them escape Loghain's men through a secret passage in the tavern. Cyril knew the role he was playing and he picked up on his cue sliding down to their end of the bar wiping down the wood with a rag as Kai pitched her voice high.

"Come on, deary, give us a whirl. You are such a muscular strapping fella' and I love that beard. I bet it can tickle in just the right places," Kai cackled at Oghren. "We could take our beer to a more private place, and you can show me how your height can give a human girl a good time standing up!" She slapped him on the back hard enough to make his beer tankard slosh.

"Well lady, you do have a nice rump roast. Let’s go put some sauce on it." Oghren chucked her under the chin with a knuckle of his finger, making her teeth clank together and causing her to roll her eyes. He slapped coins on the bar for the beers and leaned over to Cyril barkeep, "Listen, I got a date, and I’m feelin' kinda anxious, if you know what I mean. I need a room. Back room would be best, I have a feelin' she's a screamer." Oghren winked at the barkeep and smiled while he put more coins on the wood next to the others, including a couple extra as a tip.

Cyril cocked an incredulous eyebrow while putting a key on the bar. "Last on the left is as far as you can get." And when Oghren started to hop off the stool, Cyril playing his part, grabbed Oghren's arm. "Are you sure, mate, you really want to...well...um...have a date with her? The Pearl has...well...less pungent and younger companions."

Oghren squinted at Kai. "She reminds me of my mother. Heh, heh, heh, HAH, HAH!" Cyril's eyebrows shot up, and he grinned. Cyril's assistant barkeep, sweeper, and odd jobs person, a young thin young man with the unfortunate nickname of "Stump", just blanched and shook his head. Kai hooked her arm in over Oghren's shoulders while he put his around her waist and pinched her arse. It took everything Kai had to laugh and playfully swat at his hand instead of pouring her mug over his head. They made their way down the hall slowly, weaving like two drunks until they got to the last room on the left. Oghren took out the key, fumbling with it a few times as if he was having trouble finding the keyhole. Kai giggled and cackled and made lewd remarks for effect.

"I hope you don't have trouble finding other openings, deary!" Kai was starting to worry that Oghren really was that drunk. They had been at it all day, scoping the place out, keeping an eye out for any overly curious people. Finally, Maker be praised, Oghren got the key in the lock and opened the door. They went inside and locked it behind them.

The room Kai remembered well. She had done a theft job for Slim Coudry here. It had one little sitting room and then the large bedroom in the back. The sitting room was furnished with a desk, bookcase and couches. The bedroom held an armoire, several chests and a bathtub. "Well, Warden, where do we start lookin’?" Oghren's voice was stone cold sober. Kai just shook her head in amazement.

"Why don't you start in here. I'll check the bedroom." Kai left Oghren to his search and entered the bedroom. She started by looking in the armoire and the chests, even though she knew the Crows would have left nothing behind in any obvious places. But, she wanted to leave no stone unturned.

Kai heard Oghren come in. "Warden, I found this book." He handed it to her. Kai recognized it immediately. It was the little leather bound copy of The Black Fox she had given Zev as a present at Winter Solstice. He had told her of how he had taught himself to read and write as a child in the whorehouse. How he would steal books off the men who came there and put them back before they left. How, because of that, he had trained his mind to remember every word he read as if he were looking at the page. This was one of his favorite stories; when she had given it to him, his face had lit up. She had inscribed the fly leaf page:

Zev,  
My best friend, and cohort. May the adventures of the 'Silver Griffon' be written of as well one day. I am grateful every morning when I wake and every night before I go to sleep that you decided to stay.  
Thank you, you are a blessing.  
Kai

"Where was it Oghren?" Kai's hand shook as she held it.

"It was slipped into the bookshelf, like all the other books. I only found it because there was sodding nothing else as a clue in there, so I started looking at the bookshelf. All the books were standing upright and but this one was lying on top of the others and slightly out. Not so much you would notice. But I thought it looked familiar. This is the book you gave him at Solstice, right?" Kai nodded. "The gold leaf and blue cover I remembered."

Kai handed the book back to Oghren to hold. Her eyes searched the room. There had to be something else here. Zev left the book on purpose. He knew they would come looking after all. Kai decided to search the bed. The cover was clean, it was made up. She felt under the mattress, nothing. Sod it! she huffed to herself. She then started to run her hand between the headboard and the mattress. It was while doing so that she saw a raw spot on the wood of the bedpost as if someone had been shackled there and what looked like a drops of dried blood. Her heart started to pound in her ears and her stomach felt queasy. Oh Zev! When she pulled her hand away to get off the bed she noticed it was dusted with flakes of dried blood where she had been holding on to the bedpost. But that wouldn't make any sense. Blood wouldn't be high on the post like that. It should be where the shackle was. Kai got back on the mattress and looked more closely at the bedpost.

"Oghren, grab a quill, ink and parchment from the desk and bring it in here! And hurry!" Kai looked at the post and was able to make out letters and numbers written in blood. They were a little hard to read at first, but Kai figured them out. Oghren readied the quill and parchment. "TBF. 10,12,3. 23,5,6. 37,2,8. Did you get that?"

Oghren dutifully repeated the code back to her. "But what in the nug humping universe does it mean, Warden?"

Kai grabbed the book from next to Oghren. “It is a simple cypher Zev told me about once. TBF is The Black Fox. The numbers correspond to pages, paragraphs, and words in those paragraphs.”

Kai scrabbled to find the pages, the paragraphs, and the words. "Oghren write this down, blood.’” Kai flipped more pages, "sorcerer" and again she turned the pages, the paper smooth under her fingertip as she used it to scan the last page, "hideout." The Crows had apparently taken over that abandoned warehouse the blood mages used to live in, before she and her compatriots had killed them all. Zev, we are on our way, my friend, please hold on, Kai prayed."I think our 'date' is over Oghren. Time to get back to the others and call the Scath. We have a friend to rescue."


	31. Chasing Zev

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So join Kai for yet more adventure to try and save our beloved Antivan flirt. I hope you continue to enjoy. : )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns all but what I made up. : )
> 
> Thank you for all the love, your comments, your kudos, and your precious time. I know how valuable it is and I really am flattered that you choose to spend some of that finite resource reading my writings.
> 
> Bright Blessings!

Kai and her group made their way into the innocuous looking building. It survived the hordes of darkspawn, like many of the back alley areas, apparently with an archdemon's intelligence to guide them, the darkspawn didn't bother with inconsequential locations. Otherwise, they were like locusts, mindless destroyers.  
The building looked much as she remembered it, like an occupied home, and it probably was. The last time she was here, children's toys littered the floor, but it looked to be occupied only by adults this time. Kai had some Scath hanging out in civilian clothes keeping an eye on the doorway to this building and on the rooftops out front, and since Kai had the advantage of having been here before, she left Scath on rooftops and around the back alley exit at the end of the labyrinthine maze of rooms.  
Kai went to the bookcase which slid back to reveal a hidden doorway leading to a staircase down. She wasn't sure how many Crows from Master Vimaro's cell were here from Antiva, so she thought it best to be cautious. Some of the Scath who were rogues went first, insisting that the leader should not put herself into danger unless absolutely necessary. Kai wanted to protest, after all she was a Grey Warden who had survived the Blight and the horde, but they would not hear of it, Eamon and Teagan must have spoken to them, blast it!  
"It is just as well, my love. I know I would have, if I thought you would relay the message," Alistair's voice contained a hint of sarcasm. Kai gave a mental snort, she was hardly defenseless. "Be that as it may, I would not have you join me in the Fade before the twins are at least old enough to take care of themselves," he admonished her, "As much as I miss you." Kai gave him a mental chuckle.  
One of the Scath returned to signal all was clear in the first few rooms. Kai made her way down the steps and walked through the doorway into a small rectangular room, she saw one unmoving body lying on the floor, and she shut off the part of her mind that wanted to empty her stomach. No matter how many dead she encountered, she still never got to the point where it didn't bother her. She supposed that was a good thing, the day she stopped caring was the day she should hope for a crossbow bolt in the eye.  
Kai and the rest of her companions continued to wend their way through the building following behind the scouting Scath. So far they had met with a minimal number of Crows, all wearing the heraldry of the noble house they served, and that of Master Vimaro. There had been plenty of traps, but those were all disarmed with ease, perhaps Vimaro hadn't brought the main body of his cell after all.  
This hope turned out to be wishful thinking, the first large room they ran into had been converted into a training room. Wooden targets, chests full of weapons, tables laden with poisons, and all the accouterments of a well supplied band of killers greeted them, along with a large group of the killers themselves, that lead to an all out nasty, close-in fight.  
Kai found herself fighting two while backed up against the wooden wall. It would have been three, but Argus had knocked the third person down and was savaging the Crow, tossing him about like a rag doll. Kai's mind only had a moment to register his terrified and pained screams before a blade cut through the leather of her armor, making a shallow cut on her shoulder.  
Kai grunted and felt the slow seep of blood sliding under her leathers along her arm, thank goodness she was wearing all black so it didn't show blood as much. The part of her mind that remained detached wanted to giggle, Kai used her boot to kick the man in the “daddy bags,” as Oghren had once called them, while blocking her second opponent's blade with her own. The man she so inelegantly kicked in the stones started to take in great gasping gulps of air his eyes wide, with good reason, Kai's boots had toes of Dwarven steel in them. She grabbed the hand holding his blade while he was occupied with trying to breathe and deftly caught her second opponent in the rib cage sliding the captured blade between bones and into the heart. Blood coursed out of the female Crow’s mouth as she too began to gasp, eyes wide. Kai merely kicked the impaled Crow off the blade and used it to jam it into the man's own gaping mouth driving it up and through his palate into his brain with a sickening crunch of bone. Hot blood fountained over her hand, running down her black leather-clad arm.  
Kai immediately pulled the blade out, letting the man's own weight from falling back do most of the work. She pushed herself away from the wall and found herself facing an elven woman with sleek black hair pulled back from her pretty face, she had a small scar under her right eye, which was a pretty green, while the other eye was a lavender blue. There was no emotion on her face, but her eyes were deadly serious. This one would make no foolish moves from the start, she was cautious, as Kai continued to size up her newest foe. The girl stayed crouched, but fluid, she rested on the balls of her feet while keeping her shoulders relaxed.  
Nope, she was not going to make this easy. "Kill that bitch, Naseel, she’s their leader!" Kai heard a voice yell out from behind. She watched the girl's eyes spark, aha, this young one has one thing that is a possible weakness, she wants to prove herself and, from the looks of it, badly. She waited circling the girl with the same readied stance, Kai was older with more battle experience, and no need to prove she was the best, so Kai waited for Naseel to make the first move.  
The elf gave a feral growl and struck out when it was apparent that Kai was not going to do so first, with the dagger in her right hand, she swiped at Kai's face. Kai raised her left arm and allowed the leather clad arm to brush off the swing to her eyes, while using her right to slice down on Naseel's left arm where the real threat was. Kai knew that move, she had used it many times herself, distract with one blade, come in with the other.  
Naseel's only indication of the deep cut Kai had given her was a sharp intake of breath in a hiss, the girl did not let it distract her. So, she was very disciplined as well, Kai was certainly more impressed with this opponent than her last two. She also, like Kai, did not let the cacophony of battle along with the screams and moans of the wounded and dying break her focus in any way. For all intents and purposes, they could have been alone in the room. Kai and Naseel continued to dance and feint with each other, and soon it was very clear that they were evenly matched. They were both sporting mostly shallow wounds, along with some deeper cuts, exchanged in their little dance, but neither had the advantage.  
It was then that Kai decided to take a chance that her opponent was not schooled in the open handed martial arts of the Qun monks. She had been taught their style by a follower of the Qun, a Rivanni man visiting Highever who had been caught when the Spring rains had flooded most of Ferelden one year when she was young. The monk had told her that their priests and monks were not allowed to carry weapons, but they had trouble with bandits and even the Tal'Vashoth, those that abandoned the Qun and became mercs. Because only soldiers were allowed to carry weapons, the monks or priests had developed a weaponless fighting style using kicks, blocks, punches and acrobatics to disarm opponents and incapacitate or kill them if necessary.  
Kai sheathed her blades and stood watching Naseel, she could see the shock, then curiosity spark in the girl's mismatched eyes. Again Naseel feinted with her right blade, Kai merely leapt out of the way of it. While the blade rushed past her front, Kai knew the left blade was headed towards her kidneys, so she back flipped up and over it as Naseel swept it towards her. When Kai hit the ground, she came up with her right boot and caught Naseel in the ribs with a bone crunching kick.  
Naseel's eyes widened in shock as she cried out and started to go down on one knee, but she quickly recovered and turned to face Kai once again. She guessed right, the elf wasn't aware of the Qun fighting style. Naseel's lips pulled back from her teeth in a feral grimace etched with pain, still she did not drop her blade, but gripped her upper arm more closely to her injured side. This girl was tough, Kai couldn't help that one part of her mind admired the elf for it, she reminded Kai of herself.  
"Yes, another you, just don't let this you kill you while you admire her," Alistair's voice sounded in her ear.  
"Huh, I can’t believe I understood that, it must be love." Kai just huffed into her own head. "I have other plans for her, if they work."  
"Oh no, you aren't going to do what I think..." Alistair's voice cut off as Kai sprang into motion. She rushed Naseel and used her left arm to block the girl's attempt to stab her charging opponent, with her right hand, she aimed an open handed punch at the girl's chest. The power behind the punch caused more sickening, bone crunching sounds while slamming Naseel against the wall with so much force it knocked dust from the ceiling. Before the girl could get in one gasping breath, Kai had lashed out with her right boot and crunched the elf’s left hand under it, causing her to cry out and drop the blade. Kai continued forward and reached out with her left hand, grabbing Naseel's still-armed right hand, she pulled the girl forward and past her before swinging her around by it as if they were in some folk dance. She slid her right hand into the crook of Naseel’s elbow while Kai used the girl's momentum to spin the elf around, Naseel found herself with her back to Kai's chest and her own dagger still in her own hand held to her own throat.  
"Are you quite done dancing, Kadan?" Sten's stoic voice inquired. Kai looked around the room to find that all of her group and most of the Scath were standing and watching her and Naseel. Kai just grinned at him, his comment echoing her own thoughts about their battle. "I am if Naseel is."  
Kai allowed the blade to prick the girl's throat, just enough that a drop of blood ran down the elf’s delicate neck. Kai could smell the lavender soap the girl had used and the girl's sweat. "Naseel, I need to ask you a few questions."  
"And why should I answer them? You will just kill me anyway, what is the point?" Kai could feel the girl's breath on her hand.  
"What if I told you I would rather not kill you? What if I told you I hate your master as much as you probably do, maybe even more?"  
Kai could hear the girl’s smirk, "And why would you think I hate my master? I am a Crow, I have a reputation, he trained me, he supplies me with weapons and poisons and work, what is not to like?" But Kai could hear a hint of doubt, and even hope, in her voice.  
"Yes, but does he give you a choice, could you walk away whenever you wanted, or are you nothing more than a well armed slave?" Kai asked a softly tapered ear. "I know of the masters of the various cells of the Crows, some are better than others, I have worked with the Crows myself. Your master and his cruelty are beyond even the usual, is that not true?"  
Kai felt the girl nod, "Yes, and he plays with all of us in one manner or another, no matter how young we are, we have no choice." Kai felt Naseel shudder as if at a bad memory. "So again I say, what does it matter? He will not let me go, no more than your foolish friend, your lover. We belong to him until such time as he chooses to dispose of us." Kai felt her heart beat faster at the mention of Zev. "He will always find me, and his vengeance is great."  
"What do you mean?" Kai's voice felt as if it wanted to get caught in her throat.  
"Master Vimaro plays with your 'friend' like a cat does a mouse, he toys with him to punish him and to remind us all that he owns us, to remind us who really has the control. He uses Zevran as an example, in this case, he will play until he gets bored and then your love will be dead." Kai's arm involuntarily tightened, causing Naseel to gasp as the point of the dagger dug a little deeper, Kai relaxed her arm.  
"Your master cannot hurt you if he is dead." Kai made her voice calm and cold, "I offer you a choice, Naseel, something you have never had before now. I offer you the chance to join a group of spies and assassins local to Ferelden, I offer you the chance to join such a group of your free will and to leave it at any time you should wish. Or I offer you the chance to limp out of here, alive, do with your life what you will. If it is to go back to the Crows in Antiva, so be it, but we will not heal you, and you will be on your own, but you have my word that none of mine will harm you. And if that is your choice, one of mine will escort you so those outside don't shoot you in the back, what say you?"  
"Why would you do this?" Naseel's voice held suspicion and more...hope?  
"Because your life should belong to you, not another, no one has the right to own anyone else. And power can only be given away, not taken." Kai released the girl and bent down to pick up the elf's fallen dagger so she could hand it back to her, she flipped it over, offering it to Naseel pommel first while looking her in the eye.  
The elven girl merely looked at Kai for a moment then took the dagger and sheathed it, she bowed slightly. "I will join you then. I swear on my blood and my life, to serve you until such time as I..." here Naseel stumbled over unfamiliar words, "Until such time as I choose to leave. Until that time, my life is yours." Naseel blushed and made another bow, "As you know, I am Naseel, and you are?"  
"Kai, welcome to The Scath," Kai grinned at her. She then directed Wynne to heal Naseel and any of the others that potions wouldn't do for and bid those healthy enough to scavenge the room and bodies for any and all useful items, what was it Daveth said so long ago, waste not want not. She had the Scath rogues scout ahead again to disarm traps and count the opposition still remaining, if there were any that hadn’t joined the fray when all the noise started, she was surprised that more hadn’t shown up.  
"Ugh, I knew it, you are taking her in just like you did with Zevran, you don't even know you can trust her!" Alistair's voice fumed in her head. "At least the last time you convinced me because we really needed the help, but you don't this time!"  
"Calm yourself, my love, I find that extending a hand of friendship works best when it is contrasted to the cruelty they have been given. I have good instincts, do I not, look how it worked out with Zev," Kai soothed him, "Trust me."  
"Ugh, trust me, you always say that."  
"Yes, and how did that thing with Loghain and the Archdemon work out again?" she asked him sweetly.  
"Point taken," he grumbled and then went quiet.  
"Naseel, I’m familiar with this place, but I don't know how many from your former cell there will be here, and where is Vimaro holding Zev?" Kai watched while Wynne's glowing hands healed Naseel's broken wrist.  
The elven girl was fascinated by the bones knitting together while she watched, but she answered readily enough. "Master Vimaro has him here, but further in the hideout, in the rooms closer to the Master's bedroom and the dining hall that leads to the back alley. Since you are familiar with this place, the room he keeps Zevran locked in is after that U-shaped portion, we found dog cages in it, he holds him in one of those."  
Kai felt her rage turn from hot anger into ice, it was the kind of anger that touched the cold, dark abyss that lived in every soul, the one that would have no pity, no mercy and no compassion, holding the ugliest, darkest kind of rage. Sister Mollol, the priest at Highever's chapel, had likened it to the darkest shadow called the penumbra, the same color of the Black City in the Fade.  
"He brought most of his cell of assassins, and though it is a smaller one, it still is formidable, even though the other masters try not to let him have many of the new recruits. They only give him enough to keep the politics among all the houses of the Crows running smoothly, since what affects us affects the nobles who are our patrons, it would not do for us to have in-fighting and give the nobles of Antiva a chance to take back the true power of the body politic," Naseel gave a cynical little smile at this.  
"I would say you have killed about a fourth of those he brought here, there will be another fourth, when last I saw my fellows, spread throughout the rest of the hideout. The other half are still in Antiva protecting the noble who is our patron, except for a few small number who are scattered over Thedas providing ‘services’. When Master Vimaro got word about Zevran Arainai being alive and living in Ferelden, he was livid, and embarrassed. He had been made a fool of, and he wanted to come here himself, so he got permission from our patron to come and attend to ‘personal business,’ as he called it." Naseel looked at Wynne and smiled, "Thank you, mage."  
Wynne smiled and patted the girl's hand, "You are welcome, child." But the look that Wynne shot Kai was not so friendly.  
Kai looked at Wynne as well. “Is she good to go?" Wynne simply nodded. Kai could tell Wynne was dubious about taking Naseel along, but she was willing to wait until they were in private to say so. For now, Kai knew, the mage would defer to her judgment.  
Kai rounded up the rest of her group along with those Scath still able to continue, those who were not able went back out the way they had come in to inform those on the street what was going on. They made their way through the twisting rooms, the resistance they did run into was light, only one or two people, easily handled by the rogues scouting ahead.  
Sod it, sod it, sod it! Kai fumed to herself, the closer they got to the room where Zev was supposed to be held, the fewer Crows they came across to offer any fight, a situation which led her to believe that Master Vimaro had gotten word and taken off, the only question remaining was did he take Zev with him or kill him.  
Kai's heart thumped in her chest when she opened the door to that room, steeling herself, expecting to find the bloody corpse of her dear friend. But the room was empty, one of the cages was open, a pile of filthy blankets covered in old and new blood was a makeshift bed, and a used chamber pot and a plate of greasy fatty meat sat on the floor. So, he was alive.  
She let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. It took everything within her to buckle down the emotions all roiling inside of her like the Waking Sea in a storm, fear, disgust and that cold, cold rage all warred in her. Finally, when she once again had her face set into a neutral mask, she turned back to the others, they all took a step back. Her face must not be as neutral as she thought.  
The scouts came back with word that they had only run across three more Crows, who were dispatched with relatively no problem, apparently, they were young, new, untried recruits who had wanted to prove themselves and whose practice with real battle had not ended well for them. Kai caught one of the Scath whispering to Sten while casting worried looks at Kai out of the corner of their eyes.  
"What is it?" Kai asked as casually as she could, Sten looked at her, his face immobile as always.  
"Kadan..."  
"What is it!" Kai felt her hands curling into fists, maybe they had found his body after all.  
"They found another room, he is not in it, but I do not think you want to see it." Sten continued to study her with his lavender eyes.  
"Show me." Kai stared back at him.  
The Scath led Kai to another long rectangular room across from the room they had held Zev in, the blood mages had used this room for spell work, and it had been covered in blood then too. This time it had a rack, a brazier with hot coals and branding irons, and a table with all kinds of implements Kai didn't even want to look at, along with shackles to keep prisoners immobile. Her vision went dark and the room started to tilt, she put her hand against the wall and bent over and emptied her stomach, she didn't care who saw.  
When she was done and bile coated her throat, it was Naseel who spoke, "All of this blood doesn't belong to Zevran, lady. Master Vimaro has taken other jobs here in Denerim, he and his lover, Concha, tastes run to torture. Doing so adds...spice...to their love making. They take the poor, the outcast, the ones who wouldn’t be missed, which is very easy to do because of the way Anora rules, as there are few city guards. Zevran he has been healing and keeping alive so he can continue to make him an example. I know it is small consolation, but most of this is from other people he has taken for his sick pleasures."  
Kai wanted to be sick again, even as relief washed over her for Zev, along with a goodly amount of guilt for feeling relief that it was others who had suffered so much and not him. Kai turned to Naseel. "Who is this Concha, besides being the sick and perverted lover of your former master?"  
"She is a Crow, lady, but not a rogue, she is beautiful, cruel and completely without a conscience. She and Vimaro feed each other, her skills lie in seduction and the art of poison, not fighting. She does keep several daggers secreted around her person, but she can be easily disarmed, as she relies on her beauty and charm." Naseel put a hand on Kai's arm, "And she was not here when you raided this place. I believe she went shopping, she should be returning, provided of course she does not spot your people."  
Great, an evil version of Leliana, a cruel shop-a-holic. "She won't spot them, they are too good," Kai told Naseel. "Will she use the front or back door?"  
"Neither, Master Vimaro had this place modified slightly. He had a secret door put in his bedroom as an escape route, he is paranoid, and with good reason," Naseel added.  
"How much does Vimaro value this woman?" Kai looked at Naseel.  
"As much as anyone as cold as he can. She is a toy and a possession, but he seems to hold her above us all, since she shares the same sick tastes and the same black heart."  
"Then let us wait for the lovely Concha, shall we, we might just have a bargaining chip." Kai smiled a cold and grim smile.


	32. To the Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So we have an unexpected ally, and we have missed our Antivan heart breaker as the nasty Master Vimaro has absconded with him. Hope you are having as much fun reading this as I am writing it. : )  
> Oh and my shameless reference to The Princess Bride, for all you fans, like me, "To the Pain!"   
> : )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns all but what I made up. : )
> 
> I apologize for the delays in posts. I've had real life get in the way, big time. And today is my birthday so I took yesterday off from work just as a fun day. I hope you'll forgive me.
> 
> And I know I do this every chapter, but it bears repeating, thanks, you all make my day. Each time I see the traffic graph go up. Each email, telling me I have another person putting me on their favorite story or author alert just thrills me. And for those taking time out of your busy day to review, a special thank you! Please continue to tell me what you think. : )  
> Blessings!

Naseel agreed to position herself on the bed which faced the secret entrance to the room. She would be the first thing Concha saw when she came in, which Kai hoped would prevent her from noticing her and one of the other Scath waiting on either side of the door.

The unfortunate part of this ambush was that Concha could apparently spend hours shopping. Kai eventually sent most of her group, all but Wynne and Sten, back out to wait on the rooftops and inform the other Scath whom they were watching for, having gotten a description of the woman in question. They were all to cover the exits in case Concha should bolt for it. Sten, Morrigan and Wynne were waiting outside the room. Several times Kai almost found herself dozing, with the adrenaline rush gone, her body wanted to recharge. Naseel was having a harder time, lying on a soft, comfortable bed. 

Finally, Maker be praised, a bookshelf slid back and an auburn head peeked around the opening, "My darling, I have found the most exquisite dress maker, despite this being a backwater country, and her shop didn't even smell of wet dog, imagine that!" The woman stopped in her tracks, staring at Naseel who posed herself on the bed, "What are you doing here in our bed you little piece of elven trash?" 

Kai waited until the woman had come all the way through the doorway, "You forgot the smell of rotting garbage." Kai put her dagger under the woman's chin, "Allow me to introduce myself, I am The Scathach." Kai smiled a cold smile, "Naseel, where does she hide her daggers?" Naseel came forward and carefully removed the daggers strapped to the Crow's leg, her forearm, and tucked in the cleavage of her bodice.

"You little elven whore of a traitor, Vimaro and I will make you beg for death, and we shall make love over your cooling corpse!" Concha hissed at the girl. Naseel only smiled and walked over to open the door.

Kai yanked Concha's head back by her waving auburn tresses. "It is not well done to talk like a sniping gutter wench to those in my employ," Kai purred in the woman's ear. "You forget yourself, this is my party. As I said, I am The Scathach, I run the group called The Scath here in Ferelden. Your Master Vimaro has taken a man under my protection, I want him back, and you are going to help."

"You mean that little Antivan son of an elven whore?" Concha laughed, "You would do better to find another lover, dear, I hear The Pearl has plenty to choose from." Kai watched the rosy lips pull back in laughter over perfect white button teeth. She whirled Concha around by her hair and gave her an open handed slap across the face, hard enough to make her pitch towards the bed. The woman showed feral anger at first then posed seductively while licking the blood from the corner of her mouth, "Really, this is foreplay, all you are doing, bitch, is getting me excited," Concha laughed, "You’ll have to do better."

Kai smiled a tight little smile, considering Concha's tastes, she had figured it would have to get ugly, but Naseel had provided some insight into this nasty little piece of trash. Kai figured her plan would work, rather, it had better work, or Zev was as good as dead.

Kai worked on shutting off that part of her mind which was horrified at what she was thinking of doing, screaming at her that she couldn't be serious; and tapping into that abyss, the penumbra of her soul, she walked forward and grabbed the woman by that lovely, long, auburn hair and dragged her from the bedroom. Once out in the hallway, she picked her up and once again put her dagger to a smooth creamy throat, walking her back up a small set of stairs and through other rooms until they came to the room with the torture devices.

"You like this room don't you, Concha? I think you and I are going to have a really good time in here together, don't you?" Kai pushed the woman to her knees and then kicked her into the room causing her to fall face forward in the blood on the floor. "Oops, sorry about the dress." Kai gave her a cruel smile from the doorway before turning to Sten, Wynne, Naseel and the Scath with her. "Wynne, I want you to stay out here, no matter what you hear behind that door, do you hear me?" Kai grasped Wynne's arm. Wynne opened her mouth in protest, but shut it abruptly. Kai nodded to Sten, Morrigan, and the Scath, then at Concha, and cocked an eyebrow. Sten merely nodded and went into the room to stand over the woman followed by the Scath.

Kai took Wynne around the corner where Concha couldn't overhear. "Wynne, I need you to trust me, and to stay out here."

"Why, child? You aren't thinking of doing what I think you are doing? You have always been against such things, how could you...now?" Wynne's voice was rising in decibels.

"I am not thinking of it! Wynne, torture is unreliable, but if you know what buttons to push, intimidation isn't. Concha doesn't know what I am willing to do or not do, but if she sees your face, the game is up. You may know beer but, my dear mage, but I could beat you at Wicked Grace easily," Kai smiled to take any sting out of her words.

"I will stay here, then; I trust you, child." Wynne stroked her cheek. "We have been through too much for me not to."

Kai turned back towards the room, opened the door and stepped inside. "Follow my lead," Kai whispered to Sten and Morrigan.

"Really, princess, you think this room holds any terror for me? This room only makes me squirm in delight with all the fun Vimaro and I have enjoyed here." The tip of Concha's pink tongue darted over her lips, "Oh yes, this room is so delicious. Including what we did to your Antivan lover." Concha let out a low, seductive laugh.

Kai only paced toward the woman, touching that cold abyss inside herself, she put her face into Concha's and smiled a grin that was all snow and ice. She ran her finger down the perfect and flawless skin on Concha's face, running it down her throat and to the tops of her breasts peeking out over the neckline of her dress. Kai took her time, like a lover, smiling her cold smile, shutting off the part of her brain that was wanting to throw up again. She then whipped her hand out and gripped Concha by her hair again, dragging her to a chair with the shackles.

Kai grabbed the front of her bodice and slammed her into the chair, keeping one hand on her chest while shackling first one hand then the other, her feet came next, and then Kai grabbed Concha's chin. "Torture is so crude and ineffective, really, Concha, allow me to prove how much more inventive I am. I know we haven't known each other long, but I am hurt that you think me so crass," Kai purred at her.

Kai went to the brazier and used a poker to stir the live coals in it to the surface and then employed the bellows to blow them into life. Kai placed a saw-toothed sword in the coals so it could get red hot, while she did all this, she spoke over her shoulder in a perfectly conversational tone, "Concha, someone as beautiful as you are, and all you can think is that I might whip you or cut you. Such wounds can be healed easily by any mage with the skills, if you have enough gold, and I am sure you have used such talents before. Wounds can be made to disappear as if they never happened, and I am not here to give you pleasure, which is all torture would do for you, considering your tastes. What I have in mind is so much more about pleasing me." Kai smiled over at Concha while continuing to use the bellows.

Morrigan let out a quiet chuckle while keeping her golden eyes trained on the woman in the chair. "Oh, this should be fun."

Sten, being Sten, simply crossed his arms and arranged his already intimidating features into a harsher look, his silence rolled off of him in waves.

"Naseel told me you aren't much of a fighter, and from our little interlude, that much is true. She said you prefer to use seduction and poison." Kai walked back over to stand in front of Concha with the now red bladed sword. "I intend so much more for you, first, I am going to cut off your feet below the ankles, next, your hands at the wrists. Then I am going to cut off your nose and cut out your tongue. Finally, I’ll put out your left eye followed by your right eye, but your ears, your ears I am going to let you keep, Concha. I want every scream of every person who looks at your hideousness to sing in those perfect, pink ears." Kai allowed a slow, sinister chuckle to escape her lips while she grabbed Concha's chin and brushed her lips over hers. "I am sure the seduction of your contracts will be so much easier with my... modifications, no?" Kai pulled back so Concha could see the abyss looking out from her eyes. 

Concha's eyes widened in fear. "You whore, you bitch, you can't do that, Vimaro will hunt you to the ends of Thedas!"

"Oh, he won't have to hunt me to the ends of Thedas, I won't be running, so he won’t have far to go. I want him to find me, I figure if I damage his favorite toy, he will want to find me sooner. It is really a simple stratagem, don't you think? You might want to answer now, I am about to get started, and I don't think you and I will be doing much talking." Kai merely gestured casually with the sword. "No, nothing else you want to say? Well then, I guess we should get started, this could take awhile." Kai swung back with the sword aiming at one of Concha's delicately slippered feet.

"NO, don't...you...I can tell you how to contact him, we have a code and a way of relaying messages! If you want your little Antivan bastard, you need me as I am!" Concha was squirming in the chair, tears running down her beautiful face. 

Kai could almost feel sympathy, except for the knowledge that Concha only felt bad for herself at this moment. Once she was released, she would be the same soulless abyss walking on two legs that she was before. Kai shoved her own abyss back into place behind all that made her human. She looked at Concha with a cold smile. "Well, we shall see, if what you tell me doesn't work, then I am afraid we go back to Plan A, my dearest Concha." She threw the sword back into the brazier, turning to the door to fetch Wynne and her supply of parchment, pen and ink. They had a message to deliver, the hunt was still on.


End file.
